The Goodbyes…

And I have realised that every good bye is tough…

When I did plays – as much as I loved opening night and all the grandeur and excitement; it was always bitter-sweet. There’d be no more rehearsals, no more swapping stories and gossip, no more long coffee breaks and bloopers. The family that we created would graduate and move on to their own lives. Of course we’d meet for shows , much like families meet for the holidays and we’d have the quick catchups and the familiar laughs but there would now be a distance and it would never quite be the same.

But then before you know it there’d be a new show and a new family and the closeness and bonds would be forged again.

When I started expanding Balancing Act, it became the same. Each person was hand picked and chosen and I made them family over time and every time one left there was a part of me that missed the relationship we shared and another part excited about the new person/ people I would meet.

I now know that life is a journey. You will meet many people on the way. People come in to your life for many reasons. Some to help you , even when you didn’t know you needed help; some to teach you lessons – even the harshest or hardest of lessons and once you receive the help or learn from the lessons they will leave you and move on as their purpose has been served.

However there will be a few who will stay on and on and on, because both you and them will keep learning, growing and helping each other. And these are the people that you will find over time, that you will learn to value and who will always have your back. These are the people who are on your journey with you- so you will never be alone.

These are the people you won’t say goodbye to.

Look for these people. Treasure these people. Love these people.

P.s. (Palat says)-: Every good bye has a hello just waiting to happen!

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Help me!

“Help me!” – two words that have got such a bad reputation in the English language! “Help me!”- shows weakness.”Help me!”- shows inability. “Help me!”- is pathetic, laughable, unmanly,namby-pamby and just downright sad!

Instead of asking for help , it seems to make more sense to commit suicide, kill others, kill ourselves, commit divorce, burn children,abuse and hurt pets-those are the more acceptable solutions!

And I am angry. Not a shocker for those who know me….But now I’m really mad.

I do not want you to find a counselor or a support group or a really good friend- I want you to get help and be UNAFRAID TO ASK FOR IT!

In India we have always perceived those who’d seek a counselor’s help a little bit nuts… I mean you have to be a little mad to seek help that your friends and family can’t give you. I mean our parents never needed counseling- why the hell should we?!

But today is a different generation. We are a generation who don’t finish work at 6 p.m., who have to reply an email at 11:30 p.m. at night because that’s what ‘Smartphones ‘ are for, who have heart attacks in our 30’s because we’re a generation of plenty- plenty of food, technology AND stress! We are a generation who create smart Status Updates despite being laid off work or stuck with typhoid! We are a generation who misuse the words- “I’m fine”- because we don’t need pity, help, sad eyes! We are a generation who are anything but fine!

Our parents went home to family. They stopped work. They shared stresses. They had friends- some real friends that didn’t judge based on appearances. They had stresses. But they had people around to help.

I am angry some days. I am scared, tired, alone, afraid,outraged, shocked, violent. Some days I want to break a plate or 25 plates, or hit a wall or curl up and hide. And this is okay. Because I am human and it’s normal to feel a range of emotions – sometimes all at once and sometimes all in one day.

But let’s make it acceptable to ask for help. Talk to someone- friend, confidant, counselor- work out the stresses, the stressers, the anger, the pain. And let’s start healing before we keep exploding.

And as a friend to someone today when you ask them how they are- really mean it and… DON’T ACCEPT THE ANSWER -“I’m fine!”

fine

alone

alone: being without anyone else, solitary

It’s hard to feel alone in a world where we’re so connected. Gone are the days where you waited for a letter from someone you loved, or worried when someone you cared about came home late. A quick email with more emoticons than words can connect people across the globe in milliseconds and a mobile phone call ensures we always know where the people we care about are.

And yet we’re alone.

The 4 page letter on perfumed stationary has become a 2 line email and those long weekend phone conversations with family across the world has now become more of a chore than a delight , with phone conversations often lasting no more than a minute- after all they’re ‘just a phone call away.’

And so despite the connections,we never actually connect. It’s like each of us have these long powerful networks of wires but to actually connect with someone else’s wires might cause an electricity spark and shut us down. We’re so scared about connecting, so scared to feel and if in case we are one of those ‘sensitive ones’ who actually have feelings, then we’re petrified about sharing them.

And why is that? Because in this new, technologically advanced world of ours, appearance is everything and each of us live every day realising the power of marketing that appearance. Boys are taught not to cry. Girls mustn’t cry either, especially if they want to make it in the Corporate world. And so each of us market the best possible side of ourselves to all that we meet and never ever actually connect and never ever ever share!

They used to say that a race horse with a broken leg had to be shot and in truth most of us are like wounded race horses still running , smiling, walking and even jumping despite some incredible pain.

To hold the pain inside is not brave. To share it is.

The last weeks suicides shocked several and made me sad. But this is something that’s been happening for years, just the prevalence is now at an all time high. As per police stats in Mumbai the number of lives lost every day to suicide is THREE! Those are 3 people who were scared to be judged by you, 3 people scared of not being ‘perfect’ and 3 people who just couldn’t smile anymore.

So maybe the next time you see a smile that doesn’t quite reach the eyes, ask what’s wrong and maybe the next time you feel like crying , you reach out to someone (friend, family, counselor) and just have a good, good cry.

I know it’s difficult but often what’s on the surface is very different to what’s inside and though we may quote ‘never judge a book by it’s cover,’ we never actually practice it! So before you tear someone down based on appearance or just based on ‘how they seem,’ take a moment. Just like I’m sure deep inside you’d like to be loved and respected for who you actually are and how you really feel- maybe they deserve the same as well!

Take the time today and try and actually connecting. Start getting to know someone and let someone new start getting to know you.

You may not be so alone then.

 

is he the one & happy birthday aditya ;-) ( p.s. aditya IS the one…)

so….people (friends and blog readers…so also friends;-)) keep asking how you know…? how do you know if he’s the one? what is there’s someone just ’round the corner who’s better? do bells ring when you know you’re with the right one? does your heart skip a beat ( p.s. YES it skips many beats!!!!…you might think you have heart problems 😉 )?

HOW DO YOU KNOW!????

well i’ve always been a nerd…but sometimes in love and life that’s a good thing…I’d say make a list… an ideal person list! yup the fairytale variety and then start writing out the non negotiable and the negotiable…

for e.g.

NON NEGOTIABLE

  1. Male/ female
  2. Religion (if your religious)
  3. Family- how he treats his…./ or how he sees family…
  4. Where he wants to live (you can’t realistically live your entire lives in 2 different continents!)
  5. how does he/ she make you feel- does he make you smile!!! he definitely shouldn’t be the one making you cry….
  6. does he make you want to be a better person( even if ur pretty awesome …do you still wanna be better?)
  7. does he encourage you to achieve?
  8. is he part of your cheering squad!?? is he on your side??
  9. does he make you feel safe
  10. does he make you feel stronger?

etc. … you get the idea

NEGOTIABLE

  1. Looks (they go/ change/become better/ worse)
  2. Money (life changes as does the markets!)
  3. Night person/ morning person
  4. Cleanliness- YOU CAN CHANGE THAT! 😉
  5. Hobbies/ sports /…. you can get a hobby / play a sport together…. (that would be funner(yes thats my new word!))

Once you write your list -give it to your best friend and make sure they help you stick to it!!! or make sure you stick to it!!! Don’t ever change the non-negotiables cos you’ll always feel you’ve changed yourself or given up something and that will only make you feel negative…make you feel like you’ve compromised! The Negotiables- change/ cut/ add/ subtract–!

when you get someone good- grab them…with both hands and all your heart cos guess what they’re might be a hundred people better but there’s one person who’s ‘just right’ for you and you don’t wanna spend your whole life looking for the better opportunity and end up without someone to come home to….

remember he’s not a better job opportunity…he’s a person and with the right person…you can go all the way the top- workwise and happiness-wise!

in the same breath…happy birthday to my one…! we fight, we change, we move, we grow…but we do it together. thank you aditya…i love you.