Expecting NOT to Expect

Expectation is the root of all heartache

William Shakespeare.

Those of us who believe we don’t expect anything from anyone are lying to ourselves. We expect love and support from our friends and family. We expect growth and satisfaction from our jobs. We expect belief, trust, security and help. We expect dreams to come true and love stories to just happen. We expect.

And then we’re shocked when we’re stabbed in the back by ‘friends’ , hurt by loved ones, not trusted by work-mates and saddened that our dreams have to continuously evolve and even then may never come true. Easier said than done- stop expecting.

And if you think the external expectations that we have are hard, well take a good hard look inside. Often it is OUR EXPECTATIONS of OURSELVES that let us down even more than the expectations we have of others.

We expect to reach the top and whereas our fathers and grandfathers enjoyed a steady and positive growth in a company that they chose to work with for 15, 20 or even 30 years we need  to be at the top yesterday and if that doesn’t happen we shift job,we shift career and we work harder to be at the top at the cost of our health , our families and our happiness!

We expect the perfect spouse and hold them and ourselves to such ridiculous expectations and criteria that we both fail and end up in a bitter marriage or any even more painful divorce.

The solution? Well to stop expecting is not really an option but may be we can cut ourselves and others around us some slack. These are some truths-:

  1. Dating is hard. Marriage is harder. They both require work. When the make up is off and at the end of a bad day- all you have left is the both of you without any pretence and charade and that’s the truth. You are not going to wake up every morning perfect and he’s not going to come home every evening happy. Expect this.
  2. Don’t give your trust to everyone. Everyone may not be worth it. Even with friends, hold a little back/ Don’t expect them to hold all your confidences or bear all your burdens. That’s unrealistic. Open up slowly. Trust less. Make stronger bonds with a few.
  3. Work hard and ensure that your bosses and you know your worth. DON’T EXPECT a raise or a promotion. Ensure they know your worth and ensure YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH. This will give greater job satisfaction and also benefit your company. An unhappy employee makes for an unhappy company. If you feel you deserve more, before jumping ship and leaving the company- tell them. Give them a chance to live up to your expectations. They will only know of your expectations if you tell them!
  4. Be realistic of what you can do in a day , in a week, in a month. And make others aware so that neither you nor they over-expect from you. Aim for the stars but be prepared for the sick days, the setbacks, the days where everything goes wrong and take every moment one step at a time.
  5. Do not expect others to work to your time just because you do. Stop expecting others to live up  to your standards WITHOUT lowering your standards.
  6. TELL PEOPLE YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF THEM. Don’t EXPECT THEM TO GUESS!
  7. Be realistic in your expectations! You wanted to be able to live through some of them not die of a heart attack trying to achieve any of them.
  8. Give WITHOUT expectation. That way you’ll always be surprised.
  9. Love WITHOUT expectation. That way you’ll find love.
  10. Work on your dream WITHOUT expectation. That way your dream may come true :)!

 

 

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The Love List!

 

 

So there comes in time in every relationship when you make ‘the list.’ The list is all the guys/ girls you’ve dated and then what you actually want on the other side! And what’s really funny (and I think a personal joke for Fate!) is that who you end up with  may have just a few or none of the things on your very dramatic first list! 😉 So to make a more realistic list here’s what I think should be on it!

Forget about the looks …looks come, looks go…! Looks fade and now looks can be completely altered….! So that’s just transient! Now I’m writing about a guy…but the same list applies for men…just change the gender !

  1. Does he challenge you? Not to a duel or fighting match…but can he match wits with you… Can he talk first? Can he bring up interesting things to do? Does he argue with you and challenge you to think, to feel ,to accomplish?
  2. Does he make you smile? He doesn’t need to be a comedian or juggler….but can he make you smile…even when he’s not around. Take a moment to think of him….now- did you smile?
  3. Does he encourage you to take chances…even when you’re afraid cos you know he’;ll be there like a landing mat if you came crashing down ! Playing safe is okay in life but sometimes a little bit of crazy can really bond two people together…so does he make you feel you can accomplish your crazy dreams!?
  4. Does he fight for you?!? Not a physical fight or even a verbal fight but if push came to shove which side of the line would he be on? Would he be by your side or move away cos he doesn’t like a scene? You want the one who’ll be with you when your down to make sure you can be down but never out!
  5. Does he share some of your interests ? That’s a great talking point and a great bonding point!
  6. Can he do NOTHING with you? Just a day vegging out or sleeping or watching TV or not talking…can he be there by your side and most importantly does it still feel comfortable?
  7. Can you be comfortable with him- leave you hair loose, put on shorts, watch idol and cry and can he be comfortable with you- swear at the tv, watch a match with the same intensity as if he were playing it, fight with you knowing that you won’t leave…. Can you be honest?
  8. Can you create a gibberish language and still understand each other…or look at him and know what he’s thinking…do you take the time to connect? Do you want to?
  9. Do you respect him? Relationships are formed with respect. Make sure you respect yourself but make sure you respect him too… Without respect there’s no real relationship.
  10. When you hold hands does it all seem to make sense…

 

If some of this makes sense to you…add it in your list….I think you’ll find that this list is way cooler  than a list which just has his earning potential, his looks, his cars, her measurements, her legs, her eyes… 😉 you get the drift!

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