You don’t define me

How do we stop others from defining who we are? In a large part, what we think of ourselves comes from what others think of us. This starts when we’re much younger. “Oh you’re so clever,” a teacher might say. Or “she’s so pretty,” a mother might say. And these adjectives then become in a large part who we think we are. It’s like these opinions are our mirror and we see ourselves through other people’s eyes.

What happens then when a boss says “he/ she is more driven than you” Or a friend says “you’re not built to do xyz.” There are 2 ways to deal- 1. Roll over and let whoever that is , with their limited vision define you. Or, 2. Go ahead and do whatever you believe you can achieve. Sure, 2 sounds amazing in theory- but it’s hard and there will be millions of moments where you’ll let yourself down, where you’ll start believing the nay-sayers, where you will doubt all that you believe in… but if you push through you can break their distorted mirror of you and make a cleaner more perfect one for yourself.

No one knows this more than I do. I went into hospital on Friday 2005,May something or the other. Between Friday and Monday- I remember nothing. I do believe I had a few MRI’s and I do remember people trying to keep me awake and then there is just darkness.

When I awoke on Monday, I was on a bed in Breach Candy hospital with a strange man looking over me. “I am sorry,” he said ,”you came in too late. Your brain has been compromised and you are left side paralysed and will not be able to move again. There’s nothing more we can do.” When I stared at this man disbelievingly, he challenged me – “Don’t believe me- try and make a fist with your left hand… go on now… try!” And as he goaded me I tried to earnestly to make a fist, to prove him wrong. He was right. I couldn’t and so my right hand held my left hand and closed it into a fist. He nodded as if to say I told you so. And then he left.

We can let others decide who we will be or we can get up and live the life we think we deserve to live. It won’t be easy and it may take years to get to where some people take minutes to go. But who is to define our lives except for us? We get one life. Why should we allow other to get their own lives and ours? Shouldn’t we take ownership of that ourself?

P.s. (Palat says)-: Our personal mirrors may not be rose tinted or even clean, but we can create our being in the way we’d like to see ourselves. Let’s stop blaming others for defining us and let’s define ourself.

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marriage–my views!

so been getting lots of posts and tweets regarding my views on marriage….some feel that i think (after the amount of advice i give;-) ) that it’s too tough…others ask if i’m anti-marriage or for love and still others ask if i love the concept of love too much and therefore love the concept rather than the actual thing!!!

so i’ve decided to put speculation to rest…for myself and for the rest! i was and have always been commitment phobic…anyone who knows me knows the only thing i was more scared of than marriage was children  (any child) and birds (well ….that’s another story entirely!)…but when i got sick and paralyzed i was scared that i may never experience the comfortability of holding hands, of coming home to someone , of  just being able to be with someone and so when my ‘knight in office-wear’ (aditya) proposed i accepted as  i thought it was important to go thru as many life experiences as i could before (God- forbid) i got back in hospital again…

since then i approached marriage as a journey, a life lesson and an experience and i believe i have lived through it…

marriage is about making mistakes and finding someone to forgive you. it’s about going the wrong way knowing your lost and still going along because it’s ok if the 2 of you are lost together. it’s about fights and tears and laughing over spilt milk…. it’s about learning together. it’s about growing together and give and take…it’s about knowing that every day won’t be perfect…but it’s pretty awesome finding someone who’ll smile for you when you get home…it’s about having dreams and having a partner in crime fueling your madness and even when you come crashing down to the hard, cold ground…it’s about your partner pushing you back up and re-convincing you to be mad all over again!

days won’t be perfect when your married…but then perfection is sometimes over-rated…you are going to have to learn to share when you’re married; but then again, you share the tough times and the tears as well!

in an instant world – don’t look for an instant match… wait for him/ her. search for true love. when you find true love…don’t expect it to be perfect…remember he/she needs only to be perfect for YOU!