The Goodbyes…

And I have realised that every good bye is tough…

When I did plays – as much as I loved opening night and all the grandeur and excitement; it was always bitter-sweet. There’d be no more rehearsals, no more swapping stories and gossip, no more long coffee breaks and bloopers. The family that we created would graduate and move on to their own lives. Of course we’d meet for shows , much like families meet for the holidays and we’d have the quick catchups and the familiar laughs but there would now be a distance and it would never quite be the same.

But then before you know it there’d be a new show and a new family and the closeness and bonds would be forged again.

When I started expanding Balancing Act, it became the same. Each person was hand picked and chosen and I made them family over time and every time one left there was a part of me that missed the relationship we shared and another part excited about the new person/ people I would meet.

I now know that life is a journey. You will meet many people on the way. People come in to your life for many reasons. Some to help you , even when you didn’t know you needed help; some to teach you lessons – even the harshest or hardest of lessons and once you receive the help or learn from the lessons they will leave you and move on as their purpose has been served.

However there will be a few who will stay on and on and on, because both you and them will keep learning, growing and helping each other. And these are the people that you will find over time, that you will learn to value and who will always have your back. These are the people who are on your journey with you- so you will never be alone.

These are the people you won’t say goodbye to.

Look for these people. Treasure these people. Love these people.

P.s. (Palat says)-: Every good bye has a hello just waiting to happen!

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#NoFailResolutions

So it’s that time of year when Resolutions have been made and more than a few have been already broken…The year has started and we’re in a ‘Same %&## , different year’ mood…!

But before you give up hope and start counting the 50 odd weeks left for the next new year…I thought of some Resolutions that you should make, can keep and will make you feel pretty good about it!

Resolutions for myself

  1. I will look after me. I will love me. I will pamper me. Because I love and wish to look after myself I will try and eat better so I can spend more time looking after me. I will not punish myself if I mess up on a day or two because I love me and I am making a resolution to look after myself- not by punishment but with love and faith.
  2. I will do one thing every day that makes me happy.  Life is too short to go thru it in a rut and then suddenly find that you are too old to enjoy all of the things you should have enjoyed when you were younger. So everyday… even I start talking to a friend that I haven’t spoken to in years or meeting someone over coffee… I will do something that makes me happy!
  3. Spend more time with those I love.  It’s special to love and to be loved. it’s important to recognise that and not take it all for granted so I will make sure I spend time with those I love and let them spend time loving, fretting and looking after me. A loved soul makes for a happy soul!

Resolutions for work

  1. I will challenge myself. I understand that I may be happy with how well things are going… but I will set new targets and will aim to achieve them. I will not be hard on myself if every thing doesn’t automatically fall in to place… but I will never stop dreaming and never stop trying.
  2. I have a dream and I will keep at it. I had dreams when I was younger of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do…I will start dreaming all over again and make those dreams come true… slowly, steadily but surely!
  3. I will stop work.  A 20 hour day doesn’t make me more efficient than a person who can achieve the same in fewer hours. I will set goals for myself that are reasonable and then as I complete them I will stop. Sometimes a break can help you work more effectively.  I will work smarter not longer!

These were just some basics that are almost #NoFailResolutions. They are easy, possible, thought provoking and can be expanded upon! And most of all… you can’t break them…

I’m making my 2014 about ME. You should make it about you too!

 

Confessions of a Commitment-Phobe

Commitment-phobes come in all shapes, sizes and colours…! The nicest of people when in fear of finding something meaningful and lasting become like a caged animal and attack all that is good, caring and protective suddenly…and you , who only wanted to look after and love them are suddenly snapped at, scratched and even bitten. Hurt- you retire wounded and the commitment-phobe rests in a corner ready to attack again if asked to commit!

A self confessed commitment-phobe, it took a while for my Cancerian boy to break thru all the many boundaries I set up for him. If ever he came close to asking for a commitment , I ran the other way blindly and he quickly learnt how to wait for me to get tired and stop running so I could run straight back to him.

He listened to my silly fears. He allowed me the freedom to run away never being more than an arms distance away…so when I knew it was a bad idea I could collapse into his open arms and complain about the freedom that I had demanded!

And that’s how you deal with us….!

I am Divya and I am a commitment-phobe. I am afraid of getting hurt, afraid of sharing, afraid of caring and terrified of love. But when I do care- i give you my heart and my soul. I promise you love, loyalty and trust and a life time of adventure! I won’t be tied down… but if you give me freedom, I won’t abuse it…I just need to know you trust me enough to let me go and are smart enough to realise that if you let me fly, I’ll keep flying close to you and keep checking that you’re still around to look after me, love me and stay with me.

You’re beautiful* (*Conditions apply)

Courtesy Divya Palat’s Times of India Celebrity Blog 

You’re too fat, too skinny, too anorexic, too curvy. Your hair is too straight, too curly, too messy, too styled, too black, too red! You’re out of fashion, you’re too much of a wannabe! If you’re a celebrity, it seems nothing you do will ever be perfect and then you blame the celebrities for airbrushing photographs or for fighting for privacy! How are they to keep their sanity with the unending glare of the harshest of spotlights on them?

The week started with a photograph of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan leaving a party. A new mother, she had come to the party as a guest and to represent her family. Immediately her weight was front page news! Is she too fat? Is she retiring? Is she not planning to lose the baby weight? Give her a break! She was at a party! She wasn’t trying to romance you on screen or pretend to be an 18 year old college student in a new movie…she was at a party just having a good time! As an actress critique her work, her looks, her performance on screen. On the red carpet, talk about her fashion, her style, her makeup but when she’s at a party with friends and is not the ‘Actress Aishwarya’ or the ‘Miss World Aishwarya’ surely then we can reserve our comments. She must be critiqued, but critique her in her work. Personal lives for a celebrity may make for good gossip but surely we can give a new mother a few months or years off to just enjoy her new family? Surely we can be less harsh.

The end of the week was almost the same. Sachin Tendulkar’s photograph in a retro shirt went viral with people making fun of his hairstyle, his fashion sense and even him! Newspapers knew that this would once again sell and so he was front page news. And front page news for what? Because you didn’t like his hairstyle and didn’t like his shirt? So? He never claimed to be a fashionista or a model!! Critique him on his cricket, his career, his decisions but hitting out at someone because of how they look I believe is pathetic, weak ,spineless and thoughtless!

You hide behind the guise of a fan or a well wisher and you hit a person where it hurts most for no reason at all and tomorrow though your news is just yesterday’s news, the hurt is always remembered!

I get so angry about this because when I got sick I was on a very high dosage of steroids for months on end! I had lost use of my  left side completely and had to re-learn everything from smiling, to walking , to even seeing properly. Steroids make you put on weight and that weight takes time to knock off and the effects of steroids cause many other scary side effects (many which I unfortunately went through). My first event post my illness was a the opening of my best friend’s restaurant. I went to support him with the extra weight and stayed for about 30 minutes. I wasn’t allowed to stay longer. The following day in the newspapers comments and jokes were made about my weight. These newspapers were hidden from me then by my family and Aditya, because I was in too fragile a state and any amount of stress could trigger a relapse. I did however read them when I opened a drawer by mistake looking for a stapler a few months later.

It hurt. You didn’t attack my shows or my work. You attacked me. You hid behind a paper, hid behind a curtain of words and fired a machine gun straight at me. It still hurts! Yes, maybe we should all get thicker skin, maybe we should all stop caring about what people say or what people write but honestly when a reporter asks me, as she did this week- ”after you put on weight, after your illness, and your beauty went, did your perception of beauty change?,”I had to take a moment to ease that painful lump in the throat and give an appropriate answer without losing my temper.

To all the faceless critics out there-:

Aishwarya won Miss World, did you?

Sachin Tendulkar is arguably the world’s greatest cricketer, are you?

I survived death, have you?

If you can’t, haven’t or aren’t maybe take a moment in someone else’s shoes and show a little more class, a little more respect and a little restraint when writing!

After all there would be a lot less news without them…so instead of looking at just selling a single day’s newspaper, start looking at the big picture!

P.s. (Palat says)-: If you have nothing nice to say about someone , do the world and yourself a favour , just SHUT UP!

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