F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I was never good at making friends. As gregarious and out going that I seem, most of it is a facade and those who know me know I am actually quite conscious of how I am viewed, worried about being judged by you and fiercely private about my thoughts and fears. Trust doesn’t come easily to me.

I started working at 16 and then became even more wary of ‘friends.’ They became transactional relationships. FRIENDS was a great concept on TV but for me that was it- fictional and a comedy- something that could not truly exist..

And then I changed.

Over the last few years I have started seeing people as different versions of me- each flawed, insecure, with their own set of fears, but just trying like I am to make the best of each day. And as I started seeing people for more than their Facebook profile/ status – I learnt that people could become more than humans who wandered in an out of your life- they could in fact become friends.

Now I’d love to give myself full credit for this realisation but in the spirit of honesty I must credit the husband , ever so little, for looking at my many flaws and loving them. When he peeled the many onion layers I had protecting me, and showed me that flaws aren’t all bad… I realised I could do the same for others.

Of course every so often you get a rotten , smelly onion- but I guess that’s the risk you take when you try to connect.

And in a world where we have more Facebook and Insta connections than real friends, I think you owe it to yourself to look for actual connections. Hate someone, love someone- but have some emotion for them!

P.s.. (Palat says)-: Connect. Offline.

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Don’t just Turn Up!

The last week was a medley of emotions for me… At first I had the Low- MS Lows are a little tough for me not because of Multiple sclerosis but because I find it difficult to get out of the funk. Add to that the miserable diet and crazy exercise routine continued. But what really got me is the fact that in life- most people just turned up for life and let it happen. They didn’t actually SHOW UP!

Now here’s the difference- turning up is what we do. We turn up to school, turn up to our job, turn up to parties or social engagements- but showing up- that’s totally different! Showing up is recognising you are there and going on and making a difference! It’s about making sure the day is better than when you came in… It’s about challenging yourself to do more, be more and really and truly enjoying and being present in the moment!

Sure, we can get through most of life on autopilot by just turning up. But who wants to go through moments, years and decades not having actually been or tried to have been the best version of themselves.

My chat at work was all about that- I have a team that I hope I can inspire, lead and learn from that I hope will all be able to look back at each day and feel that they made a difference or that they achieved something- anything. I hope that they enjoy each day for the uniqueness it brings and remember that every day brings opportunity and is a gift that they cannot get back—ever.

Once I started spring cleaning those who just were turning up as opposed to showing up- my mood changed cos you can’t allow the drifters to dictate your mood; you have to allow those that are present to. They deserve that and you deserve that too! The husband thinks that sometimes I expect too much from those in my life- but I believe that it’s my life and surely I can work to make it the best version of my life it can be! And so I will be there and present for this who are there and present for me.

We can’t ‘Groundhog Day’ our life. And to truly enjoy the every moment – surround yourself with people who also choose to be present- not just there but to be active and present in your life!

P.s. (Palat says)-:Don’t let people speed date your life- they must be present in your life and you in theirs. Don’t look at a day as something that must end- look at it as something you must be present for.

To all the liars out there…

I have been blessed over the last few years to have been able to eliminate the majority of the negative people in my life which has allowed more space for new, fabulous and positive people in…

These people inspire me to think every day. They inspire me to be better, do more, feel more and achieve more.

But every so often you’re given a blast from the past and are witness to some of the negative people you let go of and you are reminded about why they aren’t with you anymore. These are the people who will lie about you, will try and walk on top of you just to achieve some sense of achievement. And it makes me proud.

Proud that I left them.Proud that I did good.

I am without you for a reason.

I am sorry I still figure in your conversations. And you need to spin it, to make your self the  winner…!

I don’t need to spin anything any more.

I am surrounded by winners. I am surrounded by heroes. I am surrounded by people so incredible…I become a little more fabulous each day. I am surrounded by superstars and I don’t take anything away from them to make me feel better about my life cos it’s pretty perfect … especially now that you’re not in it! (sorry couldn’t risk the childish dig!)

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Today I feel good.

Start your day saying this.

Even on the days where everything hurts, nothing wants to wake up and where the bed is your only friend.

Today I feel good.

Say it when everything is going stupidly wrong and when no-one around you is even trying to make sense and all that you created or worked for is shot to hell.

Today I feel good.

When deadlines close in.When bosses are mean for no reason at all. When nothing makes sense.

Today I feel good…

Say it long enough and loud enough and guess what, you may just trick the universe in to giving you the most amazing day!

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Vote for…

On the eve of the most divisive election with all the mud slinging and name calling I realised one thing… that regardless of who you are and what place you have reached there’s always someone (or in most of our cases, more than a few people) who will HATE you. Yes, the capitalised BOLD— H-A-T-E.

So there’s a progression I’ve realised now- there are the critics… previously critics were unbiased individuals who gave their honest (not paid for) opinion and we’d all read, follow and listen to their recommendations, because it came from a place of passion and honesty.

Then with the internet, overnight everyone became a critic. Then there were the paid critics and those who honestly just wanted to be contrary and suddenly you didn’t know who or what to trust any more…

And the really angry critics they became the trolls… they used their hate of people/ movies/ race/ religion or just of life to bully, abuse and critique anything and everything….

And the truly angry trolls , they became the haters…vicious, mean, hurtful and not bothering about anyone or anything at all…spewing a path of destruction and anger….

And in the midst of all this hate… sensitive souls, teenagers and people with hearts were actually getting hurt- there were those taking their lives basis hurtful posts or trolls… There were kids hurting themselves, being shamed online and searching for outlets to release the hurt and pain , finding none and then becoming trolls themselves… a terrifying spiral of the worst of human  nature.

A few weeks ago, someone posted on her timeline “I want to kill myself.”- that post got 43 likes- WHAT?

No-one asked/ posted why?People didn’t reach out… they didn’t ask what was wrong… they LIKED IT!

I called her and found out that she’d had a truly miserable day and spoke to her till she was done venting… but I realised that in this extremely connected online community , with it’s very mean lean… I think the only way to keep your sanity is to just believe your perfect…

I am not going to be loved by everyone. I may not even be liked by some…. and online since you don’t know me at all, or may be you do- you might hate, comment, troll or just dislike me…

I can’t change how you feel.None of us can.

So in the midst of all the mudslinging and hate, I realised most of us have it easy…we’re not trolled relentlessly or hated with an unbridled undeserved passion.. but we may still get hurt by the silly comment or the backhanded statement made by a ‘friend’… forgot about it.

We’re perfect just the way we are… and if they can’t see it… there’s something wrong with them…!

While USA Votes Hilary or Trump…

I say Vote for yourself… Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and lets the critics , even those inside your head take a break for a day- You are perfect.

VOTE YOU!

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Don’t compare!

 

It was a world where all you had to beat was yourself…and then for those especially over-competitive souls , you had to beat your sibling or your neighbour and have the better car, the bigger house, the more glamorous vacation or be the first to marry!

And then came social networks and filters and suddenly you stopped competing or comparing your life to the 5 people you did know but now suddenly to the hundreds you didn’t!

They had the more interesting evenings, the better looking spouses , the more amazing vacations and even the more talented kids! They were ‘checking-in’ to more glamorous places, eating the most delicious food at the most expensive restaurant in the city or even luckier ,they were vacationing in far cooler cities ‘just for the weekend!’

And what you forgot was that under all the filters and the check-ins were normal, equally insecure people and like you, they too were probably comparing themselves to someone else, or maybe to you , even , and were not living up!

Maybe they were as insecure about your early night-ins because they didn’t have someone to come home to. Or were jealous of the fact that you were smiling for no reason at all… because they missed being carefree…

Maybe they’d have traded in portions of their lives to be exactly where you are now.

Happiness has always been the ultimate quest…. but lets get there our way instead of trying to run someone elses’ race for them!

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i love you. i hate you.

Those petty fights.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

You took too long on saying I love you. You think I’m fat? You don’t buy me anything. You forgot my birthday/ our date/ to meet me.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

Those petty fights.

You don’t care about me. You don’t listen. You shout too much. You nag to much. I hate your friends. You hate my drinking/ football/ work/ late nights.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

Those petty fights.

You left me alone. You yelled. You talked to her. I hate your ex. You hate my mom. I hate this car. I hate your hair. You hate my dress. You hate everything I wear.

Who was wrong? Who was right?

Those petty fights.

Every moment could be our last. Do we really want to go fighting or being fought with?Is it really important? Is that what we really mean to say?

I love you. I’m sorry. I tried. I mean well. You inspire me. You challenge me. I must be better for you.

Please. Love me. Thank you.