Toxic Relationships

How many times do we know someone that or something is bad for us but we cling on to it persistently because of force of habit?

We know they’re wrong for us/ it makes us sad, unhappy, weak, angry… but we just don’t let it go…

And when we do let go…we mourn- as if we needed it, missed it ,wanted it. We mourn as if it was the best thing that happened to us when usually it was exactly the opposite! We cribbed the entire time and knew we were terribly fed up and disappointed in the situation but yet we don’t want to let it go.

Perhaps we’re suckers for punishment… or maybe we sympathise with those that torture us!

A friend in an impossible relationship was sticking on despite the relationship being totally toxic- he couldn’t let go. He left, it became hard , he went back- the cycle continued. He can’t escape or may be he doesn’t truly even want to. And the drama continues.

But to let go… to truly let go… is freeing. It’s amazing. It makes way for new opportunities, the joy of life and living again and complete freedom!

I used to make a lists of pros and cons and remind myself why moving on made sense but now I’ve found a new easier way- I allow myself to feel the loss- fully feel it, but for the day and after that I disconnect completely. I don’t allow myself to dwell or feel bad or get angry or allow the toxic person to have any emotion of mine because that would be energy I could rather use for something much more positive and I’d rather find people that would want that energy of mine and would be able to reciprocate!

This way I allow myself and the relationship the respect of fully feeling it; but also allow myself the respect of not sticking with something that drains me continuously. Just like they say, you can’t flog a dead horse, there’s absolutely no point mourning a toxic friendship/relationship.

Always remember you deserve happiness.

P.s. (Palat says)-: There are 7.7 billion people on this planet.You are going to find a few awful ones… but there are many many billion people left to meet!

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A Little Respect!

We’re pushed around. We’re passed over. We change who we are, change what we want to be. And we blame everyone around us for the situations we are in. Bad marriages, bad jobs, bad family lives…

Take a second. Why do we allow ourselves to be bullied? When people disrespect us or our time or our wants, why do we gloss over it? Why do we pretend it doesn’t matter? Why do we make excuses for them? ‘They meant to be here,’ or ‘ You know so and so… he’s always late’… or ‘It doesn’t matter, it’s not a big deal!’

How is respect not a big deal? How is self respect NOT a big deal!

You DON’T NEED to be pushed around. You DON’T NEED to CHANGE if YOU DON’T WANT TO. And you DON’T NEED to be STOOD UP.

Take a stance. People won’t like you less if you tell them that you won’t be pushed around/ won’t wait around for them incessantly / won’t allow to be glossed over for a promotion again- IN FACT they’ll respect you more! And more importantly you’ll respect you more

I’m not saying you shouldn’t change for the person you love or allow yourself to be pushed around by your kids or your friends– but the call should be YOURS and you should NEVER be in ANY RELATIONSHIP where there is NO RESPECT.

Respect is the founding stone for any good, solid and strong relationship. Be with a woman/ man you respect and who respects you back. Don’t be pushed around/ bullied / made to feel inferior. Don’t pretend it doesn’t matter. Don’t be bullied. And don’t make excuses.

And as you walk away from the people who don’t respect you… watch how you automatically attract those that will 🙂

 

Help me!

“Help me!” – two words that have got such a bad reputation in the English language! “Help me!”- shows weakness.”Help me!”- shows inability. “Help me!”- is pathetic, laughable, unmanly,namby-pamby and just downright sad!

Instead of asking for help , it seems to make more sense to commit suicide, kill others, kill ourselves, commit divorce, burn children,abuse and hurt pets-those are the more acceptable solutions!

And I am angry. Not a shocker for those who know me….But now I’m really mad.

I do not want you to find a counselor or a support group or a really good friend- I want you to get help and be UNAFRAID TO ASK FOR IT!

In India we have always perceived those who’d seek a counselor’s help a little bit nuts… I mean you have to be a little mad to seek help that your friends and family can’t give you. I mean our parents never needed counseling- why the hell should we?!

But today is a different generation. We are a generation who don’t finish work at 6 p.m., who have to reply an email at 11:30 p.m. at night because that’s what ‘Smartphones ‘ are for, who have heart attacks in our 30’s because we’re a generation of plenty- plenty of food, technology AND stress! We are a generation who create smart Status Updates despite being laid off work or stuck with typhoid! We are a generation who misuse the words- “I’m fine”- because we don’t need pity, help, sad eyes! We are a generation who are anything but fine!

Our parents went home to family. They stopped work. They shared stresses. They had friends- some real friends that didn’t judge based on appearances. They had stresses. But they had people around to help.

I am angry some days. I am scared, tired, alone, afraid,outraged, shocked, violent. Some days I want to break a plate or 25 plates, or hit a wall or curl up and hide. And this is okay. Because I am human and it’s normal to feel a range of emotions – sometimes all at once and sometimes all in one day.

But let’s make it acceptable to ask for help. Talk to someone- friend, confidant, counselor- work out the stresses, the stressers, the anger, the pain. And let’s start healing before we keep exploding.

And as a friend to someone today when you ask them how they are- really mean it and… DON’T ACCEPT THE ANSWER -“I’m fine!”

fine

Everything will not go right today…

Everything will not go right today. You will grow older but no more mature.You may not find the one you  love. You may fall out with people that you care about. You may not finish what you started….you may be no more closer to finishing it actually. You may lose an argument, your job, a friend. You may be in more debt, scrape your newly painted car, fall on a dirty pavement wearing your nicest white shirt. Everything will not go right today.

But the sun will still come up and you will meet strangers who have no preconceived notions of you. You will receive smiles for no reason at all. And you might even notice someone who has been noticing you your entire life. You will witness kindness. You might even get the opportunity to be kind. You will see innocence. You will have conversations. You will see if you open your eyes and actually see!

Life is not about a glass half full or a glass half empty…it’s about the milk that’s in it! It’s about tasting life with it’s ups and downs and actually living the moment.

There is absolutely no stress worth stressing about because someone out there has it worse than you.If you are having a bad day, someone else is having a worse one!They say ‘Smile and the World Smiles with you…’….I think it’s not about having or getting other people to smile- it’s just about actually smiling!

You are born. You are blessed. You are loved or have the potential to be loved and you have the ability to love others. You get this amazing experience of life where you will see many different colours, people, places and things. You are the Chosen One. God chose YOU.

You must be special. BELIEVE IT!

To be with you…in sickness and in health!

So the joy of having had a neurological illness like ADEM is that my immune system is shot to hell! Now this article will be very bitter and annoyed ….but sometimes it’s just hard to be un-annoyed when my brain and mind wills me on and my body seems to be happy crumbling!

So…. the husband was sick! Now this is good–not that he is sick …but that i get a chance to worry about him, look after him and check whether the temperature is lower or whether he’s inhaled! All was going fine…i got him into bed early, felt I was a very good wife and even tucked in myself!

2 am and I wander into the bathroom only to suddenly realise I’m blacking out…yell for aditya. He effortlessly , even in his sick-state puts me on to the bed where I then proceed to throw up! Considering I hadn’t eater dinner, it was worrying….and so he’s out with all the correct tablets and carefully tucks me in and i go to bed for the second time in the night…now feeling like a very bad wife and a very sick person!

I awaken to aditya looking after himself with haldi-milk and steam and he asks ME how i am feeling….just as I am about to embark on a ‘I’m fine…let’s worry about you…’ conversation(the good wife in me wants to be good!) ; I’m interrupted by a dry cough from my throat and a splitting headache that won’t allow me to open my eyes…

As this article goes up…I am now nauseous and have a cold that won’t quit.

Dearest Aditya…I promise to be with you …in great health and greater health….In any sickness, apparently my body will steal it from you, and create a brand new more annoying version of your sickness…so for that I am sorry!

Cough Cough!