The Big Fight

They call Life – the ‘rat-race!’ They call Life-‘a fight’; ‘a struggle!’ They glorify fighting for what you believe in and sometimes in all the madness of fighting, you forget what you’re fighting for.

They tell you that you must ‘Fight for love’ and Fight for your dream’ and then ‘Fight to stay alive and afloat!’ And they forget that in the midst of all this fighting, it stops becoming fun and just becomes something you keep doing- pushing your head against an endless wall of pain because that’s what you’ve been conditioned to.

We’re not taught to believe. We’re taught to FIGHT to believe. We’re not taught to love. We’re taught to FIGHT for love. We’re not taught to succeed . We’re taught to FIGHT to succeed.

And then they wonder where all this aggression and anger comes from. Soldiers fight a war at the borders. We fight a war with ourselves every day. We’ve taken out the fun in life, love, relationships, beliefs and friendships… it’s a war and apparently we HAVE TO WIN! Life’s not about the fun of competition or the joy of the experience- it’s a war and you have to fight to stay alive!

Right from childhood , you are taught to fight- fight hard, even fight dirty. This is ingrained in school , at home and even in sports. We don’t spend the same time spending people to respect, to love, to acknowledge, to see… that’s all a waste of time! And so our aggression is fine tuned till it’s almost inherent in every cell of our bodies.

Well I’m tired. I’m out. I’m out of the fight.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop working or achieving- this just means I’m going to have fun doing it! I’m not fighting you, I’m too busy propping myself up…I’m too busy ENCOURAGING ME TO BE ME… and I’m not going to fight you because that war is not worth my energy or my time!

I’m done. I win! :)… guess the conditioning takes a while longer to rub off!

 

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i love you. i hate you.

Those petty fights.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

You took too long on saying I love you. You think I’m fat? You don’t buy me anything. You forgot my birthday/ our date/ to meet me.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

Those petty fights.

You don’t care about me. You don’t listen. You shout too much. You nag to much. I hate your friends. You hate my drinking/ football/ work/ late nights.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

Those petty fights.

You left me alone. You yelled. You talked to her. I hate your ex. You hate my mom. I hate this car. I hate your hair. You hate my dress. You hate everything I wear.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

Those petty fights.

Every moment could be our last. Do we really want to go fighting or being fought with?Is it really important? Is that what we really mean to say?

I love you. I’m sorry. I tried. I mean well. You inspire me. You challenge me. I must be better for you.

Please. Love me. Thank you.

 

Treat her like a lady!

Stop wishing me ‘Happy Women’s Day!’ Don’t fill your offices with balloons or give me a free cookie with a cup of coffee! Don’t give me chocolates or roses. Don’t smile at me unnecessarily or create lunches to felicitate me!

Instead treat me as an equal. Treat me with respect. Pay me the same as you would a man for the same job. Do not doubt my commitment to work because I have a family and do not doubt my commitment to my family because I work. Don’t comment on me as if I were an object. You don’t own me . You never will. I own me. Listen to me. Talk to me. Hear me. Believe in me. Fight for me. Love me.

Don’t lust for me. Don’t abuse me. Don’t hurt me. Don’t demean me. Don’t laugh at my dreams. Don’t mock my ambition. Don’t think of me as weaker. Don’t lie to me.

I may not be your sister, your wife, your mother or related to you. But I still am a woman. I am the glue in a family. I am the strength in a home. I can bear your children and raise them with love and care. I create. I nurture. I give love. I give life. I give strength.

So don’t wish me ‘Happy Women’s Day-‘ treat me the way a woman should be treated- with care and love; with respect and awe. Treat me special every day, all the time because I give you the respect of being a man… give me the respect of being a lady!

 

Done, dusted, forgotten about!

And now that the year is coming to a close, you start taking stock of everything that went by! Seems easier to take stock when the year has come to an end and suddenly the enormity of what you just went through hits you! Take a moment. Breathe. You made it! 2012 is over! Scraped, bruised and a bit beaten- you’ve come out punching! Some of us have come out smarter, some of us wiser, some of us harder, some of us better looking– but all of us have survived!

It’s funny when you take moment to think about all that you went thru- the first things that go thru your mind are the heart aches, the lost job opportunities , the fights, the losses, the break ups… the pain. It’s a lot harder to remember the laughter, the great conversations, the new formed friendships, the small wins , the drunken , crazy, incredible evenings, the small gestures, the kindness…. the love!

So this new year…I’m starting a ‘Memories and moments jar!’ – a jar where I will slip in a piece of paper and write the date along with any positive event that happened…! Anything- it could be the day I laughed for 10 minutes non stop, or a day where Cookie did something wonderfully cute, or the day where Aditya bought me flowers…just because! Anything funny, interesting and wonderful…so that next December 31st instead of thinking of how amazing it was that I’ve come out relatively unscathed…I will open up the jar and reminisce at a year full of wonderful moments, hilarious anecdotes and remember the love!

Have a super , super new year! 🙂 See you all on the other side!

Love is…

  1. A feeling of calm….Love makes you feel content not hyper. It calms you. Love is not control. You cannot use love to control someone nor must you let them use love to control you
  2. Hard…It’s work and it’s work that has to be done every day. It needs to be oiled like a machine or a car. It needs to be freshened up. It needs to be looked after. Just the way you look after your favourite possession or even yourself…you must look after love else like a plant without water it will die too.
  3. Laughter… Laughing with someone you love ad enjoying fun filled moments is what love is all about. Love is not about making fun of another person or laughing AT them…it’s about laughing WITH!
  4. Learning…Learning together and learning more about the one you love is what love’s about…If you have all the answers- you’ll soon lose interest.
  5. Fighting…Fighting for things you believe in and fighting to prove who you are is what love is all about and learning to grow stronger from the fights -that’s what makes a great relationship! Fighting for each other is incredible and empowering. Fighting with your fists however is NOT love. It’s cowardice and weak. And love is neither cowardly or weak.
  6. Listening even when nothing is said. It’s learning to be in the moment , to care about someone besides yourself, to hear them even when they say that they have nothing to say. Love is intuitive and thoughtful. Love is not selfish.
  7. Painful…like a quick prick of an inoculation needle. It hurts, it feels, it pains, it heals! It is wonderful and dramatic and calm and thoughtful. It is a medley of contradictions. The pain happens because you feel so much for a person but the pain must go and from that a stronger understanding of the person must arise…else it isn’t love….it’s just pain!
  8. Not red roses all the time. Sometimes it’s sitting doing nothing. Sometimes it’s hospital visits and tears and sometimes it’s just about space. Love is possessive but it’s not a stalker!
  9. Strength. Love gives you the strength to be all that you want to be, gives you the faith where you had none and gives you the power to believe! Love is strength!
  10. Not a compromise…Love is never a compromise.Love is an addition of things you love. If it’s about subtraction, division and negatives then in the end you will end up feeling cheated and love is not a cheat!

 

The Love List!

 

 

So there comes in time in every relationship when you make ‘the list.’ The list is all the guys/ girls you’ve dated and then what you actually want on the other side! And what’s really funny (and I think a personal joke for Fate!) is that who you end up with  may have just a few or none of the things on your very dramatic first list! 😉 So to make a more realistic list here’s what I think should be on it!

Forget about the looks …looks come, looks go…! Looks fade and now looks can be completely altered….! So that’s just transient! Now I’m writing about a guy…but the same list applies for men…just change the gender !

  1. Does he challenge you? Not to a duel or fighting match…but can he match wits with you… Can he talk first? Can he bring up interesting things to do? Does he argue with you and challenge you to think, to feel ,to accomplish?
  2. Does he make you smile? He doesn’t need to be a comedian or juggler….but can he make you smile…even when he’s not around. Take a moment to think of him….now- did you smile?
  3. Does he encourage you to take chances…even when you’re afraid cos you know he’;ll be there like a landing mat if you came crashing down ! Playing safe is okay in life but sometimes a little bit of crazy can really bond two people together…so does he make you feel you can accomplish your crazy dreams!?
  4. Does he fight for you?!? Not a physical fight or even a verbal fight but if push came to shove which side of the line would he be on? Would he be by your side or move away cos he doesn’t like a scene? You want the one who’ll be with you when your down to make sure you can be down but never out!
  5. Does he share some of your interests ? That’s a great talking point and a great bonding point!
  6. Can he do NOTHING with you? Just a day vegging out or sleeping or watching TV or not talking…can he be there by your side and most importantly does it still feel comfortable?
  7. Can you be comfortable with him- leave you hair loose, put on shorts, watch idol and cry and can he be comfortable with you- swear at the tv, watch a match with the same intensity as if he were playing it, fight with you knowing that you won’t leave…. Can you be honest?
  8. Can you create a gibberish language and still understand each other…or look at him and know what he’s thinking…do you take the time to connect? Do you want to?
  9. Do you respect him? Relationships are formed with respect. Make sure you respect yourself but make sure you respect him too… Without respect there’s no real relationship.
  10. When you hold hands does it all seem to make sense…

 

If some of this makes sense to you…add it in your list….I think you’ll find that this list is way cooler  than a list which just has his earning potential, his looks, his cars, her measurements, her legs, her eyes… 😉 you get the drift!

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marriage–my views!

so been getting lots of posts and tweets regarding my views on marriage….some feel that i think (after the amount of advice i give;-) ) that it’s too tough…others ask if i’m anti-marriage or for love and still others ask if i love the concept of love too much and therefore love the concept rather than the actual thing!!!

so i’ve decided to put speculation to rest…for myself and for the rest! i was and have always been commitment phobic…anyone who knows me knows the only thing i was more scared of than marriage was children  (any child) and birds (well ….that’s another story entirely!)…but when i got sick and paralyzed i was scared that i may never experience the comfortability of holding hands, of coming home to someone , of  just being able to be with someone and so when my ‘knight in office-wear’ (aditya) proposed i accepted as  i thought it was important to go thru as many life experiences as i could before (God- forbid) i got back in hospital again…

since then i approached marriage as a journey, a life lesson and an experience and i believe i have lived through it…

marriage is about making mistakes and finding someone to forgive you. it’s about going the wrong way knowing your lost and still going along because it’s ok if the 2 of you are lost together. it’s about fights and tears and laughing over spilt milk…. it’s about learning together. it’s about growing together and give and take…it’s about knowing that every day won’t be perfect…but it’s pretty awesome finding someone who’ll smile for you when you get home…it’s about having dreams and having a partner in crime fueling your madness and even when you come crashing down to the hard, cold ground…it’s about your partner pushing you back up and re-convincing you to be mad all over again!

days won’t be perfect when your married…but then perfection is sometimes over-rated…you are going to have to learn to share when you’re married; but then again, you share the tough times and the tears as well!

in an instant world – don’t look for an instant match… wait for him/ her. search for true love. when you find true love…don’t expect it to be perfect…remember he/she needs only to be perfect for YOU!