i love you. i hate you.

Those petty fights.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

You took too long on saying I love you. You think I’m fat? You don’t buy me anything. You forgot my birthday/ our date/ to meet me.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

Those petty fights.

You don’t care about me. You don’t listen. You shout too much. You nag to much. I hate your friends. You hate my drinking/ football/ work/ late nights.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

Those petty fights.

You left me alone. You yelled. You talked to her. I hate your ex. You hate my mom. I hate this car. I hate your hair. You hate my dress. You hate everything I wear.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

Those petty fights.

Every moment could be our last. Do we really want to go fighting or being fought with?Is it really important? Is that what we really mean to say?

I love you. I’m sorry. I tried. I mean well. You inspire me. You challenge me. I must be better for you.

Please. Love me. Thank you.

 

Advertisements

The ‘OTHER’ voice inside of me!

stressed

So the end of the 2012 started with a chill, cold and a God awful fever! The Hallmark generated excitement of a New Years Eve was suddenly torn to shreds by tissues, warm water and phlegm , not to mention the most incredible migraine was creating a resounding thudding sound in my head was not the head thumping music I’d been hoping to dance to all night. And so the 31st night was spent under blankets, drinking cough syrup and feeling very sorry for myself. I felt so terrible for having made everyone change/cancel their new year plans and after taking a minute to pray at new year for the year ahead I was warmly tucked into bed by 12:01 am.

Turns out nobody minded that I changed the plans. Some made their own, some spent time together, some slept- everyone seemed to have  done exactly what they wanted to do…and there I was beating myself over it. That’s the thing- pressure is only pressure when we realize that we’re the only ones putting pressure on ourselves!

Sure there our deadlines and schedules; but most of those are achievable if we stop adding the additional pressure ourselves! We are always worried about how ‘others’ will perceive us , what ‘others’ will think, what ‘others’ might say- we forget that sometimes we must listen to our perceptions, our thoughts, our feelings and our voices. Sometimes before putting everyone else’s opinion above your own, make a quick, honest opinion for yourself.

Sometimes the ‘Others’ are not that scary, not that mean, not that opinionated- MAY BE it’s just us us being mean, scary and opinionated with ourselves!

Happy New Year! You won’t finish all you have to do this entire year today. You don’t have to. Cut yourself a break and remember the year is a marathon- no point in sprinting now and then being too tired to continue!

And make your ‘other’ voice a bit nicer…and more encouraging! It’ll help!

Just because they are family doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings!

This weekend a movie (English Vinglish!) and a conversation with a friend made me think of something very important. We often take family for granted and sometimes the unkindest cut of all comes from those closest to us. They may not aim to be mean. It might be just a thoughtless remark or an angry outburst that they regret later but you are often unkinder to family than you are to distant friends and even enemies.

I remember once yelling at my Mom who allowed me an extra hour of sleep after I had shot an all night shift for a music video. I remember telling her unkindly that she was trying to sabotage my career- a statement so mean and thoughtless in retrospect, I wish I could go back to that day and take it back. She was just worried about how tired I was and I was just being a brat! A friend was talking about her mother-in-law and discussing how she was dealing with her son and telling him that he had joined  the family business to ensure his inheritance , not assuming for one moment that he’d made their dreams his, that he’d put aside his desires to pursue a field of his choice by doing what he feels is the responsible thing and looking after a company created by his parents and continuing their legacy. He had been hurt by her thoughtless statements and wondered whether he had done something wrong by telling her how he felt.

As children we sometimes lash out without meaning it…there is no justification for our actions but my belief is that you must understand that it could have caused pain and you must be truly sorry for hurting someone you care about. I’m sorry Amma and I’m sorry Achan. I’m sure I lashed out thoughtlessly and senselessly at times and considering you always worked to make my life a better life and worked towards my goals, putting my dreams ahead of your own- I’m truly sorry.

But it’s not only the children who are at fault…In some cases parents also voice their own insecurities in mean and hurtful ways.

As adults sometimes it so happens that your parents are unnecessarily critical or flippant with some remarks and that could cause you pain as well. As adults I think it’s important to tell each other why it’s not okay to make a quick, snide comment or make a thoughtless judgement about someone in your family. You might be their children but they are also human and sometimes they may be having a bad day, be in pain, alone or just sad and maybe snapping at you was their way of trying to hurt you so you could feel part of what they’re feeling. It’s still not okay to hurt you so it’s important you tell them that and get down to the actual base of the matter and deal with that sensitively.

Even if it’s family , when an opinion is unfair, overly critical or hurtful- tell them. We protect the feelings of co-workers, of friends and are even tactful when it comes to enemies so why is okay to walk all over the feelings of family?

Each one of us has hurt our family several times. Think about that today and next time don’t. Also the next time you get hurt by their flippant remark- don’t be afraid to tell them. Respect and boundaries are important- EVEN FOR FAMILY!

THINGS THAT EVERY COUPLE MUST DO ( and no….I don’t mean the obvious!)

so being a couple is fun for all the obvious reasons…yes i mean what you think i mean– cuddling ( get your minds out of the gutter people!!!)…but its often very very important to see if you are more than just great looking people who are attracted to each other!  if your partner and you have done / can do most of what’s below–well then i think its meant for keeps….

  1. GO ON COFFEE DATES TOGETHER (JUST THE 2 OF YOU!)– Now I know you think this is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to easy but think about it..everyone looks more attractive in dim lights and under kilos of make up and then again, having a few drinks makes some of the most uninteresting people fun, to themselves and to us! Hanging out with friends also gives you only snippets of conversations with your beau….leaving you wanting for more…so test it out -go on a one-on-one with him / her in the day and find out how he/ she really looks and whether their that fun sober and most importantly whether when there’s no loud music and screaming people…whether the 2 of you actually have things to talk about!
  2. GET TO KNOW THEIR FAMILY–  A huge part of who a person is…depends on how he was raised. Get to know his/ her family…Like them/ hate them…see how important he/ she is to them or what he/ she has learnt from them and a huge part of a puzzle will be solved. else there’ll always be a big chunk of the puzzle missing and trust me…this piece is the heart of the puzzle…it’s who he/she is… You don’t want to leave it till the end!
  3. TALK ABOUT MONEY- The biggest reasons for break ups is money…so if you r getting serious start figuring out if and when you move to the next stage how money is going to work…who’s going to spend and how much and what everyone’s expectations are…lay it out!
  4. SAY I LOVE YOU AND MEAN IT– For some..saying ‘ i love you ‘ is not a big deal….Know when you mean it…It’ll be when you feel it in every pore of your being…Unless you both feel this way….one of you will always be looking!
  5. VACATION TOGETHER- are you a beach person and him a snow lover? does he love cities and do you need down time…. can you vacation together without wanting to kill each other?? a toughie….cos vacations is when we need to relax and want to relax. can you do down time WITH your partner or does he/she invade your space?
  6. GO THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH– Now here I am not saying that you have to go through a rough patch asap or NOW! But what I am trying to say is that its important that you understand how your partner and you go through a rough patch..because in life there will be several ups and downs… and its important to know how you BOTH deal with a down! Are you / him a partner in fair weather…HERE JUST ASKING SOMEONE DOESN’T WORK….you have to go thru it!go thru a bad together and make it still work for you!
  7. FIGHT– a really good and proper fight and make up and get through it! That shows you that you can retain your individuality and not care that the other person will leave you over an argument…Love is stronger than arguments and marriage is more than just a couple of fights!
  8. PLAN THE FUTURE – what do you want ? what does your partner want? are they both very, very different?
  9. DO NOTHING– So there will be evening where you both don’t have anything to do…no dates, no parties, no dinners….just you….! Can you both do nothing together?
  10. CHECK THE LIST–  Every one of us had an ideal person that we thought we’d be looking for…put the qualities of that imaginary person ( BUT BE REAL IN YOUR DESIRES…I MEAN YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO GET SOMEONE WHO HAS A FATHER RICHER THAN DONALD TRUMP & WHO HAS A HOTTER BIKINI BOD THAN PAM ANDERSON DID!) and weigh your  current against the negotiables (physical attributes) and the non-negotiables (character/qualities/work/family/money/religious beliefs/family ideals etc) and see if you’ve got a good match….if you have move heaven and hell to make it work!

…on a totally different note….rehearsals for sunday’s show have started and we are currently starting a campaign against one of the actor’s… SANKET BRUSH YOUR TEETH….with your own tooth brush… (don’t even ask!) your support will be greatly appreciated!