The ‘Perfect’ storm

This weekend I had a realisation– more often than not , while we’re so busy trying to be perfect and appear flawless…we sometimes put on the same front for ourselves. Appearing ‘perfect’ for someone else is fine, but conning yourself into believing that all is well, is delusional, silly and can be downright harmful.

In my life, I’ve always tried to appear the trooper, someone totally in control and someone who needs little to no help. And sometimes, especially on the difficult days I have my guard up so high, I almost believe it. But the week had been long and tiring and the weekend came as a welcome respite and for the first time in a long time, I was truly honest with myself – about my fears, the pain, my negative habits and the mean voices in my head. And as I talked about them with the husband, who, is my biggest confidante, my best friend and long time sufferer of me :); I became calmer and stronger and less afraid.

We build walls around us to mask who we truly are because we feel the world won’t like us and then over time, some times we forget who we truly are behind those very high walls. And it may take more than a few moments for you to find out who you really are, flaws and all; once the mask is removed. But every so often it’s important you do that, and lay yourself bare, if not for someone else, but at least for yourself. It is the most incredibly cathartic, terrifying and completely freeing thing you will ever do.

This weekend was long, scary and wonderful for me.

It opened me up to a week where I start to build my walls all over again, but I’ve decided to acknowledge the walls this time, acknowledge that I’m building up a shield , so that may be I can keep a small door open at the side, to allow me to still know and recognise and most importantly love my true self.

P.s.(Palat says)-: There will always be those that judge you… don’t stand behind them in line…Find your own cheerleader and if that’s hard to find then be your personal cheerleader!

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Kill Cruella!

I have always been rather self destructive. My parents remember this well, when I got myself in trouble when they were in the midst of shouting at my sister for something she had done and I would suddenly point out something I had done which was worse.

But cute as that seemed as I grew older, I got even more destructive. The critical little voice in my head was almost a shout and I was never good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or worthy enough. And so I hurt myself, I had terrible bouts of anxiety and stress. I was depressed at times and was easily swayed into believing that I was lucky to get anything because I obviously didn’t deserve it.

And when I got sick (multiple sclerosis), this became even worse. Now I was living proof of someone who may never be pretty enough, smart enough or worthy of anything- but something switched inside me. I was stuck so long listening to this evil shouting voice, I never took the time to hear the softer, more encouraging voice in my head. And when I did take the time, and since in the hospital ,I did have just time- I started hearing the voice that told me to believe.

It’s the voice that tells you that ‘you can be more, you can do more and that you are better than you think you are.’ It’s the voice that tells you to believe in yourself and that you are ready for the meeting, for the interview and even to take over the world! It’s the voice that tells you that your body- in pain, fit or unfit- is amazing because it’s yours. It’s the voice that tells you every day can be amazing because you are part of it.

And once you listen to this voice , the evil one becomes softer and slowly becomes non existent, if you work hard enough.

Initially and even sometimes now, when I hear Cruella (yup she has a name) popping up with her fears and doubts in me… I loudly proclaim how sure , how positive and how amazing I am so that Miss D (yup she has a name too) gets the strength to go louder than ever!

P.s.(Palat says)-: How successful you are will often be a direct relation to how much you believe in you. Don’t look for the applause from outside. Be proud to be your biggest cheerleader.

The Dirtiest 3 LETTER word!

feed-your-own-ego-im-busy

A common ailment most people are suffering can be put into just 3 little letters… E-G-O!

We’ve all heard “Jaante nahi ki hum Kaun hai?” (Do you not know who I am?) but nowadays it’s not just about stupid and cheesy lines , it’s about shouting louder, valuing your opinion above all else and not listening to anyone’s voice but you’re own, it’s about thinking of yourself as smarter and more important than anyone else in the room.

And even if you are, it’s when the ‘ego’ comes in to play that you drop in the eyes of those around you. The most successful people, I believe are those who let their words and work do the talking- not their ego.

I remember a client I worked with, who’d spend the first half of a conversation dissecting what I was wearing and how I was looking just to prove that they were ‘in charge’ of the meeting.

They would then continue to tell me how they laughed at someone’s ideas, how unfit another of their own employees was and use the first 40 + minutes of a meeting  talking themselves up by talking other people down.

At first I’d wonder about the personal attacks and then as they became the Modus Operandi – I realised there was no point in worrying, justifying or even thinking about this- because that would be an absolute waste of brain space!

Ego shows insecurity. It shows nervousness and worries. It shows you’re not as smart or as important as you think you are. And it even shows you’re probably not even right!

Rather than fight over non-issues these days, I’m realising to state my case and leave it at that- let the egos fight it out. I’m not in their ring. I don’t need to be.

While they bash themselves up over who’s more ‘important’, I might as well strut along at my slow but solid space- get out of the fight and go a long and win the war!

P.s. (Palat says)-: I am getting wiser in my youthful older age I’d like to believe or may be I’ve just realised if you’ve not got the ending you want… it’s probably not the end… 

The ‘OTHER’ voice inside of me!

stressed

So the end of the 2012 started with a chill, cold and a God awful fever! The Hallmark generated excitement of a New Years Eve was suddenly torn to shreds by tissues, warm water and phlegm , not to mention the most incredible migraine was creating a resounding thudding sound in my head was not the head thumping music I’d been hoping to dance to all night. And so the 31st night was spent under blankets, drinking cough syrup and feeling very sorry for myself. I felt so terrible for having made everyone change/cancel their new year plans and after taking a minute to pray at new year for the year ahead I was warmly tucked into bed by 12:01 am.

Turns out nobody minded that I changed the plans. Some made their own, some spent time together, some slept- everyone seemed to have  done exactly what they wanted to do…and there I was beating myself over it. That’s the thing- pressure is only pressure when we realize that we’re the only ones putting pressure on ourselves!

Sure there our deadlines and schedules; but most of those are achievable if we stop adding the additional pressure ourselves! We are always worried about how ‘others’ will perceive us , what ‘others’ will think, what ‘others’ might say- we forget that sometimes we must listen to our perceptions, our thoughts, our feelings and our voices. Sometimes before putting everyone else’s opinion above your own, make a quick, honest opinion for yourself.

Sometimes the ‘Others’ are not that scary, not that mean, not that opinionated- MAY BE it’s just us us being mean, scary and opinionated with ourselves!

Happy New Year! You won’t finish all you have to do this entire year today. You don’t have to. Cut yourself a break and remember the year is a marathon- no point in sprinting now and then being too tired to continue!

And make your ‘other’ voice a bit nicer…and more encouraging! It’ll help!