I have always been rather self destructive. My parents remember this well, when I got myself in trouble when they were in the midst of shouting at my sister for something she had done and I would suddenly point out something I had done which was worse.
But cute as that seemed as I grew older, I got even more destructive. The critical little voice in my head was almost a shout and I was never good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or worthy enough. And so I hurt myself, I had terrible bouts of anxiety and stress. I was depressed at times and was easily swayed into believing that I was lucky to get anything because I obviously didn’t deserve it.
And when I got sick (multiple sclerosis), this became even worse. Now I was living proof of someone who may never be pretty enough, smart enough or worthy of anything- but something switched inside me. I was stuck so long listening to this evil shouting voice, I never took the time to hear the softer, more encouraging voice in my head. And when I did take the time, and since in the hospital ,I did have just time- I started hearing the voice that told me to believe.
It’s the voice that tells you that ‘you can be more, you can do more and that you are better than you think you are.’ It’s the voice that tells you to believe in yourself and that you are ready for the meeting, for the interview and even to take over the world! It’s the voice that tells you that your body- in pain, fit or unfit- is amazing because it’s yours. It’s the voice that tells you every day can be amazing because you are part of it.
And once you listen to this voice , the evil one becomes softer and slowly becomes non existent, if you work hard enough.
Initially and even sometimes now, when I hear Cruella (yup she has a name) popping up with her fears and doubts in me… I loudly proclaim how sure , how positive and how amazing I am so that Miss D (yup she has a name too) gets the strength to go louder than ever!
P.s.(Palat says)-: How successful you are will often be a direct relation to how much you believe in you. Don’t look for the applause from outside. Be proud to be your biggest cheerleader.
And the week went by uneventfully for most but for me it was a re-learning of sorts.
After weeks of walking like the ‘Leaning tower of Pisa’ , I finally started walking straight and balanced again and then proceeded to show this basic skill to anyone and every one who’d watch me, often much to their amusement or annoyance (depending on whom I was showing it to)! Walking straight should come naturally to most , but for me it was an achievement that I was proud of.
And that’s when I realised how many of us take so much for granted till we lose the ability to do it. We often fail to celebrate the people we love and the things we can do and instead find fault with both. And then when we lose the ability to do something or lose someone in our life ; we then and only then understand the importance.
And in the spirit of things that I have learnt, I learnt lots from this Multiple Sclerosis Attack.
- Value your body. It’s the only one you have and whatever you can do with it (even the bare minimum) is pretty darn amazing.
- Connect with your family and friends. Say ‘I love you’ lots and give lots. Eventually all you have in life is for the relationships – so give them your all.
- Don’t take your health lightly.Listen to your body. It’ll always be truthful to you.
- Stop blaming yourself. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and any trial is just a lesson in disguise.
- Smile, watch a comedy and refresh. Smiling is a lot healthier than stress is!
- Party. When the world is turning upside down, get out and party. Don’t sit and mope. Get outside. Have a ball. The world is amazing! And tomorrow will always be a better day!
And we’re on to another weekend and the new week holds so much excitement with new hires, new jobs and new opportunities.
And yup, that’s another excuse to party!
P.s. (Palat says)-: Life is a celebration…or it should be. If it’s not, take a minute and remember – you are alive, you are amazing and you deserve awesomeness!
So the joy of having had a neurological illness like ADEM is that my immune system is shot to hell! Now this article will be very bitter and annoyed ….but sometimes it’s just hard to be un-annoyed when my brain and mind wills me on and my body seems to be happy crumbling!
So…. the husband was sick! Now this is good–not that he is sick …but that i get a chance to worry about him, look after him and check whether the temperature is lower or whether he’s inhaled! All was going fine…i got him into bed early, felt I was a very good wife and even tucked in myself!
2 am and I wander into the bathroom only to suddenly realise I’m blacking out…yell for aditya. He effortlessly , even in his sick-state puts me on to the bed where I then proceed to throw up! Considering I hadn’t eater dinner, it was worrying….and so he’s out with all the correct tablets and carefully tucks me in and i go to bed for the second time in the night…now feeling like a very bad wife and a very sick person!
I awaken to aditya looking after himself with haldi-milk and steam and he asks ME how i am feeling….just as I am about to embark on a ‘I’m fine…let’s worry about you…’ conversation(the good wife in me wants to be good!) ; I’m interrupted by a dry cough from my throat and a splitting headache that won’t allow me to open my eyes…
As this article goes up…I am now nauseous and have a cold that won’t quit.
Dearest Aditya…I promise to be with you …in great health and greater health….In any sickness, apparently my body will steal it from you, and create a brand new more annoying version of your sickness…so for that I am sorry!