The Relationship Saga

And in a world more connected than ever, most people find themselves more disconnected than they have ever been. We can connect on WhatsApp, Social media, the phone- all the time and yet in this fast paced world though we’re always seeming to be connected we’re often more alone than we have ever been.

This was the discussion a girl friend of mine and I had for more than a few hours this week. And it wasn’t even the first time I had heard this complaint. It was far too often, from far too many people for this to be a coincidence.

Connection requires work. Connection requires commitment and Connection requires both parties to keep at it!

And when I felt the same way a few years ago.. I set out to make a Commitment Cheat Sheet… to help me keep and nurture relationships that meant something to me…

So here’s a peak-:

  1. Make a list of just the closest friends (CFs) you’d like to have in you life and make sure you call or meet them once every 2 weeks at least.
  2. Do Date night. Even if you’ve been with your husband for tons of years…date him, reconnect. The only thing constant is change- so both of you will keep changing. Get to know the new him.
  3. Be social. Get out at least once a week with one set of your CFs so you can do a face to face reconnect.
  4. Laugh more. Play games rather than watch TV. Connect, talk and have fun with your friends. TV is a wonderful medium for stories but real stories happen only when you actually participate in them. Be a part of your own life story not a spectator.
  5. Put a schedule together which forces you to challenge yourself to connect. Make it a routine, till it becomes a habit.
  6. Find common hobbies/ activities. I hate the morning walk… or actually hate getting up at 5 am… but the plus is I get a leisurely coffee chat with the uncrabby husband (he’s a morning sparrow, I am not) and a walk where we find tons of puppies and lots to chat about.
  7. Be present. Your CFs have something major happening in their life/ they aren’t well- check up, be present- care.
  8. Don’t look at your phone during dinners/ events. Respect the person/people you are with.
  9. Give yourself a break. All relationships change. Some change so much they become unrecognisable. Try as hard as you can, but remember sometime you need to let go. Reward yourself when you try. Don’t berate yourself.

Relationships are hard and connections even harder. In a world of a few billion- you just need a handful of connections but even those take work. Remember, it may look easy from watching a good relationship but both people work very hard with many off days to make that work. Instagram and Facebook stories are just that- stories. They are not reality.

P.s. (Palat says)-: At the end of the day, all the fame and money make for comfortable beds and homes but homes are only homes when you can fill them with people you love.

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Gotta keep moving, Gotta keep dreaming & FLEXI WORK HOURS !

Gotta keep moving…

Gotta keep dreaming.

As the sun scorches us all (and it’s only the first week of May) and 1/2 the year’s gone by quicker than a blink of the eye…it’s easy for the mid year depression to set in! We haven’t reached all the targets that seemed so easy in January and we’re exhausted. The days are longer, but patience shorter. The day’s are sunnier; but people’s attitudes are gloomier. The days are hot and so is everybody’s temperament! The newspapers are the bearers of doom and it’s easy to get sucked in to the mid year slump!

But instead of morning the loss of the last 5 months; let’s make the next seven …amazing! So here’s my technique to

“Get up and Make the Most of the Day (esp the Monday!)

  1. Start the day with some exercise…get an early head start and get some much needed endorphins!
  2. Treat yourself…a cold glass of juice, a smoothie, cold coffee, mango… start the day with something you love!
  3. Get to work and instead of tackling everything head on…. get your bearings… sit…relax… and then LIST OUT WHAT MUST BE DONE.
  4. 90 minutes in to starting your day, take a 10 minute break to drink some coffee, read an article, browse the net… just STOP!
  5. Eat lunch on time. Everything may not be completed by lunch but other people need lunch too- so take a lunch break!!!
  6. After you’ve taken your hour off you should be ready to take the afternoon by storm… Work thru the afternoon systematically stopping only once at about 3:30 for coffee/ tea and biscuits – again a 10 minute break.
  7. End your day on time. If you have a 9-5 job ; end it on time esp on a Monday else the Monday exhaustion taints the entire week ahead! Choose your ‘must work late’ days…and try and avoid 2 days one after the other because that will affect your work on Day 3.
  8. Get home and unwind. Do what makes you happy. Eat early and then spend the evening relaxing, pursuing a hobby or just hanging out with friends! You did a good day. Yay!

Flexi work hours… for me that;s the newest, coolest trend. Work when you have to and finish your job…it’s not about a 9 to 5 anymore it’s an 11-7 or a 9-4 or even a 10am- 1 pm… Companies are starting to realise -it’s not about the time you spend in the office ; it’s about your productivity and if you are more productive at home or in a shorter period of time or in spurts …well then GOOD FOR YOU!

This I think is incredible…I’ve wandered into so many offices , advertising firms, banks, magazine offices where everyone is either gossiping or on facebook….Sure they’ve logged in hours… but are they really being productive? It’s like when you had to attend a lecture in college and you dozed off…. except that’s what they do for the entire work day. Sure there are the one or two Worker bees who are doing all the work and everyone’s work… but they then get exhausted and their productivity can’t be at a high for 12,15 ,19 hours!

Many companies now make the employees set targets on a monday…a big target that must be achieved by week end and smaller targets which must be achieved daily. How you do it is up to you? If you can do it in 5 hours and go home… well then that’s wonderful…If it takes you till 9 pm at night (because of all the Facebook surfing) well then that’s your prerogative too! The targets are approved by the person they report too so it’s not too easy (you can’t just make one call and go home) and they are actual targets. And then you reconvene on Friday to take stock of all that is achieved.

Flexi work hours can be the best things to happen to a company. And it makes you take responsibility and ownership for your work.It kind of makes you , your own boss and trust me…your the toughest boss you’ll ever get !

And now on to making this week amazing…! See you next week

P.s.-: We had a show last week at the NCPA….With the heat playing havoc with my Multiple Sclerosis and me having small but difficult attacks… it was a tough show to run with 30 odd people on stage BUT they were AMAZING and I WAS SO PROUD!

To My Imps… you teach me

I’ve gotta keep moving,

Gotta keep dreaming …. every day!

Seeing you on stage , made yet another dream come true!

 

Relationship 201- What to do when the honeymoon period is over?

So you’ve met someone and the ‘honeymoon phase’ of the relationship is now kinda over. You disagree. You argue. He has an opinion (shocker) often different to yours (double shocker!). She stops dressing up. He’s not shaving that often. She’s stopped the heels… He’s stopped opening doors…And suddenly it seems like this isn’t going to work out any more…! I mean he/she seemed perfect till they stopped pretending and became who they are!

So how do you make it work?

How can it keep being fun/ fun-ish…?

How do you not become…(dreaded word here!) b-o-r-i-n-g!?

So as a self confessed commitment-phobe… yes I really HATED RELATIONSHIPS and most of my long ‘relationships’ lasted 3 days,4 days and one… an awful week…(I didn’t see him for 3 out of those days, so that helped!), these are my tips and tricks to keep your relationship in the ‘dating phase’ for a whole lot longer!

  1. Do a lunch date once a¬†week… Escape from the humdrum of work/ normal life and just meet up for an hour… Once near your place of work/home and once near his… This makes the week less mundane and gives you a welcome break to spend with your partner. Have a quick meal and linger over coffee and dessert and just chat…! Take turn making the plans so it gives you something to look forward to! You’ll have a better afternoon at work after that for sure too!
  2. Dress up for dinner and go out once a week… Dress up! This is important because you can’t take your partner for granted. Don’t just dress up for the parties and the social do’s – make an effort and dress up for your partner – heels, straightened hair et all…girls and men- shave, suit up and take your lady out! Enjoy the dinner. Talk. Ask questions. Make travel plans. Laugh.
  3. Hold hands….seemingly easy…actually very hard. Hold hands when you are together. Hold hands when you fall asleep. Re-establish intimacy. HOLD HANDS.
  4. Share a hobby or a sport…OUTSIDE HOME! Go for a run! Go join a language class… Go gym together- Get out. Get out TOGETHER!
  5. Fight and finish your fights. Don’t change who you are or what you believe in. Fight for who you are. Fight about the death penalty, Lance Armstrong… whatever…. argue and then listen to each other. You fell in love with someone not because they were a clone of you…You fell in love with their differences…So listen to them.
  6. Ask about each other’s day- once in the morning where you hear all the plans. Then make a quick phone call at lunch to check on your better half and then at the end of the day ask how the day went and share. Sharing makes the other person realise that you value their opinion and also they get to hear how much you do. Talk and share!
  7. Make a few big dates… for me it’s out First Date Anniversary, Valentines Day, Wedding Anniversary, My birthday and his… and make those days super special… Take time to plan them together and make a day of it! Spa days, dinners, flowers…make the day special!
  8. Surprise each other- flowers, favourite foods, a CD… gift a gift – a no occasion ‘just because I love you’ gift. You used to do that when you dated…so don’t stop!
  9. Travel together…but most importantly PLAN THE TRAVEL together…! That’s all the excitement and so much happiness… so PLAN TOGETHER!
  10. Watch TV together and go to the movies… you may not like all his choices and he may not love all your rom-coms but watching something together , holding hands and just being… that relaxes the stress of a relationship and allows you to have opinions as a couple on silly tv shows and forgettable movies!

These are just 10 tips… there are so many more… But all I’m saying if you’ve found the right one… Don’t give up on him/ her because you think the ‘romance is over’ just change your definition of romance… The honeymoon may end but the love starts then…. And that period can be way better than the honeymoon ever was!

Have a romantic week ahead!