I’m never gonna be who I thought I would

All through our lives we’ve been taught to make a difference, do more, be more!

And then it gets to a point- and here may be it’s the impending Birthday Me talking, where you worry- have I actually achieved what I was supposed to have… or was it all just castles in the sky created by my indulgent, loving parents (who btw are throwing a birthday dinner for me tonight- so yay!)… so I decided to take stock!

Well I started out right, topped school, went to Stanford and then I left Stanford prematurely to start acting. Interesting choice!

I started doing films, and started a Production house. One film became seven; the production house put on some truly memorable plays. Each play made me learn to give back to society and be really grateful as to where I was.

I got sick, got Multiple Sclerosis, was told I wouldn’t move but Docs ain’t got nothin on my stubbornness! So up I was and back at work!

I wrote and here I shall boast a bit (allow me, it’s my blog) a truly exceptional play where we toured the world, won numerous World Awards and gave lots of money to a cause I truly supported.

I found a tumour in the pituitary in my brain- didn’t waste a second ,started another company and an Not for profit charity, moved offices.

I have directed TV, commercials, digital, short films and anything that has a story- I have learnt to tell.

I have loved one dog with all my soul and another takes up my heart.

I see my family regularly and it’s still not enough; spend every waking moment I can stalking my husband, who annoys me , infuriates me, challenges me, engages me and loves me.

I’ve not done anything I planned to do when I was a child- but I’ve done so much more than I dreamed of. I’ve lived a life that I couldn’t have imagined because you can’t write lives like mine…

I may not be who I was but I am so excited to see who I will become…so as I countdown the days to my birthday…I’m going to celebrate who I have become with all those who’ve made me who I am on this crazy journey we call life.

P.s. (Palat says)-: You may not be where you think you want to be; but you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now!

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i FEAR!

Fear.

We sell fear. We buy fear. We live in fear.

We wake up in the mornings and the newspapers scare us. Where we live is unsafe, what we’re eating is wrong, what we’re doing will destroy us…we wake up to fear.

We then go to work, fearing the repercussions of a boss who may one day fire us, a client who may one day not need us, a job where one day we’ll prove we’re replaceable by someone younger, smarter and more ambitious. We work in fear.

We come home trying got do everything the same way we have always done, faring change; lest the wife leaves us, the children hate us, the neighbour bitches about us, the friends prefer other people to spend time with. We come home in fear.

And then we exercise for fear we’ll get diabetes or a heart attack or die. We eat what the newspapers say is good for us till another study prints that all that we thought was good is now bad and we may die any way and then the fears just grow and grow and grow!

Fear starts when we’re young and our parents tell us if we don’t go to sleep ‘the Boogie man will come for us’ and then as we grow older the Boogie man becomes our jobs, our marriages, our life choices …even our food!

We fear the newspapers…we don’t celebrate the victories- big or small.

We fear our jobs- we stop enjoying them

We fear our marriages- love goes out of the window

We fear our health- an the fear causes stress and a whole new set of illnesses.

We live in fear and stress and then the fear and stress finally kills us.

I don’t know how this will work… but this week’s resolution (and I say this week…. because it’s going to be tough to retrain a system which has only been taught stress and fear)- is to HAVE NO FEAR…. I mean… think of the incredible things that I could achieve just with hard work…not worrying about a negative consequence… the possibilities are truly limitless!

Try it with me? And let’s check back on how this felt!