Toxic Relationships

How many times do we know someone that or something is bad for us but we cling on to it persistently because of force of habit?

We know they’re wrong for us/ it makes us sad, unhappy, weak, angry… but we just don’t let it go…

And when we do let go…we mourn- as if we needed it, missed it ,wanted it. We mourn as if it was the best thing that happened to us when usually it was exactly the opposite! We cribbed the entire time and knew we were terribly fed up and disappointed in the situation but yet we don’t want to let it go.

Perhaps we’re suckers for punishment… or maybe we sympathise with those that torture us!

A friend in an impossible relationship was sticking on despite the relationship being totally toxic- he couldn’t let go. He left, it became hard , he went back- the cycle continued. He can’t escape or may be he doesn’t truly even want to. And the drama continues.

But to let go… to truly let go… is freeing. It’s amazing. It makes way for new opportunities, the joy of life and living again and complete freedom!

I used to make a lists of pros and cons and remind myself why moving on made sense but now I’ve found a new easier way- I allow myself to feel the loss- fully feel it, but for the day and after that I disconnect completely. I don’t allow myself to dwell or feel bad or get angry or allow the toxic person to have any emotion of mine because that would be energy I could rather use for something much more positive and I’d rather find people that would want that energy of mine and would be able to reciprocate!

This way I allow myself and the relationship the respect of fully feeling it; but also allow myself the respect of not sticking with something that drains me continuously. Just like they say, you can’t flog a dead horse, there’s absolutely no point mourning a toxic friendship/relationship.

Always remember you deserve happiness.

P.s. (Palat says)-: There are 7.7 billion people on this planet.You are going to find a few awful ones… but there are many many billion people left to meet!

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…to all who have lost someone

What if I were forgotten , as if I were never there?

What if you couldn’t see me anymore , what if you didn’t care?

When my life is over , would you know my name?

Would I be remembered, would sunsets feel the same ?

What if I were forgotten , as if I were never there?

Isn’t life so transient- a breeze just passing air,

And for a while you’d miss me , see me all around,

But then you would forget me ,forget whether they were blue or brown…

What if I were forgotten , as if I were never there?

Would it even matter , should I even care?

Tonight I stand beside you and all the world stands still…

Tonight I’m yours forever , my fears are none , they’re nil.

So tonight let’s always remember, let’s not waste any time

Tonight I’m yours for always , tonight you’re always mine

And so if I were forgotten , I’ll never be not there

Because somewhere deep inside of you , some part of you will always care.

When the going gets tough!

So every day isn’t your best day… every day may not be a day you are proud of…it may not be a day you care to remember…it may even be a day you can’t stop the tears.

And as the rain pours and the economy sinks , days become darker and so do outlooks and in between all of this sometimes it’s hard to keep up that cheery disposition; so I have a new theory. I celebrate the wins AND NOW I CELEBRATE the losses as well! Well not celebrate… but I go out and thank God that the hurt is over, thank God that the loss has been felt and then allow myself the POWER TO GO ON and LOOK FORWARD.

Every day is not going to be amazing but our outlook can be. So what if you face rejection, humiliation and hurt- there are days where you also feel validated, loved and empowered. And like every day’s newspaper- yesterday’s news, is just yesterday’s news…! so YESTERDAY’S BLUES SHOULD REMAIN YESTERDAY’S BLUES!

Nothing in life works to a plan…that’s the joy,the journey and the fun…so strap up you are in for a hell of a ride! Why not end a scary roller-coaster or a terrible scare in the ‘haunted house’ of life with an ice cream?

..also always remember YOU ARE BLESSED…. somewhere someone is having a rougher day than you and they may not have the strength that you have. So pat yourself on the back and GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!

 

Changing my Perspective

When friends ask me why I keep working when I’m sick or have horrendous pain because of a Multiple Sclerosis triggered attack, I never had much of an answer, except that I’m a workaholic and a bit nuts… But then I thought about it a bit and I realised that when I was sick and unable to move I missed moving, working and living so much that I made a vow to myself that i was never going to let another day pass me by where I didn’t try and do everything, every single thing that I could do!

It’s all about perspective!

Think about it… when you were awoken too early… or just woke up too early in the morning; someone somewhere is never going to get the morning you just woke up to; someone somewhere is going to hope that they have another morning left; someone somewhere is going to wish someone they cared about actually woke up this morning!

When you have a bad day at work…Think about it- you HAVE work. Millions are jobless, on their last few rupees/ dollars, have mortgaged their homes, their lives , are ready to do anything just to have even a bad day at WORK, because they WANT to WORK!

A nagging wife wants you back home, that’s cause for annoyance except when you think of the many, many people out there wishing they’d find love, who’d trade their lives with yours in a heartbeat just to get rid of the loneliness…

And then there’s the terrible leg pain… and you have to think of the hundreds and thousands of amputees who have no legs….who’d give anything just to feel a cramp or a leg ache again!

A delayed contract, a painful break up, even a critical parent- it just means you have a job and may soon get a contract; you were with the wrong person, but you learnt how to love; someone believes you can be better than who you are today and they love you!

It’s all about perspective…!

Have a POSITIVELY great week ahead!

 

stop hating. start loving.

Last week was important for 2 reasons. Last week was Valentine’s Day – and the one week I didn’t write!

In my Valentine’s Day- I see hearts, and heart shaped chocolates. I see flowers and balloons and gifts and romantic declarations…. and tho you will have the few who ‘do not believe in Valentines day’ ( huh!?) this year the numbers of those hating this day had increased a heck of a lot. Declarations of Anti-Valentines Day/ Wear Black against V-Day were being posted on Facebook and followers had increased. The number of people posting positive , love-filled messages were few and when a girl-friend of mine called me trying to discuss her valentines Day plans , she seemed so very grateful that I still enjoyed celebrating love! She’d called a friend to ask what they were doing for Valentines Day only to be told ‘who does that anymore?’

Who does that any more? Well….I do and it makes me happy!

What was I doing? I was Valentine-ing! I say this without shame and without fear that you will mock my silly rom-com life! I will celebrate love- loudly, unabashedly and I will love it! How is it silly to celebrate love? Most people spend a life time searching for it and when you do…you take it for granted and move on! I hate the people who self assuredly say ‘well, every day is a celebration of love, why should I restrict it to one!’ That’s just a cheap way of not buying gifts, flowers or taking your beautiful wife for dinner! And surely every day you should celebrate the fact that you have life and you were born but you probably still expect a special celebration on your birthday… though every day in fact should be a celebration of life!

To all the haters… take a day off! Celebrate love… celebrate the fact that you are still looking/ have found someone/ are in a new relationship/ single! Celebrate love. Gift yourself something special. Make a list of those you love in your life…. Make a list of qualities you’d like to find in the man / woman you want to meet! Be happy. Happy thoughts attract happy people. Love attracts love! Every day is filled with so many stresses, worries, petty fights, silly jealousies- for one day just go out, dress up and be happy that you CAN LOVE SOMEONE! You CAN fall in LOVE.

And if you are in love or have found someone special…the honeymoon period only ends when you let it end… so smile, dress up and fall in love all over again! Work can make our home go ’round but love makes our life go ’round and sure you may tell your better half you love them every day of the year , many, many times- but for one day- just pull out all the stops and bask in warmth of love!

Why didn’t I write ? Because I was on a journey to my roots with my handsome husband. We decided to combine our passion for exploring with Valentines Day… so it was travel, see, explore and Valentine…!I would document this later. Right then, I was too busy just living– and it was amazing!

Don’t waste hating love or Valentines Day- it doesn’t make you cool…. it just makes you lonely and sad. I celebrated Valentines Day when I was single too… and loved it! The one day you can buy heart holding teddy bears and ridiculously cute cards…!

Love is cool.

Being in love is very cool!

Stop hating. Start loving!

Living to LIVE! (my life can’t fit in 140 characters!)

So the Blackberry’s attached and you’re completely hooked up…there’s a wifi zone almost everywhere and wherever the .pdf’s are too small or difficult to read on your phone there’s the iPad or the laptop to keep you company. You know more now than you ever did about the world, peoples lives and even their bedrooms -you are TOTALLY IN THE LOOP and IN TOUCH but completely unconnected with the real world still!

Ironic! We spend more time responding to emails and more time updating statuses than picking up the phone and asking how someone is. Lives change over night but unless you put yours in a status update precious few even care!

Emails have to be answered immediately with no thought being given to personal lives or personal time! We’re completely in sync with everyone else’s lives but we’ve forgotten to live our own!

This realization hit me when a friend asked how I’d been….now this last few weeks have been un-fun(I know that’s not a word, but what the heck). Hospital visits, blood tests and doctors have dominated a lot of my life and unless you read in between the lines of my ‘oh-far-too positive for no apparent reason’ bb updates or status updates you would never know. I quickly updated her and she said…” hey! why didn’t you call?’ and then I realised I could have, should have, would have but in the mass of work emails and work commitments because well you gotta do all that crap NOW cos what are you connected for!?, I’d forgotten to connect with a real person…I’d forgotten to talk, to share my fears, to feel , to cry!

I realised I want to be more than just a  Facebook friend…I wanna have friends I actually see! i don’t want to not recognise you cos you look so different in your FB Photo-I want to know how you really look…I want to know more than a 140 character twitter update cos your life is more important and so is mine…

In this mad rush of trying to live at the top of the rat race , I’d become just that – a rat! Only I’m sure since their not forced to remain connected all the time- they actually sleep, eat and maybe go out for a nibble of cheese or garbage to ‘JUST TALK!’