So I’ve realised it takes a village to build you up and make you feel confident but it’s often just the one person that can bring that confidence crashing down! And that’s just sad…
What the tens, hundreds or millions say about you can be shattered by one thoughtless comment or one mean remark. It’s like that little devil inside of us barely needs a drop of water to take on a monstrous form and take us over completely.
And that’s why the trolls succeed so much. I used to visit a client ever so often and despite me being at my best; I’d watch how every compliment would be followed by a quick jibe, a passing thoughtless remark or just something plain mean. I noticed it a few times but I think it really came to a head when my team asked me what was wrong with them? I honestly didn’t know. Every time they made a comment it hurt but I tried to push it aside as much as I could and eventually knew when the comment would come , so played a song in my head to dull their words!
But then the husband came up with an insightful reason (no I wasn’t bribed to compliment him :)) they did this.He said that often people chose to use hurtful words to cover up what was happening in their lives. When they chose to criticise how I looked or that I spoke with an accent- it was often a reflection of them not being happy with what they looked like or how they spoke. And when I started really listening to what they were saying I saw all their deep rooted personal issues- marriage problems, body image issues, blatant racism and insecurities. And now I have realised that perhaps that’s the way to deal with trolls.
Everyone is on a journey. When they lash out, it’s more about what’s happening with them not with you. And when you re-teach yourself to think like that the hurt is less and you too are equally careful about how you speak.
P.s. (Palat says)-: Every person I meet I try and learn something from… even the worst people you meet have something they can teach you. Learn.
It didn’t happen to me…
It happened on TV…
And that’s our attitude… Buildings fall. Women get raped. People get murdered. Terror attacks happen. A cyclone devastates…
But it didn’t happen to me!
We want a better world for ourselves, for our future , for the future of our unborn children or our friends’ unborn children…and yet we make the grand gesture of—-wait for it….—–NOTHING!
Let’s cut the crap. Candle light vigils don’t help a girl after she’s been raped- punishing rapists do! Complaining about government organisations when buildings collapse don’t help- -stop paying off people and making substandard buildings! Punish the guilty and punish them quick. Don’t let’s live in a country where you can do wrong…and live a lifetime of sin with your lawyer just taking ‘dates’ for you every time. Let’s stop being afraid of punishment and its consequence. Let’s start being afraid of what will happen if we don’t punish- let’s look at that consequence instead.
Today you weren’t raped…you don’t live in ‘that’ neighborhood, wear ‘provocative clothes’ like jeans and you don’t step out of your house after 2 p.m….but that doesn’t ensure your safety any more because rapists are not afraid of the last- they can rape and then claim they are juveniles or pay off someone and leave the city… Ravage your life, destroy you and then just move and rape someone else. But don’t think about that… because it didn’t happen to you.
Your building hasn’t collapsed as yet…so why worry…it’s not like your life will be destroyed if it did collapse… or your home that you’ve paid so much for might be worth rubble…it didn’t happen to you!
And about the cyclone- well…you tweeted… what else can you do? Oh yes, you hash-tagged it as well!
Let’s read about it in the newspapers.
Let’s gossip about it in coffee shops…
But let’s do NOTHING!
After all it didn’t happen to me. Right?
So you’ve met someone and the ‘honeymoon phase’ of the relationship is now kinda over. You disagree. You argue. He has an opinion (shocker) often different to yours (double shocker!). She stops dressing up. He’s not shaving that often. She’s stopped the heels… He’s stopped opening doors…And suddenly it seems like this isn’t going to work out any more…! I mean he/she seemed perfect till they stopped pretending and became who they are!
So how do you make it work?
How can it keep being fun/ fun-ish…?
How do you not become…(dreaded word here!) b-o-r-i-n-g!?
So as a self confessed commitment-phobe… yes I really HATED RELATIONSHIPS and most of my long ‘relationships’ lasted 3 days,4 days and one… an awful week…(I didn’t see him for 3 out of those days, so that helped!), these are my tips and tricks to keep your relationship in the ‘dating phase’ for a whole lot longer!
- Do a lunch date once a week… Escape from the humdrum of work/ normal life and just meet up for an hour… Once near your place of work/home and once near his… This makes the week less mundane and gives you a welcome break to spend with your partner. Have a quick meal and linger over coffee and dessert and just chat…! Take turn making the plans so it gives you something to look forward to! You’ll have a better afternoon at work after that for sure too!
- Dress up for dinner and go out once a week… Dress up! This is important because you can’t take your partner for granted. Don’t just dress up for the parties and the social do’s – make an effort and dress up for your partner – heels, straightened hair et all…girls and men- shave, suit up and take your lady out! Enjoy the dinner. Talk. Ask questions. Make travel plans. Laugh.
- Hold hands….seemingly easy…actually very hard. Hold hands when you are together. Hold hands when you fall asleep. Re-establish intimacy. HOLD HANDS.
- Share a hobby or a sport…OUTSIDE HOME! Go for a run! Go join a language class… Go gym together- Get out. Get out TOGETHER!
- Fight and finish your fights. Don’t change who you are or what you believe in. Fight for who you are. Fight about the death penalty, Lance Armstrong… whatever…. argue and then listen to each other. You fell in love with someone not because they were a clone of you…You fell in love with their differences…So listen to them.
- Ask about each other’s day- once in the morning where you hear all the plans. Then make a quick phone call at lunch to check on your better half and then at the end of the day ask how the day went and share. Sharing makes the other person realise that you value their opinion and also they get to hear how much you do. Talk and share!
- Make a few big dates… for me it’s out First Date Anniversary, Valentines Day, Wedding Anniversary, My birthday and his… and make those days super special… Take time to plan them together and make a day of it! Spa days, dinners, flowers…make the day special!
- Surprise each other- flowers, favourite foods, a CD… gift a gift – a no occasion ‘just because I love you’ gift. You used to do that when you dated…so don’t stop!
- Travel together…but most importantly PLAN THE TRAVEL together…! That’s all the excitement and so much happiness… so PLAN TOGETHER!
- Watch TV together and go to the movies… you may not like all his choices and he may not love all your rom-coms but watching something together , holding hands and just being… that relaxes the stress of a relationship and allows you to have opinions as a couple on silly tv shows and forgettable movies!
These are just 10 tips… there are so many more… But all I’m saying if you’ve found the right one… Don’t give up on him/ her because you think the ‘romance is over’ just change your definition of romance… The honeymoon may end but the love starts then…. And that period can be way better than the honeymoon ever was!
Have a romantic week ahead!
Today’s world is a marketing world! The best education, the finest degrees are no match for the smooth, smart talker who knows how to market himself and his business idea! It’s all about suave, smart marketing , networking and great smiles! It’s not even about selling a product or an idea… it’s about selling yourself- believing in yourself so much that others buy into the dream too!
This year is my company’s tenth year running… we started in 2002 october and we’re celebrating our tenth year this year with great aplomb and excitement. 10 new shows, several new actors, a team of Balancing Act Productions’ favourites and loooots of work! And the marketing has begun and I’m actually loving it… When I started marketing 10 years ago…I was selling a show, a concept , an idea …and hoping to God people bought into me…because I was young, unsure and terribly scared. Now 10 years later…I think I’ve got it…I believe in me and my idea and it’s become easier asking people to believe because I BELIEVE! It’s difficult selling yourself when you’re not sure whether you are worth it… but the minute you start BETTING ON YOURSELF…that’s when it’s not such a hard sell… you realise YOU ARE WORTH IT and all you need to do is BE YOURSELF and let someone else see yourself the way you see yourself! Instead of trying to create rose tinted glasses for those you are marketing yourself to, all you need to do is try and make them see the concept or the idea through your eyes!
I’m not saying every meeting will be amazing….but I’m saying a little self respect and a little belief in yourself goes a long way….! It makes the meetings more fun and makes your faith in yourself stronger.
10 years down…I’ve learnt how to believe….in me!
To start over…something must end. To say hello… sometimes we have to say goodbye.To laugh again…sometimes we need to have cried!
It’s so hard when things are over when we just keep holding on! I realised this when I produced my first set of shows and the run was complete and as everyone was about to go on stage , I was bawling in the bathroom not willing to let go. Since then ,it’s been 10 years and it’s still hard; but the public display of tears has significantly reduced and I’m learning to let go of incredible shows, amazing experiences and new found family to make way for even more incredible moments!
A lot of my girl friends are the same with relationships. Trapped with bad boyfriends, terrible husbands, abusive relationships- they aren’t even having a great time- but they’re scared of letting go- what if there’s nothing amazing in store for them next? What if this is as good as it gets? A friend of mine stayed with his cheating boy friend just because she was too afraid to actually go out and find someone again. “It’s too hard,” she told me ..”to start over!”
But even if we’re unwilling to change, scared to let go and holding on with all we’ve got- Life is way faster, smarter and trickier than all of us! Sometimes despite all our ‘clingy’ efforts , we’re going to have to change, have to let go, have to start over! And maybe the new is scary but may be it’s what we needed all along.
A perfect planner, I hated to lose control till I got sick and then paralysed and then suddenly had to allow nurses, doctors and family control of my choices, my life, my body! Suddenly in a moment, all that I was clinging to- my ridiculous plans, my naive thoughts on my career progress and my life ambitions had to be re-thought, re assessed and restarted overnight! And when you stop fearing the future and embrace the change then suddenly Life is an adventure and you can be part of an incredible journey. Had I resisted change, Balancing Act Productions (my company) would not be in it’s tenth year , I would not be married to my soulmate and best friend, and I’d never have walked again.
Sometimes Change makes all the right choices you were just too scared to make! Sometimes Change gets it right!
And it’s that time of year again where you hang up the keds and say – “Well this is it! I did it!” You accept that a year has gone by and you’re not much wiser, but funnily enough a heck of lot older. You’re not much richer but still have lots of unpaid bills ! But you did it! You made it through an entire year with cuts and scrapes, a few mistakes, a broken bone or two and maybe a bruised ego which hurts more than the bones but YOU MADE IT!
We wake up. We work hard. We give our hearts away. We love. We sweat. We grumble but do it. We aren’t even asked but get things done. We go through every day , most without thanks, pause or even the smallest break. And then we sleep and start all over again! We are amazing!
Maybe we made some of our targets. Maybe we didn’t. Maybe along the way the targets were changed and we had to start all over again. But we tried! And that is amazing!
And the next year will bring us more hopes and dreams; more unfulfilled wants, harder to reach targets and we’ll keep trying! That too is amazing!
So on this Diwali instead of killing yourself over the thing you didn’t achieve and setting more ridiculous targets for next year- take a breath and relax! You’ve done it! Life is hard and YOU make life easier for someone , somewhere and that’s all that matters! Spend your Diwali with family and friends and if you have neither go out and make some…because in the end the only target that counts is making a difference to someone else’s life… ! So eat that uber sweet sweet and light those diyas and celebrate. You’re alive. You’re amazing. And YOU make a difference!
So it’s already the fourth month of the year and well nothing’s different from last year…same crap, different day and you feel like life’s just being sucked away- GET UP! GET OUT! MAKE A CHANGE!
Life is not what happens to you….it’s what YOU do to make it HAPPEN!
Discover a new restaurant…like I did this weekend! Cafe Zoe at Mathuradas Mills Compound…! Sure its 2months old (61 days is what I was told) and I should’ve discovered it earlier… but I did it now and that’s what counts! Love love love!
Write a new post or play or film or diary entry! Or a new blog like I did Luxury Travel with Divya
Learn how to cook…even if it’s just one dish!
And sing like an idol…even if it’s only in the safety of your bathroom or only when your poor pet dog is listening!
Make a meeting for work and be as passionate as you possibly can…With passion you can actually feel life again!
Take a chance. Make a friend or reconnect with someone you didn’t think you’d be able to reconnect with!
And stop moping about life cos one life is all we have now and it’s up to us to make it WORK FOR US!