The Farce that was #MeToo

And so the farce of #MeToo ended in a whimper. And we can be feminists about this and say , ‘well at least stories were told.’.. but to be realists- what good did that do any way?!

Stories were told, sordid details shared and every newspaper (even the serious ones) became gossip rags proudly sharing salacious details. We had news reports dissecting the who said what’s and when stuff happened and companies , film houses and advertising agencies proudly denouncing men who were caught up for their lecherous moves and unforgivable behaviour towards women.

We enjoyed the headlines we made by denouncing the creeps and we enjoyed the ‘stand that we took’ and the praise it seemed to garner us. We became proud supporting our women and we assured them that this would never ever be tolerated again.

And then overnight, we forgot it. It became inconvenient when the headlines changed and politics and other world issues took centre stage, It became a non-issue when we weren’t being applauded for just being a non lecherous creepy human being. It just became unimportant again.

And the creeps went back to work. Some were never even fired or let go of. It seems like it was difficult to expect a higher standard of human decency from people. Cases were dropped because creeps filed counter cases with more goons threatening the victim and she faced even more harassment. It was bad enough to be tabloid news fodder but to be openly shamed on social media and to have your case being discussed, distorted and destroyed by people who didn’t even know you was something the victims dealt with because for the first time they felt they had a voice and that even with all the noise, the people, the right people cared and were listening.

But then it hit home truly, when support was withdrawn; when law enforcers chose to humiliate rather than help and when quite literally their personal story became yesterday’s garbage.

I guess asking for change might have been too much. But may be we could have done more than just completely turn away from them. I guess it doesn’t mean anything unless it happens to you.

But when it does will anyone support you?

Trust me- after this – I wouldn’t ask you to hold your breath.

I knew that we were becoming shallow. I knew that women and women’s rights in India were never a priority but right now I have to say ,I am well and truly disappointed.

I guess #MeToo, your #TimesUp ­čśŽ

P.s.(Palat says)-: We need to be better. Not just because we owe it to humanity but because we owe it to ourselves.

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What I’ve learnt so far…(love, relationships,women and men!)

So I was listening to the Sunscreen Song…a fave of mine whenever I’m down! And before you ask why….I am overtired and overworked and sometimes an instant pep up is in order…! The song got me thinking….I love relationships, love and dispensing advice ;-)…so maybe i should list out some of the things I’ve learnt so far…

  1. Love has got to make you smile…if there are more tears than cheers…you are in the wrong relationship!
  2. Women cry when they get hurt…men may not…that doesn’t mean what you say doesn’t hurt them!
  3. Dates are important…never let the woo-ing period ever end….even when the honeymoon does!
  4. Life is hard- cut yourself a break sometimes!
  5. Smile- even if you have nothing to smile about…just smile…it’s better than a caffeine pick up (and with my love for coffee if I’m saying that-it must be!)
  6. Whenever you’re going thru a bad day…there’s probably someone who’s going thru worse…so still count ur blessings!
  7. We’re all equally scared and doing things for the first time- women and men- it’s not that either sex is less scared; it’s just that certain people hide their worries a little better!
  8. Travel. See the world. Learn how amazing it is. The magnificence and largeness of the world makes you understand how you are just a small part of something incredible.
  9. You don’t know what someone else is going through… so give them a break if they seem unreasonable sometimes. You probably seem unreasonable to some people too!
  10.  Celebrate everything- the wins, the losses and everything in between.
  11. Care for at least one person more than you care for yourself. And don’t expect that back. Just care – cos you do!
  12. It’s never too late to start over.It’s never too late to change career path, life, relationships, anything. Follow your heart.
  13. Believe. Even when it seems impossible- believe.
  14. You are younger today, than you will ever be- enjoy it.
  15. Find friends. Make friends. Be a friend.
  16. Say ‘I love you’ to those you love for absolutely no reason at all. It makes you both feel good.
  17. Any conversation you have could be the last you have with that person… so be careful with your words.
  18. Write your angry emails and then save them to drafts. Go back to them later, read them to somebody- and only then send them.
  19. Show up or don’t be there…. Don’t just turn up. Give something your full focus else don’t be there…
  20. You are much more beautiful / handsome than you think you are!

P.s. (Palat says)-: I am trying to focus on a few of these this week… will let you know how it goes. And yuppp I did tone down the angry email before I sent it !

Happy Hallmark Holiday

I am not the bra burning feminist type and I personally love most fake ‘holidays’ like Valentines day, Fathers Day, Mothers Day et all. But Women’s Day, especially in India, to me is a bit of a joke!

It’s Women’s Day when Women don’t need to demand equal pay- they get it.

It’s Women’s Day when it’s not lucky that you can move around Mumbai as a city at night , despite being a woman- it’s when it’s always safe for everyone- man or woman in any city on any night. Safety should be a right- not a privilege!

It’s Women’s Day when we don’t have to watch what we wear or how we wear it, because your mind doesn’t automatically assume the worst if we wear sleeveless shirts or shorts.

It’s Women’s Day when we can rise as fast in a company as men and not be told it’s because we are women but because we deserve it.

It’s Women’s Day when it is not automatically assumed that home-work is just the women’s domain and that the work space is not automatically a male domain.

It’s Women’s Day when men see us as equals, as partners and as movers and decision makers.

Till then keep the flowers, cards and sappy messages coming- I’ll collect them all but know that it’s not Women’s Day till you make a change in how you see me.

P.s. Palat Says-: Gender roles have changed so much over the years…. I am now proud to say that when we hire a person , we’ve never cared whether the person has been a man or woman- it’s just been about how good they are. We try and affect the same policy when meeting people too!

Love- is that really the crime?

In a world of hate, we could do with a little bit of love…

Life has changed so very much… Where our parents got married in they’re early twenties, we choose to spend our twenties working or traveling or if we’re lucky- doing both! We spend our lives on social networking sites and learn to market ourselves like a product- coldly and calmly and avoid getting overly attached incase we have to rework brand strategy based on what our ‘friends’ or ‘followers’ feel! This being said we have a million acquaintances but very few friends; every sees the mask we hide behind and we make every effort to make that mask perfect, flawless and beautiful hiding true emotions and feelings because that can only make us look ‘ugly’ right? Being single is now not taboo…infact it’s more of the norm than ever. Who has the time for love? And in this world, how can you let your defences down and even try to love? So we remain more rigid, more cold and even more alone.

And then those that seem to fall in ‘love’ seem to fall out immediately… Divorce happens. In this fast paced world of ours we have quick weddings and even quicker divorces and this makes us question love even more.

We’re not the same world any more. We’re not as safe. Among the 4 letter words that come to mind- angry words, hateful words come first- they easily trump ‘love.’

And that’s our excuse… we don’t have time for love… We may not even believe in it.

But in a world of hate can we be so selfish and self centred to not allow love among anyone else either? When 2 people love each other can we actually punish them for it- criminalise them for it? Why? Because we don’t understand it? Because it goes against our beliefs and fundamentals? Because it’s against ‘religion?’

Every religion preaches love and in a world slowly losing its humanity and love, when 2 people love each other regardless of whether they’re man-woman, man-man or woman-woman… should be allowed to love.

In a world where rapists go free, where fraudsters make millions and stay out on bail, where terrorists are never tracked; in a world where anger, rage and hate dominate our newspapers and senses every single day- would it be so terrible  to allow two consenting adults to fall in love? Is that really a crime?

Or are we hiding behind our own masks of self- righteousness and selfishness because if we can’t find love- noone else should? Now that’s the real crime.

 

Treat her like a lady!

Stop wishing me ‘Happy Women’s Day!’ Don’t fill your offices with balloons or give me a free cookie with a cup of coffee! Don’t give me chocolates or roses. Don’t smile at me unnecessarily or create lunches to felicitate me!

Instead treat me as an equal. Treat me with respect. Pay me the same as you would a man for the same job. Do not doubt my commitment to work because I have a family and do not doubt my commitment to my family because I work. Don’t comment on me as if I were an object. You don’t own me . You never will. I own me. Listen to me. Talk to me. Hear me. Believe in me. Fight for me. Love me.

Don’t lust for me. Don’t abuse me. Don’t hurt me. Don’t demean me. Don’t laugh at my dreams. Don’t mock my ambition. Don’t think of me as weaker. Don’t lie to me.

I may not be your sister, your wife, your mother or related to you. But I still am a woman. I am the glue in a family. I am the strength in a home. I can bear your children and raise them with love and care. I create. I nurture. I give love. I give life. I give strength.

So don’t wish me ‘Happy Women’s Day-‘ treat me the way a woman should be treated- with care and love; with respect and awe. Treat me special every day, all the time because I give you the respect of being a man… give me the respect of being a lady!

 

i love valentines day!!!…and what i did….

happy valentines day y’all!!!!

i love love…well when people ask me why i go overboard loving a day that’s not even an ‘official’ holiday or birthday or something….i gotta just say…well in a world where people love war and love hate and love pain and love so many ugly, ugly things…i think it’s a pretty good deal to love love and to love valentines day!

i think it’s important to actually take some time out to celebrate mush and rom- coms and love stories…it’s important to date someone even if you’ve been with them forever…to dress up, smile and be wooed again…it’s important to bring back the twinkle in your eye and to have your heart skip a beat! it’s important!

to those who say they celebrate love every day / every week….then stop using that as an excuse and still send the flowers over, make a reservation …take ur lady out and make her feel like a girl again…giddy in love and happy!

so what did i do?

well yesterday we had our play…love bytes…a packed auditorium…a 150 seater packed with over 600 people!!! incredible, filled with moments of wondrous passion for theatre….acting opposite aditya was truly amazing…it was like we were part of an orchestra yesterday and we fed off each other, played off each other and though the audience clapped after every scene and seemed to love us…we had an even better time…i believe!

and then he surprised me by bringing in v- day! so i assumed , we’d go to the regular souk or thai pavilion…we were dressed to the hilt and high after an incredible play and thunderous applause! but we passed the taj and then didn’t turn off towards the president and kept down marine drive, passed home and suddenly moved into olive…. one of my faves! but that’s not even the best part… he had organised a private table…with the red table cloth n all…and a special menu…just for the 2 of us… ALL MY FAVOURITE DISHES! and the personalized menu…had us on the cover and it had a poem written to me….HIS VALENTINE!

i almost wept with delight…i am impossible to surprise(me being so nosy n all) and have such fixed favourites in terms of food, ambience and everything and he’d combined it all to make the most perfect evening!

my first valentine date with him was 9 years ago…and yesterday TOPPED THAT!