With unimaginable pain …

And as the steroids ended and my body struggled to fix itself I understood what pain and starting over truly felt like.

Steroids made me relearn how easy it is to take our body for granted. The simplest thing like taking a straight step became a chore and my body hurt in places I didn’t know could hurt at all.

But with that came respect. I began re learning movement, the joy of getting one step right– I can do about 5 now and the absolute joy of even one second of no pain.

It also made me re look at where I was and who I wanted to be and I realised with great joy that I had become the person I’d dreamed of becoming… the person in ‘if (by Rudyard Kipling)’ who learns to start over without a moment’s hesitation, who keeps on going and who is inspirational. And I was proud.

In life we all get our own personal struggles, it’s how we deal that makes us the people we are.

The weekend had 2 blocked veins – I equate it to 2 long client meetings. I had so much pain… I equate that to crazy work stress that we all often deal with. And I had sleepless , painful nights that I compare to the delays we face in work done and appreciation received.

And then I got the flu on a day we had a long, much awaited for Client meeting and woke up in a personal hell of pain and sickness. I put my ego aside and asked for help and with the strength that can only come from family (i.e. Mom), I was able to semi-recover and power on to a fabulous and rewarding day.

We all have a choice- every day, to either get up and roll with the punches or go to sleep and wait for another day. The new day may be brighter or duller- but a dull day can always become bright- it’s up to you to wake up and do the best you can with it.

We don’t get just one chance to make the day a better day. We get numerous chances. So why waste it? I was told numerous times I was doing too much and needed to recover and much as I agreed… I knew I was also getting a second chance at making things right and doing things over and re-learning.

And as much as every day hurt, I would have hurt more if I hadn’t tried.

So I get up and fight another day knowing that the world and my life is worth fighting for, knowing that it’s both the ups and downs that makes life worthwhile…and it’s because of the downs that the ups are even more special.

And so I’m off to a party filled weekend with tons of laughter and joy knowing that this will drown out the fuzziness and pain and illness and even happier that I have another day to recognise the power and awesomeness of the life we get to live.

P.s. (Palat says)-: It shouldn’t take illness or pain or steroids to learn to value all that we have… but sometimes its a good push in the right direction.

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i FEAR!

Fear.

We sell fear. We buy fear. We live in fear.

We wake up in the mornings and the newspapers scare us. Where we live is unsafe, what we’re eating is wrong, what we’re doing will destroy us…we wake up to fear.

We then go to work, fearing the repercussions of a boss who may one day fire us, a client who may one day not need us, a job where one day we’ll prove we’re replaceable by someone younger, smarter and more ambitious. We work in fear.

We come home trying got do everything the same way we have always done, faring change; lest the wife leaves us, the children hate us, the neighbour bitches about us, the friends prefer other people to spend time with. We come home in fear.

And then we exercise for fear we’ll get diabetes or a heart attack or die. We eat what the newspapers say is good for us till another study prints that all that we thought was good is now bad and we may die any way and then the fears just grow and grow and grow!

Fear starts when we’re young and our parents tell us if we don’t go to sleep ‘the Boogie man will come for us’ and then as we grow older the Boogie man becomes our jobs, our marriages, our life choices …even our food!

We fear the newspapers…we don’t celebrate the victories- big or small.

We fear our jobs- we stop enjoying them

We fear our marriages- love goes out of the window

We fear our health- an the fear causes stress and a whole new set of illnesses.

We live in fear and stress and then the fear and stress finally kills us.

I don’t know how this will work… but this week’s resolution (and I say this week…. because it’s going to be tough to retrain a system which has only been taught stress and fear)- is to HAVE NO FEAR…. I mean… think of the incredible things that I could achieve just with hard work…not worrying about a negative consequence… the possibilities are truly limitless!

Try it with me? And let’s check back on how this felt!

Things I learnt this year… (about me!)

As every year comes to an end we look forward to a new beginning…not really a new beginning because come monday morning and its just another monday morning except now the new year’s Monday seems to be even scarier than all other Mondays having the ridiculous responsibility of a full year in front of it…! But at the end of the year…we seem to press re-start…All pour dreams that we couldn’t fulfill or make time for now has another whole year to come true….its exciting, romantic and wondrous- the new year and all of its millions of possibilities!

But to give the old year credit…I did learn a few incredible things so here goes!

  1. You can never make enough time for the one/ ones you love because love cannot be measured in time….its value supersedes all…In the end of the day life is not a pay check or home address it’s the laughter and joy of families and friends and i am so very grateful for both!
  2. I have a wanderlust and want to travel everywhere…I always knew I was a wanderer but visiting Athens, Tasmania, the dessert and Udaipur makes me realise it doesn’t matter where…i need to wander, to learn, to breathe!
  3. I have learnt to partially control my bad days….I have bad days on and off because of my nuero illness…Accepting them was hard; going thru them harder. But now I know when to slow down, how to slow down and how to get back up and I am infinitely happier!
  4. I have the power to forgive…who knew!!!? Divya, the hard ass with the unforgiving temper can forgive! Forgiveness for me doesn’t mean I forget….it just means that I can open my heart out to you slowly again…that in itself is a huge step for me! And I’m learning to stop judging people on my harsh Divya scale…that only disappoints and its always nice to have friends. For all you know on their scale you might be failing too!
  5. I have learnt to laugh …full bodied , loud and God that relaxes me!
  6. I have learnt that the only critics you need are also your biggest supporters….please them and you’re doing ok!
  7. I have learnt that when life throws you a curve ball -stop blaming life and get on with the game…If you don’t complain …you’ll move on stronger and win!
  8. I’ve learnt its better to have an opinion than no opinion at all and it’s better to elicit opinions of others–good or bad…because the worst is if people are indifferent…Indifference = lack of caring and I need all the care I can get!
  9. Surprises are always fabulous! So surprise someone today! Make their day!
  10. Nothing makes me happier than a warm cup of coffee …! (hint, hint aditya!)

 

happy countdown to the new year all!