To those who said I couldn’t

Remember when you told me I wouldn’t work again… I was scared of what you could do… but I kept trying and I kept working.

And you… you who told me that I’d never amount to much… Well to some people…I amount to their whole lives… so that’s a lot I think!

And to the ones who said I was hard hearted and would never be able to love… well you got it wrong… I am capable of more love than you can think. You were wrong for me… I was ok.

And to those who said I’d never walk again… I don’t walk. I run :)!

And those who said I won’t be able to….I did. I finished. I moved on. And I started all over again!

To those who said I can’t or I wouldn’t- I can and I did!

When you said I’d leave because it was too tough…I stayed . I learnt. I won.

When you kicked me…I got up and fought just a little bit harder.

When you hurt me…I didn’t waste time on tears… I moved on- stronger, harder and more determined.

And when I was laughed at… I laughed with you… and learnt how it felt and never did it to someone else.

For all those who called me back to tell me that they didn’t believe …I learnt to try and help you see… see the world thru my eyes.

To those who hated me- I tried to make you see me for who I am…. But if you still hate me… it’s your loss not mine. I’m a pretty awesome person (even if it’s just my husband and family who says so!)

I’ve lived. I’ve learnt. I’ve hurt. I’ve loved. I’ve fought. I’ve dreamt. I’ve had heart breaks and I’ve caused a few. But whenever a door shut… I found that if I took a moment there’d be another door wide open and waiting for me.

Thank you for teaching me that life is full of challenges….I look forward to spending the rest of mine jumping hurdles and winning the race…

You may never see me for who I am but you’ve allowed me to see how much strength , talent, love and beauty lies within me!

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Raping me.

I am your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend. I am your conscience, your feelings, your creativity, your inner most thoughts. I am your blood, your hair, your eyes, your soul. I am all that you have and all that you need. I am you.

You exist because of me. You live because I give you life. You dream because I dream with you. When you are lost , I help you find your way. You need me. You need my love. You need my care. You need me.

And then I am raped and beaten and left to die. Left on a street – naked and uncovered, I am left to choke on my own blood and tears and you pass me by. You are stronger than me but don’t bother to pick me up. You are louder than me , but don’t bother to shout. You can run faster than me but don’t run to get help. Instead you walk over me like you would a speed bump, avoid me like you would garbage and pretend not to notice me like I’m invisible.

And this happens every day, every where, all the time and we get so used to it… we stop wondering if the headlines are ever going to change. We wander around like deer in a city full of predators, except than unlike in the jungle where the predator will just kill you for food- his necessity for life… here the predators- Man will rape you, humiliate and demean you and then leave you for dead. This is not a need. He doesn’t need to rape you to survive. He just does it for sport!

Rape is not a sport. It shouldn’t be a video game. It shouldn’t be. And yet it is.

And when we protest, once again you beat us. we stand unarmed- begging for justice for one of our own and you lathi charge us and wear us down with water canons.

Are we that dangerous? Did our words hurt, humiliate or demean you? Did it, God forbid, rape you?!

No. That was us. We were raped. And then we were not allowed to complain.

To all my women friends… the men don’t care. They are not going to change or help in any way.Let’s look after ourselves and be safe. Let’s move in groups and be unafraid to yell, scream and run if we have the slightest feeling of danger…Pepper spray, karate, self defense- let’s stop looking at men to protect us. Let’s protect ourselves.

Men if you think you can protect us. Start. Start by castrating those bastards!

 

Help me!

“Help me!” – two words that have got such a bad reputation in the English language! “Help me!”- shows weakness.”Help me!”- shows inability. “Help me!”- is pathetic, laughable, unmanly,namby-pamby and just downright sad!

Instead of asking for help , it seems to make more sense to commit suicide, kill others, kill ourselves, commit divorce, burn children,abuse and hurt pets-those are the more acceptable solutions!

And I am angry. Not a shocker for those who know me….But now I’m really mad.

I do not want you to find a counselor or a support group or a really good friend- I want you to get help and be UNAFRAID TO ASK FOR IT!

In India we have always perceived those who’d seek a counselor’s help a little bit nuts… I mean you have to be a little mad to seek help that your friends and family can’t give you. I mean our parents never needed counseling- why the hell should we?!

But today is a different generation. We are a generation who don’t finish work at 6 p.m., who have to reply an email at 11:30 p.m. at night because that’s what ‘Smartphones ‘ are for, who have heart attacks in our 30’s because we’re a generation of plenty- plenty of food, technology AND stress! We are a generation who create smart Status Updates despite being laid off work or stuck with typhoid! We are a generation who misuse the words- “I’m fine”- because we don’t need pity, help, sad eyes! We are a generation who are anything but fine!

Our parents went home to family. They stopped work. They shared stresses. They had friends- some real friends that didn’t judge based on appearances. They had stresses. But they had people around to help.

I am angry some days. I am scared, tired, alone, afraid,outraged, shocked, violent. Some days I want to break a plate or 25 plates, or hit a wall or curl up and hide. And this is okay. Because I am human and it’s normal to feel a range of emotions – sometimes all at once and sometimes all in one day.

But let’s make it acceptable to ask for help. Talk to someone- friend, confidant, counselor- work out the stresses, the stressers, the anger, the pain. And let’s start healing before we keep exploding.

And as a friend to someone today when you ask them how they are- really mean it and… DON’T ACCEPT THE ANSWER -“I’m fine!”

fine

Everything will not go right today…

Everything will not go right today. You will grow older but no more mature.You may not find the one you ┬álove. You may fall out with people that you care about. You may not finish what you started….you may be no more closer to finishing it actually. You may lose an argument, your job, a friend. You may be in more debt, scrape your newly painted car, fall on a dirty pavement wearing your nicest white shirt. Everything will not go right today.

But the sun will still come up and you will meet strangers who have no preconceived notions of you. You will receive smiles for no reason at all. And you might even notice someone who has been noticing you your entire life. You will witness kindness. You might even get the opportunity to be kind. You will see innocence. You will have conversations. You will see if you open your eyes and actually see!

Life is not about a glass half full or a glass half empty…it’s about the milk that’s in it! It’s about tasting life with it’s ups and downs and actually living the moment.

There is absolutely no stress worth stressing about because someone out there has it worse than you.If you are having a bad day, someone else is having a worse one!They say ‘Smile and the World Smiles with you…’….I think it’s not about having or getting other people to smile- it’s just about actually smiling!

You are born. You are blessed. You are loved or have the potential to be loved and you have the ability to love others. You get this amazing experience of life where you will see many different colours, people, places and things. You are the Chosen One. God chose YOU.

You must be special. BELIEVE IT!

To a Happy Vishu and to new beginnings!

Vishukanni

So the night ended late with Vishukkani (the first things you must see on Vishu morning) being set up by me. Vishukkani literally translated is the first things you must see on Vishu morning) These are a collection of auspicious things and special things you want the year to be full of! So it is an exciting, wonderful and fabulous collection of flowers, work materials, new clothes, rice,fruit, vegetables, gold,silver and special mementos with lots of meaning. I set this up late in the night and the next morning before sunrise wake up and hope to open my eyes and see God and all these wonderful offerings as an auspicious start to my new year! I light the lamps and say my prayers and pray that the year to come will bring all my dreams to fruition!

After this I wake Aditya up and keep his eyes covered or shut and take him into the Puja (Prayer) room and have him open his eyes in front of God and he now says his prayers touching each object and then touching his head asking God to bless the object and him.

Then the 2 of us wake our sleeping puppy Cookie and she sits with us and marvels at the decorations and the flowers and while she prays (for us, because she’s just that kind of girl0; we pray for her and thank God she came in to our lives!

To new beginnings and scaling greater heights- HAPPY VISHU ALL!

Puppy prayers

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