The Goodbyes…

And I have realised that every good bye is tough…

When I did plays – as much as I loved opening night and all the grandeur and excitement; it was always bitter-sweet. There’d be no more rehearsals, no more swapping stories and gossip, no more long coffee breaks and bloopers. The family that we created would graduate and move on to their own lives. Of course we’d meet for shows , much like families meet for the holidays and we’d have the quick catchups and the familiar laughs but there would now be a distance and it would never quite be the same.

But then before you know it there’d be a new show and a new family and the closeness and bonds would be forged again.

When I started expanding Balancing Act, it became the same. Each person was hand picked and chosen and I made them family over time and every time one left there was a part of me that missed the relationship we shared and another part excited about the new person/ people I would meet.

I now know that life is a journey. You will meet many people on the way. People come in to your life for many reasons. Some to help you , even when you didn’t know you needed help; some to teach you lessons – even the harshest or hardest of lessons and once you receive the help or learn from the lessons they will leave you and move on as their purpose has been served.

However there will be a few who will stay on and on and on, because both you and them will keep learning, growing and helping each other. And these are the people that you will find over time, that you will learn to value and who will always have your back. These are the people who are on your journey with you- so you will never be alone.

These are the people you won’t say goodbye to.

Look for these people. Treasure these people. Love these people.

P.s. (Palat says)-: Every good bye has a hello just waiting to happen!

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Live the Moment

We all believe we live in the moment but I have to be honest most do not! Unless you go through something life changing, you don’t even recognise how long or how powerful a moment can be. This is true. A moment really counts when my arm hurts so bad tears stream down my face or when the husband holds me apologising for the arm pain which he didn’t even cause-the MS did!

Most people just turn up in their lives. They make a guest appearance. You go to your 9-5 or 10-6 job and you just count the hours so you can leave and go back and do another mindless thing you won’t give yourself to.

You shouldn’t have to have MS or a brain tumour or nearly die or do something equally dramatic to care about your life! You can be the hero- the star of your own story- shouldn’t you use your potential to do that

With those I work with and those I’m friends with , this is what I try and enforce

  1. Do one thing- but do it well, else don’t even start.
  2. In a conversation with me , lets both look at each other and actually listen.
  3. A job is not 8 hrs, it can be 1 hr or 2 hrs as well- it’s just about applying yourself when you work
  4. Do something- one thing every day that you absolutely love and be present during that moment.
  5. Have one conversation every day- not on the phone but face to face. Make sure it’s honest and be absolutely involved in the conversation.
  6. When you are doing your job- make that the most important. When you are with your family- make that the most.
  7. Be true to yourself, even with new people. People will either like you or not but you can’t live your life acting like someone you are not.
  8. You are the star of every day. Your film stars you. Make a it a film you’d like to watch. Be proud of you.
  9. This won’t happen easily- there’ll be many times where you are not even present during a work day or a boring family dinner. Stop, reboot, refresh!

I write this because I see so many who just turn up in their lives and never actually show up and enjoy it. We get one chance, (even if we believe in rebirth and after life) to be the best version of ourselves- to be a part of a film called our life. Wouldn’t you want a blockbuster? I do!

P.s. (Palat says)-: Its the husband’s birthday weekend this weekend so stay tuned for soppy posts and mushy , unwritten love letters!

Birthday stresses (and no it’s not about just getting old!)

So the birthday rolled around and this one was unlike any other! I’m the quintessential Gemini about birthdays even though I’m a Taurus-Gemini cusp! I plan for the next birthday the evening of the previous one- so I’m that kinda psycho birthday maniac,

But this birthday I was a bit more introspective and stressed out- had this year counted for anything? Had anything changed ? Did my life thus far mean anything to anyone? Yup I was being a bit more fatalistic than usual. What had I acheived?

And so this time I stressed out before the birthday! And started (like the OCD maniac I am) listing down any positive learnings I have had or impacts I had made. Here’s what I found!

  1. I have become closer to family now than I ever was and that’s a win!
  2. I have more friends now and they accept me -flaws and all! I’ve reconnected with a few who knew me and they seem prouder of who I am today -so there must be growth and that’s awesome!
  3. More importantly I accept me- flaws and all and now can be honest with who I am , especially to me!
  4. I have taught people and they remember that fondly and I continue to teach the people who work with me and that’s amazing.
  5. I have started learning all over again! Online learning allows me to find knowledge in areas that I’ve always wanted to discover and that’s hugely positive for me.
  6. I’ve traveled and I’ve seen and learned more about cultures and places and put into perspective how magnificent the world is and how much more we can do and then gone ahead and tried to imbibe all that I have seen into making a positive impact.
  7. I have cared for animals and loved and looked after so many and got so much love in return.
  8. I have become kinder, more compassionate and learned to love more! I have become more grateful to the God, the Universe and to people.
  9. I have learned that the more positive you are , the more positivity comes your way!

And the list went on and I realised that not only had the years rolled on, the learnings had added up to and just the fact that I had so many blessings in my life, was definitely worth candles on the cake – even if there were more candles now, than cake !

P.s. (Palat says)-: Whenever you are down, look around you and make a list- when you see how much you have and how many love you; you’ll realise that the stress just disappears! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

…to all who have lost someone

What if I were forgotten , as if I were never there?

What if you couldn’t see me anymore , what if you didn’t care?

When my life is over , would you know my name?

Would I be remembered, would sunsets feel the same ?

What if I were forgotten , as if I were never there?

Isn’t life so transient- a breeze just passing air,

And for a while you’d miss me , see me all around,

But then you would forget me ,forget whether they were blue or brown…

What if I were forgotten , as if I were never there?

Would it even matter , should I even care?

Tonight I stand beside you and all the world stands still…

Tonight I’m yours forever , my fears are none , they’re nil.

So tonight let’s always remember, let’s not waste any time

Tonight I’m yours for always , tonight you’re always mine

And so if I were forgotten , I’ll never be not there

Because somewhere deep inside of you , some part of you will always care.

The Devil Inside

The Devil gets a bad rep from us all the time… whenever we are thinking of something bad to do we’re consistently blaming it on the red man on our shoulder with horns not realising that there is no red man on our shoulder… and that there voice goading us on is just our own!

That’s the thing with bad habits and broken resolutions… we can make as many excuses as we like but eventually it’s up to us to hold ourselves accountable for our own actions.

To make a change, any change, we have to start with being accountable to continue keeping on the path of change.

I have never been a 5 am girl. Late night work, late snacks, long evenings… that’s always been my thing. But in my effort to get fitter, feel better over the last 6 months it’s been a 5 am wake up call and 2 hrs of exercise.

Needless to say there have been so many excuses not to wake up and so many complaints from my joints, my body and my brain. But there’s been just one excuse to get up- better health= better me!

A friend called up in December and rued… every night had been long nights- he was just not feeling fit any more! Can’t run. Just so exhausted – he needed a drink every night to crash. Didn’t I? It had been a hectic few months for me and excuses to stop my routine and pretend that giving in to bad habits was temporary and something ‘I had no choice in.’ But the truth of life is – we always have a choice. More often than not one choice is much easier and offers little or no effort- to give in to your weaknesses, to pamper your cravings, to feed the beast- but the more difficult choice is usually to do the right thing- the thing the inner voice inside us constantly pushes and who we try to drown out with our bad habits. And though that voice goes softer and softer but it never truly goes away…

So I held strong in December and I keep holding strong though on certain days I have to say my resolve is weak. I’d like to sleep in, I want cake and I could do with a definite break in my God awful exercise routine- but then again I make a conscious choice , albeit a difficult one- Will the Devil be my slave ? Or would I rather be a slave to him?

And truth be told- I’m nobody’s slave!

P.s. (Palat says)-: The Devil’s not an evil man with red horns.. more often than not it’s the face in the mirror staring right at us ! I’m gonna keep my inner Devil reserved for costume parties and Halloween!

Liar, liar..

So the husband (I remain undecided on the use of his name on the blog, basis of my mood and what the blog is about); decided to discuss lying…

I am completely opposed to a lie. I’d rather not say something if I have nothing nice to say… but I try never to tell a lie.

This my husband seemed to feel is a rather idealistic and difficult to achieve goal. I guess when a woman asks ‘ Do I look good in this?’ or ‘Does this make me look fat/ bad?’- I guess many men will take the white lie way out… It keeps the peace and I’m sure saves countless sleepless nights on the couch for many men.

But then where does the ‘white’ lie end? My husband seemed to think that if a lie didn’t hurt someone or even made them feel better, is that so wrong? I was divided. Of course I want people to feel good about themselves , but to feel good basis a lie? Wouldn’t you feel worse when you found out the truth?

So then I started looking around…

In a world of filtered photographs and edited stories… wasn’t I being a little sanctimonious… I mean weren’t they all just ‘white’ lies… Wasn’t the truth touched up, just a little bit to make it seem better?

And if that seemed okay.. well who was I to judge- especially if I used my own filters!

But even after much debate and argument (mostly internal) and realising that between the two of us, he is infinitely more liked and I , more blunt; I figured I’m going to keep doing things my way. Tell the truth or shut up. And, if I have nothing nice to say, zip it! This may not make me more popular… but filters should stay on photographs not in real life!

On a separate note-: he promises to tell me what he truthfully thinks of my outfits et all… so that’s a question I’d better not ask!

P.s. (Palat says)-: His popularity and my anonymity and his kindness and my bluntness… when they say opposites attract; someone up there used us as the Case studies! See you MONDAY!

When It Pains…

So not much is told to anyone suffering from Multiple Sclerosis… you seem to be part of a secret society where the rules are different for each one of us. But unlike a secret society, we don’t meet at exotic, interesting locations… we usually end up in a hospital- easily one of the most boring, depressing places on earth!

So yesterday was an MS night which means more than anything, I’m in tons of pain, I’m cranky as heck and the majority of my conversations have me doubling up in pain…

Hospital was not an option for me yesterday; so we worked on changing my mood…And I think that just really is the ultimate lesson.

A day is what you want it to be. A day is what you focus on. A day will be filled with multiple distractions- for me it was pain… but you can choose what you want your day to be about… For me it was about laughing with my family, re- decorating a room, getting pampered by my husband and puppy and watching a fun episode of ‘Bull.’

I had fun evening, a relaxed night and thanks to all the love- I woke up stronger to take on today…

Pain – Be Damned. With my team, you’ve got nothin on me!

P.s. (Palat says)-: Find your team, and hold them close… they’re better than the best medication! Also 4 months to the birthday! So HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!