The Relationship Saga

And in a world more connected than ever, most people find themselves more disconnected than they have ever been. We can connect on WhatsApp, Social media, the phone- all the time and yet in this fast paced world though we’re always seeming to be connected we’re often more alone than we have ever been.

This was the discussion a girl friend of mine and I had for more than a few hours this week. And it wasn’t even the first time I had heard this complaint. It was far too often, from far too many people for this to be a coincidence.

Connection requires work. Connection requires commitment and Connection requires both parties to keep at it!

And when I felt the same way a few years ago.. I set out to make a Commitment Cheat Sheet… to help me keep and nurture relationships that meant something to me…

So here’s a peak-:

  1. Make a list of just the closest friends (CFs) you’d like to have in you life and make sure you call or meet them once every 2 weeks at least.
  2. Do Date night. Even if you’ve been with your husband for tons of years…date him, reconnect. The only thing constant is change- so both of you will keep changing. Get to know the new him.
  3. Be social. Get out at least once a week with one set of your CFs so you can do a face to face reconnect.
  4. Laugh more. Play games rather than watch TV. Connect, talk and have fun with your friends. TV is a wonderful medium for stories but real stories happen only when you actually participate in them. Be a part of your own life story not a spectator.
  5. Put a schedule together which forces you to challenge yourself to connect. Make it a routine, till it becomes a habit.
  6. Find common hobbies/ activities. I hate the morning walk… or actually hate getting up at 5 am… but the plus is I get a leisurely coffee chat with the uncrabby husband (he’s a morning sparrow, I am not) and a walk where we find tons of puppies and lots to chat about.
  7. Be present. Your CFs have something major happening in their life/ they aren’t well- check up, be present- care.
  8. Don’t look at your phone during dinners/ events. Respect the person/people you are with.
  9. Give yourself a break. All relationships change. Some change so much they become unrecognisable. Try as hard as you can, but remember sometime you need to let go. Reward yourself when you try. Don’t berate yourself.

Relationships are hard and connections even harder. In a world of a few billion- you just need a handful of connections but even those take work. Remember, it may look easy from watching a good relationship but both people work very hard with many off days to make that work. Instagram and Facebook stories are just that- stories. They are not reality.

P.s. (Palat says)-: At the end of the day, all the fame and money make for comfortable beds and homes but homes are only homes when you can fill them with people you love.

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Warning- Personal Baggage!

We all have it. We all keep adding to it. And we don’t spring clean it every Diwali or in the new year- Personal Baggage is here to stay and we are not only a sum of our experiences; we are also a sum of all our personal baggage!

Last week I found myself missing a friend. We had grown up together, made mistakes together, got in to trouble together. She’d seen me at my best and at my stupidest and I just found myself missing her. As we grow older, though the baggage on our backs increase- our insecurities increase , our work pressures, aspirations and our ambitions sore- we seem to be less forgiving of other people’s personal baggage.

‘They’re so cheap,’ we complain not understanding that they have just got out of debt or may still be in debt. ‘ They’re so unambitious,’ we state; not realising that they’ve just suffered major setbacks or are not confident enough to branch out on their own.

Our judgements come quickly and we don’t look at our baggage- but we readily judge theirs!

Look at your old friends and your close friends. In most cases, we don’t judge their baggage and they don’t judge ours. They help out when we’re scared. They cover our insecurities and they make the world a better place because when we are down , they know just which buttons to push to make it all perfect again.

So to make any new , lasting relationships or friendships- maybe before judging how much and how heavy everyone else’s baggage is- maybe we can lend a hand, lighten their load without judgement or complaint. Maybe they’ll help out with ours as well! 🙂