To My Bullies…

And the city was rocked when a promising young Doctor took her life because of harassment and bullying by her fellow seniors. It put into perspective the fact that bullying was something that was accepted. People had seen her being bullied but nothing had been done. If it doesn’t happen to you- we adopt the ostrich mentality- we don’t see it!

And these bullies cost her what could have been a fabulously successful career, a happy marriage and a wonderful life.

We shame them now on social media and in the papers but it’s too little too late. When we see bullying we more often than not turn a blind eye to the issue unless the issue is us.

And then there’s the hidden bullying- the trolling where faceless , nameless bullies feel it’s okay to shame you. And we can all pretend that these people are cowards and that their words don’t sting- but truth be told-we might all have a witty , caustic reply- but to put it plainly- it’s just mean. It’s mean to bully. It’s mean to gang up on people. It’s not just cowardice. It’s downright nasty!

And is that who we’ve become? Are we so dissatisfied with our lives that we think it’s okay to hurt others? Are we that full of ourselves that we think it’s okay to critique others? Are we that hurtful, prideful and egotistical?

So here’s to all my bullies, I didn’t say anything then and it’s taken me time-but I now have my answer-:

  1. To those who pulled my pigtails and made fun of my plaits- my hair is even cooler now because I looked after it then! Most of you have lost hair or have none. Guess it isn’t so funny now?
  2. To those who called me a nerd- I was a nerd. Still am. Nerds are cool. I own it! It also helped me get admission at Stanford and more than a few Ivy Leagues- so ….
  3. To those who made fun of my crushes and teased me, it’s because I was open to love that I found love.
  4. To those who mocked my choice of profession – I get to wake up and do something I love every day. How many of us are actually that lucky?
  5. To those who made fun of me and how I look post my illness- I was left side paralysed after my first multiple sclerosis attack and have a brain tumour and I still do more than most. And am hotter than most- still.
  6. To the “fan” who wrote to me last week criticising and taunting me for looking different from my 17 year old self…. well you probably look a heck of a lot different from yourself 20 odd years ago…. and well read Point 5!

I didn’t get to sit with the cool kids then. I got bullied and laughed at. It hurt then. And often , when idiots like my “fan” wrote, it hurt now. I’d like to believe that I am stronger for the bullying- but honestly I’m just a little more jaded, a little more complex, a little less trusting, a lot less nice.

I’ve now rid myself of most of the complexes and I hope one day I and we can all rid ourselves from the bullies.

I forgive myself for hurting. One day I hope to forgive you.

But most of all I know that I will never be a bully and most importantly if I see someone being bullied, I promise myself- today and forever- I will stop it.

P.s. (Palat says)-: Don’t mourn my obituary. Make a difference to my life while I’m alive.


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#MoreThanALabel

Since I did my first professional play at 15, I got used to (well not used to…but got a taste of) criticism and labelling… Theatre was my salvation. It allowed me the freedom to be all that I wanted to be but come Monday morning, I had to return to reality and school and the label of being a #nerd #boring #bookish (all of which were said derogatorily , which I still don’t understand) and #ugly ! But those were simpler times. In school you are often labeled or bullied and that helps create strength of character, build your confidence and give you the strength to face the world… and so I did.

Shooting a reality show recently #SketchtoStore …I found everyone dreaming of becoming a label and thats when it struck me- today is a world of labels. Most of those labels are created with silly hashtags and are tweeted, instagrammed and facebooked…. and most of them are not positive… they are downright mean! In a world of labels does being a label mean so much when we can now make any word/ set of words a label with just a simple hashtag. Also, wasn’t I lucky I grew up at a time when calling me a name, didn’t allow you to tweet it or post it on my wall.

In the public eye there is never a day where I can please everyone… I am #DragonPalat (yup this was tweeted), #fat to others #sick to some (because of the MS) a #celebrity (said in a negative way) to a third. To the trolls I answered, to the ready-to-be-converted I tried my best to convert you to be my friend… But in a world of #labels , I found my self terrified…I am unapproachable to most, terrifying to some… but to those who get to know me or just even say hello… I’m actually funny, interesting, silly, smart and fiercely loyal.

Unfortunately the polite words never make for good hashtags :)! So the next time you’d like to #label someone… meet them instead. I have found that people are so much more than their labels… and it’s always a fabulous revelation!

 

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is he the one & happy birthday aditya ;-) ( p.s. aditya IS the one…)

so….people (friends and blog readers…so also friends;-)) keep asking how you know…? how do you know if he’s the one? what is there’s someone just ’round the corner who’s better? do bells ring when you know you’re with the right one? does your heart skip a beat ( p.s. YES it skips many beats!!!!…you might think you have heart problems 😉 )?

HOW DO YOU KNOW!????

well i’ve always been a nerd…but sometimes in love and life that’s a good thing…I’d say make a list… an ideal person list! yup the fairytale variety and then start writing out the non negotiable and the negotiable…

for e.g.

NON NEGOTIABLE

  1. Male/ female
  2. Religion (if your religious)
  3. Family- how he treats his…./ or how he sees family…
  4. Where he wants to live (you can’t realistically live your entire lives in 2 different continents!)
  5. how does he/ she make you feel- does he make you smile!!! he definitely shouldn’t be the one making you cry….
  6. does he make you want to be a better person( even if ur pretty awesome …do you still wanna be better?)
  7. does he encourage you to achieve?
  8. is he part of your cheering squad!?? is he on your side??
  9. does he make you feel safe
  10. does he make you feel stronger?

etc. … you get the idea

NEGOTIABLE

  1. Looks (they go/ change/become better/ worse)
  2. Money (life changes as does the markets!)
  3. Night person/ morning person
  4. Cleanliness- YOU CAN CHANGE THAT! 😉
  5. Hobbies/ sports /…. you can get a hobby / play a sport together…. (that would be funner(yes thats my new word!))

Once you write your list -give it to your best friend and make sure they help you stick to it!!! or make sure you stick to it!!! Don’t ever change the non-negotiables cos you’ll always feel you’ve changed yourself or given up something and that will only make you feel negative…make you feel like you’ve compromised! The Negotiables- change/ cut/ add/ subtract–!

when you get someone good- grab them…with both hands and all your heart cos guess what they’re might be a hundred people better but there’s one person who’s ‘just right’ for you and you don’t wanna spend your whole life looking for the better opportunity and end up without someone to come home to….

remember he’s not a better job opportunity…he’s a person and with the right person…you can go all the way the top- workwise and happiness-wise!

in the same breath…happy birthday to my one…! we fight, we change, we move, we grow…but we do it together. thank you aditya…i love you.