The Relationship Saga

And in a world more connected than ever, most people find themselves more disconnected than they have ever been. We can connect on WhatsApp, Social media, the phone- all the time and yet in this fast paced world though we’re always seeming to be connected we’re often more alone than we have ever been.

This was the discussion a girl friend of mine and I had for more than a few hours this week. And it wasn’t even the first time I had heard this complaint. It was far too often, from far too many people for this to be a coincidence.

Connection requires work. Connection requires commitment and Connection requires both parties to keep at it!

And when I felt the same way a few years ago.. I set out to make a Commitment Cheat Sheet… to help me keep and nurture relationships that meant something to me…

So here’s a peak-:

  1. Make a list of just the closest friends (CFs) you’d like to have in you life and make sure you call or meet them once every 2 weeks at least.
  2. Do Date night. Even if you’ve been with your husband for tons of years…date him, reconnect. The only thing constant is change- so both of you will keep changing. Get to know the new him.
  3. Be social. Get out at least once a week with one set of your CFs so you can do a face to face reconnect.
  4. Laugh more. Play games rather than watch TV. Connect, talk and have fun with your friends. TV is a wonderful medium for stories but real stories happen only when you actually participate in them. Be a part of your own life story not a spectator.
  5. Put a schedule together which forces you to challenge yourself to connect. Make it a routine, till it becomes a habit.
  6. Find common hobbies/ activities. I hate the morning walk… or actually hate getting up at 5 am… but the plus is I get a leisurely coffee chat with the uncrabby husband (he’s a morning sparrow, I am not) and a walk where we find tons of puppies and lots to chat about.
  7. Be present. Your CFs have something major happening in their life/ they aren’t well- check up, be present- care.
  8. Don’t look at your phone during dinners/ events. Respect the person/people you are with.
  9. Give yourself a break. All relationships change. Some change so much they become unrecognisable. Try as hard as you can, but remember sometime you need to let go. Reward yourself when you try. Don’t berate yourself.

Relationships are hard and connections even harder. In a world of a few billion- you just need a handful of connections but even those take work. Remember, it may look easy from watching a good relationship but both people work very hard with many off days to make that work. Instagram and Facebook stories are just that- stories. They are not reality.

P.s. (Palat says)-: At the end of the day, all the fame and money make for comfortable beds and homes but homes are only homes when you can fill them with people you love.

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Love is hard-Tips and tricks to keep love alive!

 

The fairytale  romances you grew up listening to is not real love.

The romantic comedies almost never happen in real life.

Movies and books make love look easy. In reality they spoil us- they make us think that when you meet Mr. or Ms. Right, life just finds a way of working out with perfect background music and violins strumming and white birds flying magically past! In reality the moment you do find that person is usually fraught with drama, wrong decisions and tons of silliness and once you finish the drama and make up your mind- then real life takes over.

Responsibilities, your career, your home, your job, your life all suddenly also take their moment in the spotlight and before you know it the honeymoon is over and it’s wet towels and nagging that become your day.

But before you lose the romance, maybe make some time to be young again. Take the time to remember what you loved about your partner and more importantly what your partner loved about you. So though you may not be able to stay up or party till 2 am anymore maybe you can still do Date night and lunch rendezvous. Maybe you can still dress up for a night just with your partner or bring her breakfast in bed every so often. Maybe you can buy her flowers or buy him that book he’s been dying to read. Maybe you can shop together, coffee together or cook together. You can’t bring back the first blush of romance but  maybe you can make sure you never let the flame douse in dishwater and soggy towels and die.

My tips and tricks for a die hard romantic (like myself!!! Yup some of us never learn!)

  1. Do a date night! Just the 2 of you- no friends needed! AND DRESS UP! When you dated you waxed your legs and he combed his hair and dressed up. Make sure you look sensational- just for your date!
  2. Sneak out for a lunch rendezvous in between the week. Lunch break is an hour….spend it with your partner. Escape the monotony of work and enjoy a mid week lunch together. It makes work fun and the week less gloomy!
  3. Exercise together. Run, gym, walk the dogs…enjoy a morning of good exercise, great adrenalin and some happy endorphins!
  4. Take at least one holiday together. Plan it together, pack together and just learn to put aside work and stress and just enjoy each others company!
  5. Give him / her one surprise every week. They’ll be expecting a surprise …and be excited and you’ll be thinking of how to surprise them This can be as simple as flowers or breakfast in bed but it’s fun and it keeps a great energy thru the week!
  6. Say  ‘I Love You.’ I know you probably know it and I know your partner knows it too…but say it…It just makes him/her know you’re thinking of them!
  7. CALL. Even on work days- talk at least twice through the day just to check up- just to say you care!

These are just 7 off the top of my head..there are plenty more…

Drop me a line or add your own tip. I’d love to hear from you.

Also on the left side of your screen is a SUBSCRIBE BUTTON! Do SUBSCRIBE! I’d love to hear, talk and learn about love, life and all the drama it brings from you!

ps-: i love you ADITYA!

i still remember this day 5 years ago. i was crying incessantly after a sleepless night and the makeup just wouldn’t stick with the tears. ravi, the makeup dada kept trying to pacify me saying ” he’s a good guy…don’t worry!” and yet the tears kept flowing…

i have no idea why i kept weeping but the idea in indian society of the girl leaving her home is so prevalent and my love for soapy hindi love stories so incredible; that it just seemed the right thing to do and the only way weddings were started! my eyes didn’t dry till much later that evening where after 2 weddings and lots of kibbe from souk at the taj i collapsed in an exhausted heap in to bed!

i didn’t want to be married. i was still commitment phobic and it still took me almost 8-9 months to introduce you as my husband….i just said …and “that’s my…..–aditya”- when being asked to introduce you!

cut to 5 years earlier where you first asked me to date you…my only question was if that would be exclusive? if it were to be exclusive , i would have to only go out with you…would that really even work???

i was a commitment-phobe and you were my best friend. i had loads of boys after me…but very few who were as important to me as you were…did i really want to risk that?? i was bad at relationships but a really good friend…i was scared!

cut to 5 years prior to that. i had never laid eyes on you but heard about you as mr. sydenham and a hottie. you were competition in a theatre festival during malhar. you walked up to me in the middle of the quad and said ” hi,i’m aditya. and you have beautiful eyes!”

i remember glowering at you for trying to get my defences down. i remember scurrying away shielding myself from random women glaring angrily at me wanting to scream out- ” i don’t know him…he’s competition… p.s.- i may even hate him!”

it’s been 15 years and you’ve stuck it out with me through my madness ( which there is a lot), my commitment phobia (which doesn’t seem to bother you) and my bluntness (which i seem to be proud of cos i never seem to change)—and these are my positive qualities!

so today on our 5th anniversary i must say…i didn’t wake up crying. i’m very much exclusive and  i’m proud that you are my husband. we’ve been through many downs together and we’ve made highs of some awful lows. i never thought it’s be wise to date my best friend , forget marry him… but you seemed to know what we were doing and i’m glad i trusted one person ( YOU!) with my life!

you make me a better person…you make me smile more…you make me laugh more… you made me learn how to love!

and i…..

well i…keep your life interesting 😉

here’s to the next 100!

and ps-: i love you!

marriage–my views!

so been getting lots of posts and tweets regarding my views on marriage….some feel that i think (after the amount of advice i give;-) ) that it’s too tough…others ask if i’m anti-marriage or for love and still others ask if i love the concept of love too much and therefore love the concept rather than the actual thing!!!

so i’ve decided to put speculation to rest…for myself and for the rest! i was and have always been commitment phobic…anyone who knows me knows the only thing i was more scared of than marriage was children  (any child) and birds (well ….that’s another story entirely!)…but when i got sick and paralyzed i was scared that i may never experience the comfortability of holding hands, of coming home to someone , of  just being able to be with someone and so when my ‘knight in office-wear’ (aditya) proposed i accepted as  i thought it was important to go thru as many life experiences as i could before (God- forbid) i got back in hospital again…

since then i approached marriage as a journey, a life lesson and an experience and i believe i have lived through it…

marriage is about making mistakes and finding someone to forgive you. it’s about going the wrong way knowing your lost and still going along because it’s ok if the 2 of you are lost together. it’s about fights and tears and laughing over spilt milk…. it’s about learning together. it’s about growing together and give and take…it’s about knowing that every day won’t be perfect…but it’s pretty awesome finding someone who’ll smile for you when you get home…it’s about having dreams and having a partner in crime fueling your madness and even when you come crashing down to the hard, cold ground…it’s about your partner pushing you back up and re-convincing you to be mad all over again!

days won’t be perfect when your married…but then perfection is sometimes over-rated…you are going to have to learn to share when you’re married; but then again, you share the tough times and the tears as well!

in an instant world – don’t look for an instant match… wait for him/ her. search for true love. when you find true love…don’t expect it to be perfect…remember he/she needs only to be perfect for YOU!

i love valentines day!!!…and what i did….

happy valentines day y’all!!!!

i love love…well when people ask me why i go overboard loving a day that’s not even an ‘official’ holiday or birthday or something….i gotta just say…well in a world where people love war and love hate and love pain and love so many ugly, ugly things…i think it’s a pretty good deal to love love and to love valentines day!

i think it’s important to actually take some time out to celebrate mush and rom- coms and love stories…it’s important to date someone even if you’ve been with them forever…to dress up, smile and be wooed again…it’s important to bring back the twinkle in your eye and to have your heart skip a beat! it’s important!

to those who say they celebrate love every day / every week….then stop using that as an excuse and still send the flowers over, make a reservation …take ur lady out and make her feel like a girl again…giddy in love and happy!

so what did i do?

well yesterday we had our play…love bytes…a packed auditorium…a 150 seater packed with over 600 people!!! incredible, filled with moments of wondrous passion for theatre….acting opposite aditya was truly amazing…it was like we were part of an orchestra yesterday and we fed off each other, played off each other and though the audience clapped after every scene and seemed to love us…we had an even better time…i believe!

and then he surprised me by bringing in v- day! so i assumed , we’d go to the regular souk or thai pavilion…we were dressed to the hilt and high after an incredible play and thunderous applause! but we passed the taj and then didn’t turn off towards the president and kept down marine drive, passed home and suddenly moved into olive…. one of my faves! but that’s not even the best part… he had organised a private table…with the red table cloth n all…and a special menu…just for the 2 of us… ALL MY FAVOURITE DISHES! and the personalized menu…had us on the cover and it had a poem written to me….HIS VALENTINE!

i almost wept with delight…i am impossible to surprise(me being so nosy n all) and have such fixed favourites in terms of food, ambience and everything and he’d combined it all to make the most perfect evening!

my first valentine date with him was 9 years ago…and yesterday TOPPED THAT!

these are a few of my favourite things….

so the first ever professional play i did was ‘sound of music’ directed by nosherwan and meher jehandgir and produced by hose vasunia….an incredible experience for a girl of 14 years of age…i learnt how to dance, sing, act and learnt to explore theatre my biggest passion yet!

i played liesl and for 50 odd shows sang ‘i am 16’ LIVE every night!

shiamak davar watched over 25 of the shows and always sat in the first row starting the claps after every song, every time! that’s how i met him….theatre lover, lover of the arts and sound of music fanatic…!

one of our songs was ‘favourite things’ …so today on a friday (my favourite day of the week!) i thought it might be nice to list a few!

so here goes-:

i love-:

  1. fridays (cos they signify the start of an amazing weekend)
  2. chocolate
  3. teddy bears
  4. valentines day
  5. pink!
  6. tons of pretty stationery which i ‘need’ to pick up….not sure whether i’m ever gonna use it!
  7. hubba bubba sour berry flavour!
  8. funky handbags!
  9. huge chunky jewelry
  10. rom-coms!
  11. dinner on sat nights with friends!
  12. murder mystery parties
  13. entertaining guests at my home
  14. going on date nights!
  15. dancing in the rain!
  16. my face song on repeat on my itunes player
  17. singing!
  18. reading responses to my blog!
  19. laughing….like really laughing!
  20. being surprised!
  21. baking n cooking
  22. planning parties
  23. planning vacations!
  24. seeing new places
  25. exploring new cities
  26. decorating my house
  27. walking cookie
  28. learning to play a tune on my piano
  29. learning to sing a tune!
  30. COFFEE! – actually coffee should be number 1 -anyone who knows me at all would know that!!!!

this is what i got in 5 minutes….would love to add some more…so blog in your favourites and who knows maybe i can make some new favourites of my own too!

NOW THE POINT OF THIS POST– is to make sure my week (next week) is more exciting!—so every day next week i’m going to indulge / do atleast ONE of my face things!…it’ll give me something to look forward to on monday and beat those monday morning blues!!!! 😉