Toxic Relationships

How many times do we know someone that or something is bad for us but we cling on to it persistently because of force of habit?

We know they’re wrong for us/ it makes us sad, unhappy, weak, angry… but we just don’t let it go…

And when we do let go…we mourn- as if we needed it, missed it ,wanted it. We mourn as if it was the best thing that happened to us when usually it was exactly the opposite! We cribbed the entire time and knew we were terribly fed up and disappointed in the situation but yet we don’t want to let it go.

Perhaps we’re suckers for punishment… or maybe we sympathise with those that torture us!

A friend in an impossible relationship was sticking on despite the relationship being totally toxic- he couldn’t let go. He left, it became hard , he went back- the cycle continued. He can’t escape or may be he doesn’t truly even want to. And the drama continues.

But to let go… to truly let go… is freeing. It’s amazing. It makes way for new opportunities, the joy of life and living again and complete freedom!

I used to make a lists of pros and cons and remind myself why moving on made sense but now I’ve found a new easier way- I allow myself to feel the loss- fully feel it, but for the day and after that I disconnect completely. I don’t allow myself to dwell or feel bad or get angry or allow the toxic person to have any emotion of mine because that would be energy I could rather use for something much more positive and I’d rather find people that would want that energy of mine and would be able to reciprocate!

This way I allow myself and the relationship the respect of fully feeling it; but also allow myself the respect of not sticking with something that drains me continuously. Just like they say, you can’t flog a dead horse, there’s absolutely no point mourning a toxic friendship/relationship.

Always remember you deserve happiness.

P.s. (Palat says)-: There are 7.7 billion people on this planet.You are going to find a few awful ones… but there are many many billion people left to meet!

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Happy Birthday to ME!

It’s that time of year again when I reminisce on the days gone by….on the months and years gone by…. and try and decide whether I did it right…. It’s BIRTH DAY time and the one time year where I take a few moments to think about where I am and where I wanted to be.

So this last year has been interesting…

I’ve had health issues and pain; but I’ve learnt to become stronger and tolerate more pain and fight more illness…

I’ve taken on more work and that’s made me exhausted but that’s also taught me to value my time with family and friends more…

I’ve learnt to trust more and that’s made me happier on show days and allowed people to surprise me instead of me trying to control the outcome always!

I’ve learnt to say ‘yes’ more and done more than I should but have been happier then if I’d said ‘no’ and played it safe!

Am I exactly where i wanted to be in life?

Well, I’d like to believe I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I learnt a long time ago that life doesn’t play by your rules… and you’re going to have to keep improvising if you’d like the song to keep playing… I’ve had a few off keys, been pitchy at a few points… but I’ve found a beat and I’m still playing- learning new instruments along the way but still playing and fine tuning my own original tune!

Thank you Lord for yet another birth day. Thank you for bringing me a life full of experience. Thank you for all the people- the cheats, the friends, the enemies and the lovers- they have each taught me so much. Thank you for the Drama. Thank you for the Love!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Love is hard-Tips and tricks to keep love alive!

 

The fairytale  romances you grew up listening to is not real love.

The romantic comedies almost never happen in real life.

Movies and books make love look easy. In reality they spoil us- they make us think that when you meet Mr. or Ms. Right, life just finds a way of working out with perfect background music and violins strumming and white birds flying magically past! In reality the moment you do find that person is usually fraught with drama, wrong decisions and tons of silliness and once you finish the drama and make up your mind- then real life takes over.

Responsibilities, your career, your home, your job, your life all suddenly also take their moment in the spotlight and before you know it the honeymoon is over and it’s wet towels and nagging that become your day.

But before you lose the romance, maybe make some time to be young again. Take the time to remember what you loved about your partner and more importantly what your partner loved about you. So though you may not be able to stay up or party till 2 am anymore maybe you can still do Date night and lunch rendezvous. Maybe you can still dress up for a night just with your partner or bring her breakfast in bed every so often. Maybe you can buy her flowers or buy him that book he’s been dying to read. Maybe you can shop together, coffee together or cook together. You can’t bring back the first blush of romance but  maybe you can make sure you never let the flame douse in dishwater and soggy towels and die.

My tips and tricks for a die hard romantic (like myself!!! Yup some of us never learn!)

  1. Do a date night! Just the 2 of you- no friends needed! AND DRESS UP! When you dated you waxed your legs and he combed his hair and dressed up. Make sure you look sensational- just for your date!
  2. Sneak out for a lunch rendezvous in between the week. Lunch break is an hour….spend it with your partner. Escape the monotony of work and enjoy a mid week lunch together. It makes work fun and the week less gloomy!
  3. Exercise together. Run, gym, walk the dogs…enjoy a morning of good exercise, great adrenalin and some happy endorphins!
  4. Take at least one holiday together. Plan it together, pack together and just learn to put aside work and stress and just enjoy each others company!
  5. Give him / her one surprise every week. They’ll be expecting a surprise …and be excited and you’ll be thinking of how to surprise them This can be as simple as flowers or breakfast in bed but it’s fun and it keeps a great energy thru the week!
  6. Say  ‘I Love You.’ I know you probably know it and I know your partner knows it too…but say it…It just makes him/her know you’re thinking of them!
  7. CALL. Even on work days- talk at least twice through the day just to check up- just to say you care!

These are just 7 off the top of my head..there are plenty more…

Drop me a line or add your own tip. I’d love to hear from you.

Also on the left side of your screen is a SUBSCRIBE BUTTON! Do SUBSCRIBE! I’d love to hear, talk and learn about love, life and all the drama it brings from you!

relationship 101 ( fact, fiction and complete myths!)

CHEATING IS NOT OKAY!

i had a friend who was once advised by her mom’s friend that well ‘ all men cheat and now that she was getting married , she must learn to accept it!

cheating is not okay. all men do not cheat. all women do not cheat. you should not be in a committed relationship if you think cheating is not a big issue!

ALL WOMEN DO NOT WISH TO RUN TO THE ALTAR IMMEDIATELY!

…in fact several women are commitment-phobes! so…just because we’re in a relationship with you doesn’t mean we want to get married tomorrow!…you still have to woo us, propose to us and then….. we have to say ‘yes!’

GETTING MARRIED WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING!

the first year of marriage is the roughest…once you weather that..it gets easier…but definitely DO NOT think that marriage will solve problems…in fact there will be so many things that crop up about your partner; it will only add to grievances/ issues you already had…. so fix the problems and kinks….then decide on a date and then get married! fix problems first!

DATING IS FUN FOREVER!

…it is for a bit… it is incredible and a high….but there;s nothing better than knowing you HAVE A DATE , every day any day! AND YOU CHOSE HIM/ HER!

I MUST BE COMPLETELY HONEST….ABOUT EVERYTHING!

…Tell your partner about the important stuff….medical stuff, some past girl friends/ boy friends….but know when your just saying things to hurt your partner or put him/her down. deal with some stuff on your own…you’re not perfect….your partner knows that…just make sure your telling them things that are relevant to your current relationship and not something to make them feel bad about themselves!

MARRIAGE IS A COMPROMISE!

if you’re using the word compromise then…you want to seriously reconsider your relationship…whatever you are giving up to be with your partner should be not something that important that you think it as ‘compromising’ on something!…marriage must make you add to your talents not subtract them!

LOVE IS ALL ABOUT THE DRAMA!

sure drama is wonderful…but if all you are doing is crying and pining….then GET OUT! love is about the laughter and fun. it’s about giggling and cuddling…it’s happy, it’s safe,it’s light!

HE HIT ME BUT HE WAS REALLY SORRY!

GET OUT! NOW! he needs help … abusers always try and woo their ‘prey’ ( and i use this word to give you an idea of who you are to him) back…! so get out! he needs to get help! stop being his punching bag! BUT YOU NEED TO GET OUT NOW!

KIDS WILL MAKE THE MARRIAGE STRONGER

not necessarily…if your marriage has problems …fix them first before you bring in a child…having a child will only add responsibilities and problems don’t disappear -they need to be dealt with! don’t try and make an infant your shrink….! work your problems out , then start a family!

…do write in with some of your own 101 advice or even issues…let’s blog…talk about it!