The Farce that was #MeToo

And so the farce of #MeToo ended in a whimper. And we can be feminists about this and say , ‘well at least stories were told.’.. but to be realists- what good did that do any way?!

Stories were told, sordid details shared and every newspaper (even the serious ones) became gossip rags proudly sharing salacious details. We had news reports dissecting the who said what’s and when stuff happened and companies , film houses and advertising agencies proudly denouncing men who were caught up for their lecherous moves and unforgivable behaviour towards women.

We enjoyed the headlines we made by denouncing the creeps and we enjoyed the ‘stand that we took’ and the praise it seemed to garner us. We became proud supporting our women and we assured them that this would never ever be tolerated again.

And then overnight, we forgot it. It became inconvenient when the headlines changed and politics and other world issues took centre stage, It became a non-issue when we weren’t being applauded for just being a non lecherous creepy human being. It just became unimportant again.

And the creeps went back to work. Some were never even fired or let go of. It seems like it was difficult to expect a higher standard of human decency from people. Cases were dropped because creeps filed counter cases with more goons threatening the victim and she faced even more harassment. It was bad enough to be tabloid news fodder but to be openly shamed on social media and to have your case being discussed, distorted and destroyed by people who didn’t even know you was something the victims dealt with because for the first time they felt they had a voice and that even with all the noise, the people, the right people cared and were listening.

But then it hit home truly, when support was withdrawn; when law enforcers chose to humiliate rather than help and when quite literally their personal story became yesterday’s garbage.

I guess asking for change might have been too much. But may be we could have done more than just completely turn away from them. I guess it doesn’t mean anything unless it happens to you.

But when it does will anyone support you?

Trust me- after this – I wouldn’t ask you to hold your breath.

I knew that we were becoming shallow. I knew that women and women’s rights in India were never a priority but right now I have to say ,I am well and truly disappointed.

I guess #MeToo, your #TimesUp ūüė¶

P.s.(Palat says)-: We need to be better. Not just because we owe it to humanity but because we owe it to ourselves.

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Liar, liar..

So the husband (I remain undecided on the use of his name on the blog, basis of my mood and what the blog is about); decided to discuss lying…

I am completely opposed to a lie. I’d rather not say something if I have nothing nice to say… but I try never to tell a lie.

This my husband seemed to feel is a rather idealistic and difficult to achieve goal. I guess when a woman asks ‘ Do I look good in this?’ or ‘Does this make me look fat/ bad?’- I guess many men will take the white lie way out… It keeps the peace and I’m sure saves countless sleepless nights on the couch for many men.

But then where does the ‘white’ lie end? My husband seemed to think that if a lie didn’t hurt someone or even made them feel better, is that so wrong? I was divided. Of course I want people to feel good about themselves , but to feel good basis a lie? Wouldn’t you feel worse when you found out the truth?

So then I started looking around…

In a world of filtered photographs and edited stories… wasn’t I being a little sanctimonious… I mean weren’t they all just ‘white’ lies… Wasn’t the truth touched up, just a little bit to make it seem better?

And if that seemed okay.. well who was I to judge- especially if I used my own filters!

But even after much debate and argument (mostly internal) and realising that between the two of us, he is infinitely more liked and I , more blunt; I figured I’m going to keep doing things my way. Tell the truth or shut up. And, if I have nothing nice to say, zip it! This may not make me more popular… but filters should stay on photographs not in real life!

On a separate note-: he promises to tell me what he truthfully thinks of my outfits et all… so that’s a question I’d better not ask!

P.s. (Palat says)-:¬†His¬†popularity¬†and¬†my¬†anonymity¬†and¬†his¬†kindness¬†and¬†my¬†bluntness…¬†when¬†they¬†say¬†opposites¬†attract;¬†someone¬†up¬†there¬†used¬†us¬†as¬†the¬†Case¬†studies!¬†See¬†you¬†MONDAY!

To all the liars out there…

I have been blessed over the last few years to have been able to eliminate the majority of the negative people in my life¬†which has allowed more space for new, fabulous and positive people in…

These people inspire me to think every day. They inspire me to be better, do more, feel more and achieve more.

But every so often you’re given a blast from the past and are witness to some of the negative people you let go of and you are reminded about why they aren’t with you anymore. These are the people who will lie about you, will try and walk on top of you just to achieve some sense of achievement. And it makes me proud.

Proud that I left them.Proud that I did good.

I am without you for a reason.

I am sorry I still figure in your conversations. And you need to spin it, to make your self the ¬†winner…!

I don’t need to spin anything any more.

I am surrounded by winners. I am surrounded by heroes. I am surrounded by people so incredible…I become a little more fabulous each day. I am surrounded by superstars and I don’t take anything away from them to make me feel better about my life cos it’s pretty perfect … especially now that you’re not in it! (sorry couldn’t risk the childish dig!)

cuviybmwgaejimz

 

I want to change the world by doing NOTHING!

It didn’t happen to me…

It happened on TV…

And that’s our attitude… Buildings fall. Women get raped. People get murdered. Terror attacks happen. A cyclone devastates…

But it didn’t happen to me!

We want a better world for ourselves, for our future , for the future of our unborn children or our friends’ unborn children…and yet we make the grand gesture of—-wait for it….—–NOTHING!

Let’s cut the crap. Candle light vigils don’t help a girl after she’s been raped- punishing rapists do! Complaining about government organisations when buildings collapse don’t help- -stop paying off people and making substandard buildings! Punish the guilty and punish them quick. Don’t let’s live in a country where you can do wrong…and live a lifetime of sin with your lawyer just taking ‘dates’ for you every time. Let’s stop being afraid of punishment and its consequence. Let’s start being afraid of what will happen if we don’t punish- let’s look at that consequence instead.

Today you weren’t raped…you don’t live in ‘that’ neighborhood, wear ‘provocative clothes’ like jeans and you don’t step out of your house after 2 p.m….but that doesn’t ensure your safety any more because rapists are not afraid of the last- they can rape and then claim they are juveniles or pay off someone and leave the city… Ravage your life, destroy you and then just move and rape someone else. But don’t think about that… because it didn’t happen to you.

Your building hasn’t collapsed as yet…so why worry…it’s not like your life will be destroyed if it did collapse… or your home that you’ve paid so much for might be worth rubble…it didn’t happen to you!

And about the cyclone- well…you tweeted… what else can you do? Oh yes, you hash-tagged it as well!

Let’s read about it in the newspapers.

Let’s gossip about it in coffee shops…

But let’s do NOTHING!

After all it didn’t happen to me. Right?

 

Raping me.

I am your sister, your wife, your mother, your friend. I am your conscience, your feelings, your creativity, your inner most thoughts. I am your blood, your hair, your eyes, your soul. I am all that you have and all that you need. I am you.

You exist because of me. You live because I give you life. You dream because I dream with you. When you are lost , I help you find your way. You need me. You need my love. You need my care. You need me.

And then I am raped and beaten and left to die. Left on a street – naked and uncovered, I am left to choke on my own blood and tears and you pass me by. You are stronger than me but don’t bother to pick me up. You are louder than me , but don’t bother to shout. You can run faster than me but don’t run to get help. Instead you walk over me like you would a speed bump, avoid me like you would garbage and pretend not to notice me like I’m invisible.

And this happens every day, every where, all the time and we get so used to it… we stop wondering if the headlines are ever going to change. We wander around like deer in a city full of predators, except than unlike in the jungle where the predator will just kill you for food- his necessity for life… here the predators- Man will rape you, humiliate and demean you and then leave you for dead. This is not a need. He doesn’t need to rape you to survive. He just does it for sport!

Rape is not a sport. It shouldn’t be a video game. It shouldn’t be. And yet it is.

And when we protest, once again you beat us. we stand unarmed- begging for justice for one of our own and you lathi charge us and wear us down with water canons.

Are we that dangerous? Did our words hurt, humiliate or demean you? Did it, God forbid, rape you?!

No. That was us. We were raped. And then we were not allowed to complain.

To all my women friends… the men don’t care. They are not going to change or help in any way.Let’s look after ourselves and be safe. Let’s move in groups and be unafraid to yell, scream and run if we have the slightest feeling of danger…Pepper spray, karate, self defense- let’s stop looking at men to protect us. Let’s protect ourselves.

Men if you think you can protect us. Start. Start by castrating those bastards!

 

…cos it’s all in my head! ( aka what women want!)

that’s the difference often between happiness and the IDEAL of happiness….my husband taught me very early in life ( by default of course) that men have absolutely NO IDEA what you want, what you’re thinking or why you are in that obnoxious mood….you want to him to learn, you want him to know- TELL HIM!!!

Men are less complicated than we give them credit for and actually pretty straight forward. yes, sure some of them still have the wait 3 days before calling rule or the ‘pretending’ that their cool with you not being committed to them is kind of their only games and since we girls know the rules; these games are not the fairest of games!

So what do women want– men just ask them and women stop playing the ‘if you knew me, you would know…’ game and just blurt it out! stop imagining that one day he’s going to get it all ‘just right’, because he doesn’t know what ‘just right’ is unless you tell him at least once!!! And yup, just tell them. no games. i want commitment. i want coffee. i want to go to see a rom- com! i like birthdays!!! tell them what you want…its a heck of a lot easier and you’ll be a heck of a lot happier…because in time your man will keep it in mind and get everything ‘JUST RIGHT!’ …just the way you had it up in your head!!!

on the flip side maybe you’re¬†both wanting different things..isn’t it easier you know now than 5 years down the line!!! so talk, shout, COMMUNICATE!

it’s not their fault for screwing it up…if you don’t tell them what they screwed up in the first place…right!