The Imperfect Fit

I was never part of any clique (group)- popular or unpopular – I just didn’t belong.

I’ve never been the perfect fit anywhere I think. I’ve always been the one who is a bit too loud, a bit too ambitious, a bit ott romantic. I produced theatre for 18 years but was never arty enough. I won awards globally but then I was far too artsy. I topped school but wasn’t nerdy enough. I did ads but was never a model, acted in films but was never a film actor, never a girly girl or a tomboy. I just didn’t fit in.

And on most days, I’ve been okay about standing out… even proclaimed (bravely) that I relished being a loner… but this was one of the days where I just felt like a school girl who nobody wanted to sit with. It wasn’t even a major deal but in the company of my husband – a popular kid and a former head boy and just a person who fits perfectly everywhere and my puppy- another absolutely stellar creature who makes friends in seconds and is an absolute must at any social event 🙂 I felt like the broken training wheel of a perfect bicycle.

And so sadly I went up to my (much) better half (yes, I was in one of those self sacrificing, sad moods) and asked him how we worked; he seemed bewildered by the question. In his eyes, I am the ‘don’t care a damn’ fighter chick, who’ll take on any person/challenge head on and win! I’m the person who loves with all my heart, will fight with all my soul and will never shy away from any thing or any one. In his eyes, where everyone works so hard at trying to fit in, to be loved , to be heard– he loved that I was an honest perfect fit. “With you,” he said “everyone knows who they’ve got! There’s no pretence just truth” He also , and I say this knowing he’ll read my blog and go the perfect shade of tomato; said, he wanted to be more like me sometimes!

That got me thinking, were we all worried we didn’t fit in perfectly, and was fit that important? I mean just because we didn’t fit within our own idea of what the perfect fit was… did that really make a difference? I mean in my oddball, weird way, I seem to fit perfectly with my more popular family members. In fact I was more often than not the head of this enviable clique! And wasn’t that the point of cliques anyway- to find a place for you to belong? And if I do belong with my peeps… did I really need more cliques?

Satisfied that I was indeed with the best group created ever, I looked around. We’re all trying to fit in and find place for ourselves in this crazy, mad, over filled world. But if we just stop for a moment and ensure that who we are fits perfectly with how we feel and what we believe and then find people who like us for our honest selves- then we’ve actually beat the system and we’ve actually found our perfect ‘fits.’

P.s. (Palat says)-: Look for the work or friend groups that let you be exactly who you are ;that way you’ll never be out of fit or out of style!

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The Big Fight

They call Life – the ‘rat-race!’ They call Life-‘a fight’; ‘a struggle!’ They glorify fighting for what you believe in and sometimes in all the madness of fighting, you forget what you’re fighting for.

They tell you that you must ‘Fight for love’ and Fight for your dream’ and then ‘Fight to stay alive and afloat!’ And they forget that in the midst of all this fighting, it stops becoming fun and just becomes something you keep doing- pushing your head against an endless wall of pain because that’s what you’ve been conditioned to.

We’re not taught to believe. We’re taught to FIGHT to believe. We’re not taught to love. We’re taught to FIGHT for love. We’re not taught to succeed . We’re taught to FIGHT to succeed.

And then they wonder where all this aggression and anger comes from. Soldiers fight a war at the borders. We fight a war with ourselves every day. We’ve taken out the fun in life, love, relationships, beliefs and friendships… it’s a war and apparently we HAVE TO WIN! Life’s not about the fun of competition or the joy of the experience- it’s a war and you have to fight to stay alive!

Right from childhood , you are taught to fight- fight hard, even fight dirty. This is ingrained in school , at home and even in sports. We don’t spend the same time spending people to respect, to love, to acknowledge, to see… that’s all a waste of time! And so our aggression is fine tuned till it’s almost inherent in every cell of our bodies.

Well I’m tired. I’m out. I’m out of the fight.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop working or achieving- this just means I’m going to have fun doing it! I’m not fighting you, I’m too busy propping myself up…I’m too busy ENCOURAGING ME TO BE ME… and I’m not going to fight you because that war is not worth my energy or my time!

I’m done. I win! :)… guess the conditioning takes a while longer to rub off!

 

Keep the Faith

The last week we were having a discussion with friends… a friend of mine proudly said that she was supposed to get very lucky this week…astrologically! She was supposed to ‘win a huge amount of money in a lottery!’ That sounded just perfect to her husband except he said … well she was going to have to BUY the lottery ticket to even have a chance of winning! That would be at least half the battle, if of course, she chose to believe her ‘psychic!’

That got me to thinking… he was right! To win the lottery..you’ve got to buy the ticket! To fall in love… you have to meet someone/ go out on a date/ make a new friend/ find a new hobby/ trust someone new! Any thing that involves any sort of achievement needs a LEAP OF FAITH! From making a friend, to starting a new business, to falling in love, to marriage… any thing that’s worth it -requires you to make the first step! It requires you to TRY! It requires you to BELIEVE.It requires you to PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE and make the ATTEMPT!

You may fall flat on your face- once , twice…. even more! But to achieve greatness, to achieve love, to achieve friendship, to achieve happiness, to win the lottery even ;)- you gotta have faith!

Faith is a tricky thing. We’d bet money on horses, put money on cards …even put money in the fourth cousin’s business idea but we seldom put faith in ourselves. We seem so normal, so usual, so unexciting- we can’t be poised for greatness……… BUT WE ARE! We are each poised for something great. We are each capable of brilliance. We are each capable of crossing boundaries, shattering myths, creating new ideas and touching the sky- if only we had FAITH.

Try, try and try again but keep the faith while trying!

They say you never know it;s going to be the worst day of your life…but then again you never know it’s going to be the BEST DAY EITHER!

So keep the faith , cross your fingers and enjoy every moment- TODAY MAY BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!

The Love List!

 

 

So there comes in time in every relationship when you make ‘the list.’ The list is all the guys/ girls you’ve dated and then what you actually want on the other side! And what’s really funny (and I think a personal joke for Fate!) is that who you end up with  may have just a few or none of the things on your very dramatic first list! 😉 So to make a more realistic list here’s what I think should be on it!

Forget about the looks …looks come, looks go…! Looks fade and now looks can be completely altered….! So that’s just transient! Now I’m writing about a guy…but the same list applies for men…just change the gender !

  1. Does he challenge you? Not to a duel or fighting match…but can he match wits with you… Can he talk first? Can he bring up interesting things to do? Does he argue with you and challenge you to think, to feel ,to accomplish?
  2. Does he make you smile? He doesn’t need to be a comedian or juggler….but can he make you smile…even when he’s not around. Take a moment to think of him….now- did you smile?
  3. Does he encourage you to take chances…even when you’re afraid cos you know he’;ll be there like a landing mat if you came crashing down ! Playing safe is okay in life but sometimes a little bit of crazy can really bond two people together…so does he make you feel you can accomplish your crazy dreams!?
  4. Does he fight for you?!? Not a physical fight or even a verbal fight but if push came to shove which side of the line would he be on? Would he be by your side or move away cos he doesn’t like a scene? You want the one who’ll be with you when your down to make sure you can be down but never out!
  5. Does he share some of your interests ? That’s a great talking point and a great bonding point!
  6. Can he do NOTHING with you? Just a day vegging out or sleeping or watching TV or not talking…can he be there by your side and most importantly does it still feel comfortable?
  7. Can you be comfortable with him- leave you hair loose, put on shorts, watch idol and cry and can he be comfortable with you- swear at the tv, watch a match with the same intensity as if he were playing it, fight with you knowing that you won’t leave…. Can you be honest?
  8. Can you create a gibberish language and still understand each other…or look at him and know what he’s thinking…do you take the time to connect? Do you want to?
  9. Do you respect him? Relationships are formed with respect. Make sure you respect yourself but make sure you respect him too… Without respect there’s no real relationship.
  10. When you hold hands does it all seem to make sense…

 

If some of this makes sense to you…add it in your list….I think you’ll find that this list is way cooler  than a list which just has his earning potential, his looks, his cars, her measurements, her legs, her eyes… 😉 you get the drift!

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what no one ever told you about love (and what you might as well learn!)

so it’s moo- day again! ( moo- cos it’s the monday morning blues!— the MOO’S!)

so yup the mush-pot in me writes yet another blog post about love….but here’s the thing i’m writing about some of my life or no…LOVE lessons! 2o-some things u can learn from me… and my mistakes/ adventures! 😉

Lessons you learn about love! (sorry aditya …again, for using our life as fodder for my blog!)

  1. guys like the chase…they may say the don’t….but they do….! another fact- most girls like to be chased as well!
  2. the chase mustn’t stop once you get with the guy/ girl…keep the chase going…the journey becomes more interesting!
  3. men and women sleep at different times! to sleep at the same time…you have to re-program yourself and most times you still end up staring at the ceiling!
  4. you can never go too big when it comes to expressing your love. you can go too small….
  5. saying ‘i love you’ is often more of a big deal for men than it is for women
  6. the first year of marriage is hard…it involves long nights yelling, plate throwing and tons of temper tantrums…once you get thru year 1…you’re too tired and too broke to continue the madness! 😉
  7. find stuff that you can both do together… it’s important to share common interests!
  8. laugh…. it’s important to not take every criticism seriously or every comment to heart!
  9. go on dates…you don’t’ have to stop woo-ing once you get the girl… keep the woo-ing alive!
  10. you may not love the people he/she loves …but you gotta hate the ones they hate!!! that makes them know that you’re on the same side!
  11. fight! fight’s are good! they help you retain your individuality ….at the same time de-stress you!
  12. play. play a game , a sport, a board game… something… but play together!
  13. dress up nice…not just to go out for a party but to impress your partner…even if you’ve been with him/ her forever!
  14. make your partner your best friend…it’s tough and it involves spilling lots of ‘blackmailable’ secrets and him/ her laughing at you quite a bit…but it’s worth it to make a new best friend and one that will stick with you forever!
  15. a little call saying ‘i love you’ in the middle of the day can brighten up a rough day….so pick up that phone!
  16. it’s nice having someone you can do nothing with!
  17. marriage is a great option when you think of rising petrol prices… no more dropping your date home 😉
  18. not all women love kids and not all men hate them!
  19. men cry
  20. creating comfortable living rooms often make the threat of ‘ur sleeping on the couch’ pretty useless!!!!
  21. don’t change for anyone… and never give up on anything that makes you feel you’ve ‘compromised’ …else you’ll always dream of the person you were and always regret the things you gave up….so don’t…
  22. love must make you feel good about yourself…else there’s no point in being in love!
  23. the day he raises his voice, get help….the day he raises his hand- GET OUT!