Fear, MRIs and 5 ams

The stress of or the fear of something often is far larger than the actual task itself. This was at its clearest this week. With the planning of a surprise party, the visit to a new doctor, yet another (though each one is as stressful as the next) MRI and the travel and return travel on 5 am flights made for a memorable week.

The surprise party had to be perfect. Everything had to be planned without the inquisitive Birthday boys’ knowledge and we had to get him back in time lest the guests and here we kept it to family only let the cat out of the bag! The menu had to delight him and each of our demanding guests and the party had to be run on time despite the Mumbai rains and horrendous traffic snarls. Add to that a power cut which took out all the lights in the house, but none of the air conditioning! Candles were lit and the dinner with all its pre planning drama ended perfectly. The minute I just allowed myself to go with the flow instead of fighting to control it… I learned to have fun and actually enjoy the party!

I met the new doctor with trepidation and cynicism. Challenging him almost by telling him the hateful, scary things I’d been told over the years; I was taken aback when he empathised and even apologised for Doctors without tact and bedside manner. This threw me off because I expected him to stick with the way I had been treated thus far. The apology made me learn that the fear of one doctor can’t make you avoid all others. And as much as I don’t want to be seen as a clone of anyone else… I mustn’t assume that all in the same profession are alike either.

The MRI technician asked if I’d like to see ‘Friends.’I was taken aback. How was that possible? With a new machine, you could watch something, you may not hear it all but you could watch it. The 2 hr long series of MRIs were made more tolerable with a comedy show playing above my head!

5 am flights to meetings- would I hack it? Would I be on my best game? Worried I did not sleep all of night 1… And then the day ended and I was wonderful. The staying awake only made for dark circles- didn’t dampen my enthusiasm at all!

I write this as Day 2 begins (at 4:30 am now)- and now I’m not scared!

P.s. (Palat says)-: I do now what I do during an MRI. Take a deep slow breath and let the fear find another person they can cripple- not me!

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Relationship 201- What to do when the honeymoon period is over?

So you’ve met someone and the ‘honeymoon phase’ of the relationship is now kinda over. You disagree. You argue. He has an opinion (shocker) often different to yours (double shocker!). She stops dressing up. He’s not shaving that often. She’s stopped the heels… He’s stopped opening doors…And suddenly it seems like this isn’t going to work out any more…! I mean he/she seemed perfect till they stopped pretending and became who they are!

So how do you make it work?

How can it keep being fun/ fun-ish…?

How do you not become…(dreaded word here!) b-o-r-i-n-g!?

So as a self confessed commitment-phobe… yes I really HATED RELATIONSHIPS and most of my long ‘relationships’ lasted 3 days,4 days and one… an awful week…(I didn’t see him for 3 out of those days, so that helped!), these are my tips and tricks to keep your relationship in the ‘dating phase’ for a whole lot longer!

  1. Do a lunch date once a week… Escape from the humdrum of work/ normal life and just meet up for an hour… Once near your place of work/home and once near his… This makes the week less mundane and gives you a welcome break to spend with your partner. Have a quick meal and linger over coffee and dessert and just chat…! Take turn making the plans so it gives you something to look forward to! You’ll have a better afternoon at work after that for sure too!
  2. Dress up for dinner and go out once a week… Dress up! This is important because you can’t take your partner for granted. Don’t just dress up for the parties and the social do’s – make an effort and dress up for your partner – heels, straightened hair et all…girls and men- shave, suit up and take your lady out! Enjoy the dinner. Talk. Ask questions. Make travel plans. Laugh.
  3. Hold hands….seemingly easy…actually very hard. Hold hands when you are together. Hold hands when you fall asleep. Re-establish intimacy. HOLD HANDS.
  4. Share a hobby or a sport…OUTSIDE HOME! Go for a run! Go join a language class… Go gym together- Get out. Get out TOGETHER!
  5. Fight and finish your fights. Don’t change who you are or what you believe in. Fight for who you are. Fight about the death penalty, Lance Armstrong… whatever…. argue and then listen to each other. You fell in love with someone not because they were a clone of you…You fell in love with their differences…So listen to them.
  6. Ask about each other’s day- once in the morning where you hear all the plans. Then make a quick phone call at lunch to check on your better half and then at the end of the day ask how the day went and share. Sharing makes the other person realise that you value their opinion and also they get to hear how much you do. Talk and share!
  7. Make a few big dates… for me it’s out First Date Anniversary, Valentines Day, Wedding Anniversary, My birthday and his… and make those days super special… Take time to plan them together and make a day of it! Spa days, dinners, flowers…make the day special!
  8. Surprise each other- flowers, favourite foods, a CD… gift a gift – a no occasion ‘just because I love you’ gift. You used to do that when you dated…so don’t stop!
  9. Travel together…but most importantly PLAN THE TRAVEL together…! That’s all the excitement and so much happiness… so PLAN TOGETHER!
  10. Watch TV together and go to the movies… you may not like all his choices and he may not love all your rom-coms but watching something together , holding hands and just being… that relaxes the stress of a relationship and allows you to have opinions as a couple on silly tv shows and forgettable movies!

These are just 10 tips… there are so many more… But all I’m saying if you’ve found the right one… Don’t give up on him/ her because you think the ‘romance is over’ just change your definition of romance… The honeymoon may end but the love starts then…. And that period can be way better than the honeymoon ever was!

Have a romantic week ahead!

Love is hard-Tips and tricks to keep love alive!

 

The fairytale  romances you grew up listening to is not real love.

The romantic comedies almost never happen in real life.

Movies and books make love look easy. In reality they spoil us- they make us think that when you meet Mr. or Ms. Right, life just finds a way of working out with perfect background music and violins strumming and white birds flying magically past! In reality the moment you do find that person is usually fraught with drama, wrong decisions and tons of silliness and once you finish the drama and make up your mind- then real life takes over.

Responsibilities, your career, your home, your job, your life all suddenly also take their moment in the spotlight and before you know it the honeymoon is over and it’s wet towels and nagging that become your day.

But before you lose the romance, maybe make some time to be young again. Take the time to remember what you loved about your partner and more importantly what your partner loved about you. So though you may not be able to stay up or party till 2 am anymore maybe you can still do Date night and lunch rendezvous. Maybe you can still dress up for a night just with your partner or bring her breakfast in bed every so often. Maybe you can buy her flowers or buy him that book he’s been dying to read. Maybe you can shop together, coffee together or cook together. You can’t bring back the first blush of romance but  maybe you can make sure you never let the flame douse in dishwater and soggy towels and die.

My tips and tricks for a die hard romantic (like myself!!! Yup some of us never learn!)

  1. Do a date night! Just the 2 of you- no friends needed! AND DRESS UP! When you dated you waxed your legs and he combed his hair and dressed up. Make sure you look sensational- just for your date!
  2. Sneak out for a lunch rendezvous in between the week. Lunch break is an hour….spend it with your partner. Escape the monotony of work and enjoy a mid week lunch together. It makes work fun and the week less gloomy!
  3. Exercise together. Run, gym, walk the dogs…enjoy a morning of good exercise, great adrenalin and some happy endorphins!
  4. Take at least one holiday together. Plan it together, pack together and just learn to put aside work and stress and just enjoy each others company!
  5. Give him / her one surprise every week. They’ll be expecting a surprise …and be excited and you’ll be thinking of how to surprise them This can be as simple as flowers or breakfast in bed but it’s fun and it keeps a great energy thru the week!
  6. Say  ‘I Love You.’ I know you probably know it and I know your partner knows it too…but say it…It just makes him/her know you’re thinking of them!
  7. CALL. Even on work days- talk at least twice through the day just to check up- just to say you care!

These are just 7 off the top of my head..there are plenty more…

Drop me a line or add your own tip. I’d love to hear from you.

Also on the left side of your screen is a SUBSCRIBE BUTTON! Do SUBSCRIBE! I’d love to hear, talk and learn about love, life and all the drama it brings from you!

Risky romance!

Zdnet the most annoying web hosting server ever and so last week all the updates that I had made for the last 2 months were thrown to waste!!!!

This is possibly the third time in 2 years they’ve wiped out all updates and when I return to Mumbai I shall have to redo all my work- kind of like cleaning up a house and then some idiot throwing a kegger and then NOT cleaning up after!!!

WHEN I RETURN
 

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Currently I am in a private paradise celebrating my SIXTH anniversary with Aditya!

The day started with Breakfast in bed ( my romantic husband’s idea) followed by a Boxing lesson ( my idea) and now we’re on to more adventures! The boxing has been a step in the right directions as far as Aditya is concerned.My previous anniversaries have had us diving with sharks , jumping off planes and other mortally threatening romantic plans so boxing besides the high kicks and the mean left hook that I have was relatively harmless so far!!

That’s what marriage has taught us! What he likes and what I like our totally different- the trick is to do a little bit of both and (in my case) try to not kill him while I’m at it!


…and so there was no bread-( my weekend romance!)

the weekend started with the usual ,” where should we go? “, “where should we eat?” debates…i mean a week of home food, no sugar and plenty of exercise makes weekends THE MOST sought after days ever! this weekend was different…it was the weekend before my fifth anniversary. Now aditya and i make it a point to never be in town thru anniversaries…anniversary’s we believe, is about re-connecting, chatting, long walks, laughing, exploring new cities and eating at fabulous new ‘undiscovered’ gems! in my past anniversary’s i have swum with sharks, jumped off a plane and gone on the world’s fastest roller-coaster thereby shifting a disc on my back!

this anniversary we wouldn’t be going anywhere…anand my cousin has his wedding coming up and the family leaves for kerala on my anniversary (i.e. tomorrow) and we are stuck in mumbai, looking after my puppy ,cookie!

this is the back story.

naturally my parents were guilt-ridden about leaving on our anniversary and spent the last week convincing us that they definitely needed to take us out for lunch, brunch, dinner or anything we were up for….

so the weekend started with the lunch with the parents…the lunch was fun and we were getting ready to go back home when ‘the bread story’ began.

my mom needed bread and since we were dropping her home -could we go past the taj where my sister had chosen and left out some bread for her…my sister is director pr at the taj and my mom said that since it had been kept out for her-would it be too much of an inconvenience if we swung by the Taj.

naturally i said ofcourse we’d swing by and it would be no trouble at all…

i doubt the president of India has as much security as the Taj does and so naturally we couldn’t find parking….i was okay with this…since it seemed only a job that would take less than a minute or so- till aditya piped in- he wanted bread too and would it be a problem if i went and got some for him.

i was cross…relaxing in the car after a heavy lunch; i was quite content to go back home, watch a couple of tv shows and crash….my idea of the perfect weekend day; but aditya was insistent. i offered to man the car while he rushed in but that was vetoed by him and so quite crossly i went in to the taj with my parents and speed-stomping my way to la pattisiere.

halfway down the corridor…i heard ‘ divya’ and some more shouting saying ‘come back’ and went back towards the Taj palace reception where i was greeted by a smiling taj receptionist who prompty proceeded to garland me and wished me ‘happy anniversary.’ despite her being a few days early, i chose to smile and not correct her because that might take a bit of time and i was rushing to get aditya’s bread. this must have been a cheesy but very sweet joke on aditya’s and my sister’s part i thought…so i strutted off again with a renewed sense of urgency!

once again i was stopped and told that bread was not necessary…it WAS all part of a plan that aditya and my sister had worked out— but there was more…and aditya was on his way to tell us what was next!

aditya came in and was greeted with garlands and a tikka and behind him i saw an overnight bag packed and ready. we were checking in! even if just for a night…he wanted to ensure that we had our 5th anniversary and created an almost exact replica of when we first came to the taj after our wedding….

nikhila, my sister had upgraded us to the dolphin suite which was luxurious in every way and within minutes we were changed and at the pool    replicating our first stay after marriage at the Taj!

how my control freak self did not see luggage packed in my car or notice the swimsuit/ night clothes missing , i’ll never know… my only excuse is that on any day i’m not a morning person and more so on weekends !

how my husband still managed to surprise me 5 years into a marriage is still amazing…

and the weekend was even more incredible than i ever imagined…the first time ’round i was living for the first time with my best friend…i was still trying to get this ‘marriage thing’ right… now 5 years later- i still get the ‘marriage thing’ wrong. i shout and scream and don’t say the right things all the time or sometimes any time at all- but i’m still with my best friend and if it’s possible….i love him more!

 

here’s to forever baby…