The Relationship Saga

And in a world more connected than ever, most people find themselves more disconnected than they have ever been. We can connect on WhatsApp, Social media, the phone- all the time and yet in this fast paced world though we’re always seeming to be connected we’re often more alone than we have ever been.

This was the discussion a girl friend of mine and I had for more than a few hours this week. And it wasn’t even the first time I had heard this complaint. It was far too often, from far too many people for this to be a coincidence.

Connection requires work. Connection requires commitment and Connection requires both parties to keep at it!

And when I felt the same way a few years ago.. I set out to make a Commitment Cheat Sheet… to help me keep and nurture relationships that meant something to me…

So here’s a peak-:

  1. Make a list of just the closest friends (CFs) you’d like to have in you life and make sure you call or meet them once every 2 weeks at least.
  2. Do Date night. Even if you’ve been with your husband for tons of years…date him, reconnect. The only thing constant is change- so both of you will keep changing. Get to know the new him.
  3. Be social. Get out at least once a week with one set of your CFs so you can do a face to face reconnect.
  4. Laugh more. Play games rather than watch TV. Connect, talk and have fun with your friends. TV is a wonderful medium for stories but real stories happen only when you actually participate in them. Be a part of your own life story not a spectator.
  5. Put a schedule together which forces you to challenge yourself to connect. Make it a routine, till it becomes a habit.
  6. Find common hobbies/ activities. I hate the morning walk… or actually hate getting up at 5 am… but the plus is I get a leisurely coffee chat with the uncrabby husband (he’s a morning sparrow, I am not) and a walk where we find tons of puppies and lots to chat about.
  7. Be present. Your CFs have something major happening in their life/ they aren’t well- check up, be present- care.
  8. Don’t look at your phone during dinners/ events. Respect the person/people you are with.
  9. Give yourself a break. All relationships change. Some change so much they become unrecognisable. Try as hard as you can, but remember sometime you need to let go. Reward yourself when you try. Don’t berate yourself.

Relationships are hard and connections even harder. In a world of a few billion- you just need a handful of connections but even those take work. Remember, it may look easy from watching a good relationship but both people work very hard with many off days to make that work. Instagram and Facebook stories are just that- stories. They are not reality.

P.s. (Palat says)-: At the end of the day, all the fame and money make for comfortable beds and homes but homes are only homes when you can fill them with people you love.

Advertisements

Raping me.

I am your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend. I am your conscience, your feelings, your creativity, your inner most thoughts. I am your blood, your hair, your eyes, your soul. I am all that you have and all that you need. I am you.

You exist because of me. You live because I give you life. You dream because I dream with you. When you are lost , I help you find your way. You need me. You need my love. You need my care. You need me.

And then I am raped and beaten and left to die. Left on a street – naked and uncovered, I am left to choke on my own blood and tears and you pass me by. You are stronger than me but don’t bother to pick me up. You are louder than me , but don’t bother to shout. You can run faster than me but don’t run to get help. Instead you walk over me like you would a speed bump, avoid me like you would garbage and pretend not to notice me like I’m invisible.

And this happens every day, every where, all the time and we get so used to it… we stop wondering if the headlines are ever going to change. We wander around like deer in a city full of predators, except than unlike in the jungle where the predator will just kill you for food- his necessity for life… here the predators- Man will rape you, humiliate and demean you and then leave you for dead. This is not a need. He doesn’t need to rape you to survive. He just does it for sport!

Rape is not a sport. It shouldn’t be a video game. It shouldn’t be. And yet it is.

And when we protest, once again you beat us. we stand unarmed- begging for justice for one of our own and you lathi charge us and wear us down with water canons.

Are we that dangerous? Did our words hurt, humiliate or demean you? Did it, God forbid, rape you?!

No. That was us. We were raped. And then we were not allowed to complain.

To all my women friends… the men don’t care. They are not going to change or help in any way.Let’s look after ourselves and be safe. Let’s move in groups and be unafraid to yell, scream and run if we have the slightest feeling of danger…Pepper spray, karate, self defense- let’s stop looking at men to protect us. Let’s protect ourselves.

Men if you think you can protect us. Start. Start by castrating those bastards!

 

One life to live (from my new Times of India Celebrity Blog!)

This Blog is courtesy my new Times of India Celebrity Blog! So do check it out!

 

 

There is usually one major reason to die but there are several reasons to live.

This week’s news was filled with suicides and self inflicted deaths. “ I watched for ten hours as he died via Skype!” screamed a headline! Harassment caused another individual to kill himself! And we haven’t even reached exam results time yet…that will be a whole different story! Some people killing themselves when they don’t get the result they expected and yet another entire set of people killing themselves in FEAR of a result!

Life is not a video game. You can’t press re-start and expect to just start over! Our may be a generation that believes in instant success, instant fame and instant money but we are also a generation that needs to understand that unlike 2 minute noodles, life doesn’t always dish out what we expected or even what’s fair!

From personal experiences, I have to say, I was 25 years old, acting in films, doing advertisements and 10 shows or even more a month; and pretty much at the top of my game when I got Acute Disseminated Encyphomyelitis ( a single attack of Multiple Sclerosis) which left me unable to speak, swallow, see and hear from one side and left side paralysed completely. This happened overnight. Life is not always fair! To try and roll over and play dead or actually will myself to die might have been an easier choice but not the right one. Choosing to die doesn’t just destroy your life, it destroys all the lives of those around you and that was something I couldn’t even think of!

When a person dies a natural death , it is terribly painful but something a family knew was inevitable. A natural death is a life passing. A suicide is a life murdered. And it leaves only destruction in its wake. a family grieving, questions unanswered and so much pain- it’s not fair.

Sure the heat is driving us angry, insane and frustrated and sure life doesn’t seem fair right now! But guess what, someone somewhere loves you- you may know them or you may not even have met them yet- but there is someone out there who will make your life worth it and as bad as your life seems now- it will only get better.

I chose life. So should you.

And so when everything’s getting you down- get up, get out and make yourself smile!

Anything from a cold glass of nimbu pani to a movie marathon with a friend! Summer’s here and with it the promise of vacations to exotic lands, sleeping in , sun, surf and beach! So this week was also about planning the perfect summer! Yup- I love my lists and plans …!

And with a weekend that started fashionably with draping of scarves and launching of luxury boats – it looks like summer’s here to put a smile on everyones’ faces and give some a much appreciated break!

So let’s raise a cold glass of cola, cheer for the IPL and plan exotic trips half way across the world!

P.s. (Palat says)-: We have one life to live so let’s LIVE IT!

 

…cos it’s all in my head! ( aka what women want!)

that’s the difference often between happiness and the IDEAL of happiness….my husband taught me very early in life ( by default of course) that men have absolutely NO IDEA what you want, what you’re thinking or why you are in that obnoxious mood….you want to him to learn, you want him to know- TELL HIM!!!

Men are less complicated than we give them credit for and actually pretty straight forward. yes, sure some of them still have the wait 3 days before calling rule or the ‘pretending’ that their cool with you not being committed to them is kind of their only games and since we girls know the rules; these games are not the fairest of games!

So what do women want– men just ask them and women stop playing the ‘if you knew me, you would know…’ game and just blurt it out! stop imagining that one day he’s going to get it all ‘just right’, because he doesn’t know what ‘just right’ is unless you tell him at least once!!! And yup, just tell them. no games. i want commitment. i want coffee. i want to go to see a rom- com! i like birthdays!!! tell them what you want…its a heck of a lot easier and you’ll be a heck of a lot happier…because in time your man will keep it in mind and get everything ‘JUST RIGHT!’ …just the way you had it up in your head!!!

on the flip side maybe you’re both wanting different things..isn’t it easier you know now than 5 years down the line!!! so talk, shout, COMMUNICATE!

it’s not their fault for screwing it up…if you don’t tell them what they screwed up in the first place…right!