I’m ok.You’re ok.

In a world of comparisons and insecurities , it’s often mind numbing to compare achievements- personal and professional with one another… Just looking out of the window, the grass always seems greener… but once you get to that garden you often realise, the grass is not as green, covered with manure and far less exciting than you envisioned!

And yet it’s human nature to compare… to want more…to covet more and to therefore feel ‘less than.’

In the joy to get more things, climb more ladders, are we actually losing out on what we most seek- joy and happiness?

I’ve now started to look at people and things more plainly. You have stuff. I have stuff. I have problems. You have problems. May be without comparison we can both dream, create, be better and be happier… I don’t need your stuff to be happy…and you don’t need mine.

I say this as I enviously look at vacation pics… :)… then again my vacations are pretty darn good too no?

We’re all on the ride of our lives. And it’s absolutely fair to wonder ‘what if..’. But I’ve realised its far nicer to make the most of your life, your day, your people and your things and the minute you treasure them, you’ll start being amazed at how much you actually have.

The couple you envy may actually be in counselling. The vacation you wish you were on , may be the first someone has taken in years. The mom who has it all may be crying at night. And the perfect dad may be drinking him self to sleep at night.

You don’t know their journeys and they don’t know yours.

Life is hard. For everyone. But it’s up to you to just focus on yours and make it the best life that you can live.

P.s. (Palat says)-: It’s never about how much you have, it’s about what you do with what you have. Quality always beats quantity.

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Expecting NOT to Expect

Expectation is the root of all heartache

William Shakespeare.

Those of us who believe we don’t expect anything from anyone are lying to ourselves. We expect love and support from our friends and family. We expect growth and satisfaction from our jobs. We expect belief, trust, security and help. We expect dreams to come true and love stories to just happen. We expect.

And then we’re shocked when we’re stabbed in the back by ‘friends’ , hurt by loved ones, not trusted by work-mates and saddened that our dreams have to continuously evolve and even then may never come true. Easier said than done- stop expecting.

And if you think the external expectations that we have are hard, well take a good hard look inside. Often it is OUR EXPECTATIONS of OURSELVES that let us down even more than the expectations we have of others.

We expect to reach the top and whereas our fathers and grandfathers enjoyed a steady and positive growth in a company that they chose to work with for 15, 20 or even 30 years we need  to be at the top yesterday and if that doesn’t happen we shift job,we shift career and we work harder to be at the top at the cost of our health , our families and our happiness!

We expect the perfect spouse and hold them and ourselves to such ridiculous expectations and criteria that we both fail and end up in a bitter marriage or any even more painful divorce.

The solution? Well to stop expecting is not really an option but may be we can cut ourselves and others around us some slack. These are some truths-:

  1. Dating is hard. Marriage is harder. They both require work. When the make up is off and at the end of a bad day- all you have left is the both of you without any pretence and charade and that’s the truth. You are not going to wake up every morning perfect and he’s not going to come home every evening happy. Expect this.
  2. Don’t give your trust to everyone. Everyone may not be worth it. Even with friends, hold a little back/ Don’t expect them to hold all your confidences or bear all your burdens. That’s unrealistic. Open up slowly. Trust less. Make stronger bonds with a few.
  3. Work hard and ensure that your bosses and you know your worth. DON’T EXPECT a raise or a promotion. Ensure they know your worth and ensure YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH. This will give greater job satisfaction and also benefit your company. An unhappy employee makes for an unhappy company. If you feel you deserve more, before jumping ship and leaving the company- tell them. Give them a chance to live up to your expectations. They will only know of your expectations if you tell them!
  4. Be realistic of what you can do in a day , in a week, in a month. And make others aware so that neither you nor they over-expect from you. Aim for the stars but be prepared for the sick days, the setbacks, the days where everything goes wrong and take every moment one step at a time.
  5. Do not expect others to work to your time just because you do. Stop expecting others to live up  to your standards WITHOUT lowering your standards.
  6. TELL PEOPLE YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF THEM. Don’t EXPECT THEM TO GUESS!
  7. Be realistic in your expectations! You wanted to be able to live through some of them not die of a heart attack trying to achieve any of them.
  8. Give WITHOUT expectation. That way you’ll always be surprised.
  9. Love WITHOUT expectation. That way you’ll find love.
  10. Work on your dream WITHOUT expectation. That way your dream may come true :)!

 

 

is he the one & happy birthday aditya ;-) ( p.s. aditya IS the one…)

so….people (friends and blog readers…so also friends;-)) keep asking how you know…? how do you know if he’s the one? what is there’s someone just ’round the corner who’s better? do bells ring when you know you’re with the right one? does your heart skip a beat ( p.s. YES it skips many beats!!!!…you might think you have heart problems 😉 )?

HOW DO YOU KNOW!????

well i’ve always been a nerd…but sometimes in love and life that’s a good thing…I’d say make a list… an ideal person list! yup the fairytale variety and then start writing out the non negotiable and the negotiable…

for e.g.

NON NEGOTIABLE

  1. Male/ female
  2. Religion (if your religious)
  3. Family- how he treats his…./ or how he sees family…
  4. Where he wants to live (you can’t realistically live your entire lives in 2 different continents!)
  5. how does he/ she make you feel- does he make you smile!!! he definitely shouldn’t be the one making you cry….
  6. does he make you want to be a better person( even if ur pretty awesome …do you still wanna be better?)
  7. does he encourage you to achieve?
  8. is he part of your cheering squad!?? is he on your side??
  9. does he make you feel safe
  10. does he make you feel stronger?

etc. … you get the idea

NEGOTIABLE

  1. Looks (they go/ change/become better/ worse)
  2. Money (life changes as does the markets!)
  3. Night person/ morning person
  4. Cleanliness- YOU CAN CHANGE THAT! 😉
  5. Hobbies/ sports /…. you can get a hobby / play a sport together…. (that would be funner(yes thats my new word!))

Once you write your list -give it to your best friend and make sure they help you stick to it!!! or make sure you stick to it!!! Don’t ever change the non-negotiables cos you’ll always feel you’ve changed yourself or given up something and that will only make you feel negative…make you feel like you’ve compromised! The Negotiables- change/ cut/ add/ subtract–!

when you get someone good- grab them…with both hands and all your heart cos guess what they’re might be a hundred people better but there’s one person who’s ‘just right’ for you and you don’t wanna spend your whole life looking for the better opportunity and end up without someone to come home to….

remember he’s not a better job opportunity…he’s a person and with the right person…you can go all the way the top- workwise and happiness-wise!

in the same breath…happy birthday to my one…! we fight, we change, we move, we grow…but we do it together. thank you aditya…i love you.