You don’t define me

How do we stop others from defining who we are? In a large part, what we think of ourselves comes from what others think of us. This starts when we’re much younger. “Oh you’re so clever,” a teacher might say. Or “she’s so pretty,” a mother might say. And these adjectives then become in a large part who we think we are. It’s like these opinions are our mirror and we see ourselves through other people’s eyes.

What happens then when a boss says “he/ she is more driven than you” Or a friend says “you’re not built to do xyz.” There are 2 ways to deal- 1. Roll over and let whoever that is , with their limited vision define you. Or, 2. Go ahead and do whatever you believe you can achieve. Sure, 2 sounds amazing in theory- but it’s hard and there will be millions of moments where you’ll let yourself down, where you’ll start believing the nay-sayers, where you will doubt all that you believe in… but if you push through you can break their distorted mirror of you and make a cleaner more perfect one for yourself.

No one knows this more than I do. I went into hospital on Friday 2005,May something or the other. Between Friday and Monday- I remember nothing. I do believe I had a few MRI’s and I do remember people trying to keep me awake and then there is just darkness.

When I awoke on Monday, I was on a bed in Breach Candy hospital with a strange man looking over me. “I am sorry,” he said ,”you came in too late. Your brain has been compromised and you are left side paralysed and will not be able to move again. There’s nothing more we can do.” When I stared at this man disbelievingly, he challenged me – “Don’t believe me- try and make a fist with your left hand… go on now… try!” And as he goaded me I tried to earnestly to make a fist, to prove him wrong. He was right. I couldn’t and so my right hand held my left hand and closed it into a fist. He nodded as if to say I told you so. And then he left.

We can let others decide who we will be or we can get up and live the life we think we deserve to live. It won’t be easy and it may take years to get to where some people take minutes to go. But who is to define our lives except for us? We get one life. Why should we allow other to get their own lives and ours? Shouldn’t we take ownership of that ourself?

P.s. (Palat says)-: Our personal mirrors may not be rose tinted or even clean, but we can create our being in the way we’d like to see ourselves. Let’s stop blaming others for defining us and let’s define ourself.

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Monetizing the #MeToo movement

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There must be a special place in hell for those who not only stamp all over the #MeToo movement , but think it’s okay to monetise it!

It wasn’t just a movement … #MeToo was a cry for help, for acknowledgement, for people to take responsibility for their boorish, lecherous and downright despicable behaviour!

But much like things that take time, work, patience and see-through- we too got bored once the gossip faded away and left our very strong ‘victims’ (I use this in inverted commas because they are heroes, for telling their stories) to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives and move on.

In most cases (not all) no help or support was even given to the ‘victims’, in fact they were trolled incessantly, threatened in person and online and used as click-bait for publications who wanted to score a messier detail or a more sordid story. But whereas in most cases the media was clearly on the ‘victim’s’ side they eventually stopped fighting for them, because of stronger spends by richer predators or just because the world continued moving , as did news, and well, these stories were clearly not progressing.

So just as these horrors became yesterday’s news (quite literally); you now see the arrival of the ‘liberators’ of the ‘predators!’ These are the people determined to change the news cycle and ensure that these predatory crapholes get a new lease of life… They’ll put them back in to a position of power , because well their reputation has been ‘ruined.’ Forget about the scores of ‘victims’ they abused, molested or even raped! Surely ‘these people’ need to be allowed to come back to society.

And so I question -why!?

Why should they not be punished? Why should I welcome or even care about them? Why should I allow their hideous bodies to crawl out of the hole they have been hiding in… and more importantly- who am I to allow them to do any of this!!!??????

If a thief steals from you- he goes to prison- that’s his rehabilitation.

If a rapist rapes- he’s in prison or hung.

These people got away with stealing self worth, molestation and rape so many times and there are people who are concerned that a 5 week break from civilised society has been too hard on them!!!!!!!

Seriously.

Maybe the #MeToo stories have stopped for now. But let’s not make a mockery of something that should be basic to any society.

Let’s uphold some of the ‘victim’s’ dignity.

After all it may be ‘#YouToo’ next. And wouldn’t you hope for the perpetrators to at least be held accountable!

They can’t take back what they did. But let’s not throw away basic accountability!

 

 

To all the liars out there…

I have been blessed over the last few years to have been able to eliminate the majority of the negative people in my life which has allowed more space for new, fabulous and positive people in…

These people inspire me to think every day. They inspire me to be better, do more, feel more and achieve more.

But every so often you’re given a blast from the past and are witness to some of the negative people you let go of and you are reminded about why they aren’t with you anymore. These are the people who will lie about you, will try and walk on top of you just to achieve some sense of achievement. And it makes me proud.

Proud that I left them.Proud that I did good.

I am without you for a reason.

I am sorry I still figure in your conversations. And you need to spin it, to make your self the  winner…!

I don’t need to spin anything any more.

I am surrounded by winners. I am surrounded by heroes. I am surrounded by people so incredible…I become a little more fabulous each day. I am surrounded by superstars and I don’t take anything away from them to make me feel better about my life cos it’s pretty perfect … especially now that you’re not in it! (sorry couldn’t risk the childish dig!)

cuviybmwgaejimz

 

Today I feel good.

Start your day saying this.

Even on the days where everything hurts, nothing wants to wake up and where the bed is your only friend.

Today I feel good.

Say it when everything is going stupidly wrong and when no-one around you is even trying to make sense and all that you created or worked for is shot to hell.

Today I feel good.

When deadlines close in.When bosses are mean for no reason at all. When nothing makes sense.

Today I feel good…

Say it long enough and loud enough and guess what, you may just trick the universe in to giving you the most amazing day!

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Vote for…

On the eve of the most divisive election with all the mud slinging and name calling I realised one thing… that regardless of who you are and what place you have reached there’s always someone (or in most of our cases, more than a few people) who will HATE you. Yes, the capitalised BOLD— H-A-T-E.

So there’s a progression I’ve realised now- there are the critics… previously critics were unbiased individuals who gave their honest (not paid for) opinion and we’d all read, follow and listen to their recommendations, because it came from a place of passion and honesty.

Then with the internet, overnight everyone became a critic. Then there were the paid critics and those who honestly just wanted to be contrary and suddenly you didn’t know who or what to trust any more…

And the really angry critics they became the trolls… they used their hate of people/ movies/ race/ religion or just of life to bully, abuse and critique anything and everything….

And the truly angry trolls , they became the haters…vicious, mean, hurtful and not bothering about anyone or anything at all…spewing a path of destruction and anger….

And in the midst of all this hate… sensitive souls, teenagers and people with hearts were actually getting hurt- there were those taking their lives basis hurtful posts or trolls… There were kids hurting themselves, being shamed online and searching for outlets to release the hurt and pain , finding none and then becoming trolls themselves… a terrifying spiral of the worst of human  nature.

A few weeks ago, someone posted on her timeline “I want to kill myself.”- that post got 43 likes- WHAT?

No-one asked/ posted why?People didn’t reach out… they didn’t ask what was wrong… they LIKED IT!

I called her and found out that she’d had a truly miserable day and spoke to her till she was done venting… but I realised that in this extremely connected online community , with it’s very mean lean… I think the only way to keep your sanity is to just believe your perfect…

I am not going to be loved by everyone. I may not even be liked by some…. and online since you don’t know me at all, or may be you do- you might hate, comment, troll or just dislike me…

I can’t change how you feel.None of us can.

So in the midst of all the mudslinging and hate, I realised most of us have it easy…we’re not trolled relentlessly or hated with an unbridled undeserved passion.. but we may still get hurt by the silly comment or the backhanded statement made by a ‘friend’… forgot about it.

We’re perfect just the way we are… and if they can’t see it… there’s something wrong with them…!

While USA Votes Hilary or Trump…

I say Vote for yourself… Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and lets the critics , even those inside your head take a break for a day- You are perfect.

VOTE YOU!

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Don’t compare!

 

It was a world where all you had to beat was yourself…and then for those especially over-competitive souls , you had to beat your sibling or your neighbour and have the better car, the bigger house, the more glamorous vacation or be the first to marry!

And then came social networks and filters and suddenly you stopped competing or comparing your life to the 5 people you did know but now suddenly to the hundreds you didn’t!

They had the more interesting evenings, the better looking spouses , the more amazing vacations and even the more talented kids! They were ‘checking-in’ to more glamorous places, eating the most delicious food at the most expensive restaurant in the city or even luckier ,they were vacationing in far cooler cities ‘just for the weekend!’

And what you forgot was that under all the filters and the check-ins were normal, equally insecure people and like you, they too were probably comparing themselves to someone else, or maybe to you , even , and were not living up!

Maybe they were as insecure about your early night-ins because they didn’t have someone to come home to. Or were jealous of the fact that you were smiling for no reason at all… because they missed being carefree…

Maybe they’d have traded in portions of their lives to be exactly where you are now.

Happiness has always been the ultimate quest…. but lets get there our way instead of trying to run someone elses’ race for them!

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The Exhaustion of Being

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So over a dinner with friends the other evening, it seemed like everyone was suffering the same malady… ‘I’m exhausted!’… ‘Done by 9!’….’Cant’t get out! Don’t even want to!’

The problem, we realised was not age… (despite the snickering yawns) or our jobs even…. it was just mental fatigue and the aversion to just do anything after the very long days we were all working.

A movie, a dinner, friends… were just more work… no fun!

When did ‘stress’ replace the word ‘life’?

When did ‘monday blues’ become ‘everyday woes’?

Between traveling in the city, impossible deadlines and the non-stop desire to keep moving life just became one long never ending day.

Stop. Sleep. Breathe. The world won’t fall off its axis without you.

I had a great night’s sleep last night and woke up to a perfectly brilliant morning where nothing was more or less stressful then the night before… The world hadn’t stop turning and life was a little easier thanks to the fact that I was in better humour!