The Imperfect Fit

I was never part of any clique (group)- popular or unpopular – I just didn’t belong.

I’ve never been the perfect fit anywhere I think. I’ve always been the one who is a bit too loud, a bit too ambitious, a bit ott romantic. I produced theatre for 18 years but was never arty enough. I won awards globally but then I was far too artsy. I topped school but wasn’t nerdy enough. I did ads but was never a model, acted in films but was never a film actor, never a girly girl or a tomboy. I just didn’t fit in.

And on most days, I’ve been okay about standing out… even proclaimed (bravely) that I relished being a loner… but this was one of the days where I just felt like a school girl who nobody wanted to sit with. It wasn’t even a major deal but in the company of my husband – a popular kid and a former head boy and just a person who fits perfectly everywhere and my puppy- another absolutely stellar creature who makes friends in seconds and is an absolute must at any social event ­čÖé I felt like the broken training wheel of a perfect bicycle.

And so sadly I went up to my (much) better half (yes, I was in one of those self sacrificing, sad moods) and asked him how we worked; he seemed bewildered by the question. In his eyes, I am the ‘don’t care a damn’ fighter chick, who’ll take on any person/challenge head on and win! I’m the person who loves with all my heart, will fight with all my soul and will never shy away from any thing or any one. In his eyes, where everyone works so hard at trying to fit in, to be loved , to be heard– he loved that I was an honest perfect fit. “With you,” he said “everyone knows who they’ve got! There’s no pretence just truth” He also , and I say this knowing he’ll read my blog and go the perfect shade of tomato; said, he wanted to be more like me sometimes!

That got me thinking, were we all worried we didn’t fit in perfectly, and was fit that important? I mean just because we didn’t fit within our own idea of what the perfect fit was… did that really make a difference? I mean in my oddball, weird way, I seem to fit perfectly with my more popular family members. In fact I was more often than not the head of this enviable clique! And wasn’t that the point of cliques anyway- to find a place for you to belong? And if I do belong with my peeps… did I really need more cliques?

Satisfied that I was indeed with the best group created ever, I looked around. We’re all trying to fit in and find place for ourselves in this crazy, mad, over filled world. But if we just stop for a moment and ensure that who we are fits perfectly with how we feel and what we believe and then find people who like us for our honest selves- then we’ve actually beat the system and we’ve actually found our perfect ‘fits.’

P.s. (Palat says)-: Look for the work or friend groups that let you be exactly who you are ;that way you’ll never be out of fit or out of style!

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Would you still love me if you knew me?

 

I am a bundle of contradictions. I am stubborn, bull headed , hard nosed and appear very all-together but I cry during every episode of X factor and most episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. I hate mornings,love evenings. I hate the cold but love the snow! I love the beach and sea but have to have a shower before getting in and minutes after getting out! I’m a neat freak and obsessive compulsive over so many things!I love the madness and excitement of vacations but have to plan every hour of my vacation in my head and then make colour coded lists and file it just for me to have fun. I love fun but like for it to be scheduled fun! I’m angry, soft-hearted, a worry-wart and at the same time impetuous!

Would you still love me if you knew me?

All of us have so many amazing qualities and at the same time so many qualities that are just downright annoying. When you are in a relationship or have found a partner who will tolerate the good with the bad- hold on to them! As amazing as you think you are ,have several qualities that maybe just a little less amazing ! If they can look past your bad and highlight your good- they are a keeper!

I often find friends who say “He/she is amazing…but…” There will always be a but…BUT guess what in your list of attributes there’s a ‘but’ there as well! And if they can look past that surely you can see past their seemingly annoying qualities!

Some qualities are non-negotiables though. If their bad quality is an addiction (alcohol, drugs etc)- leave them. Help them get help and leave them! Let them be helped by professionals and then re-look at the relationship only when you have also understood how much work will go in to having a relationship with an addict. If they abuse you (physically or verbally) – LEAVE! They need help and you don’t need to be a punching bag so leave…When they say ’till death do us part…’ they don’t mean for your partner to actually kill you.

Don’t look for your romantic movie hero/ heroine cause he might be right in front of you. He / she may not come up on a horse or have violins playing in the background every time you see them but remember movies end and reality starts and if you see the person you’re with as the romantic lead in your life, your movie will always have a happily ever after!

So beyond the non-negotiables…if your partner is not neat, is a mountain person, snores a bit or leaves empty dishes in the fridge…remember you’re not perfect either…so cut him some slack and take a second to enjoy the fact that you are loved – by another person and he/ she loves you just the way you are, because of the way you are!

Love is hard-Tips and tricks to keep love alive!

 

The fairytale  romances you grew up listening to is not real love.

The romantic comedies almost never happen in real life.

Movies and books make love look easy. In reality they spoil us- they make us think that when you meet Mr. or Ms. Right, life just finds a way of working out with perfect background music and violins strumming and white birds flying magically past! In reality the moment you do find that person is usually fraught with drama, wrong decisions and tons of silliness and once you finish the drama and make up your mind- then real life takes over.

Responsibilities, your career, your home, your job, your life all suddenly also take their moment in the spotlight and before you know it the honeymoon is over and it’s wet towels and nagging that become your day.

But before you lose the romance, maybe make some time to be young again. Take the time to remember what you loved about your partner and more importantly what your partner loved about you. So though you may not be able to stay up or party till 2 am anymore maybe you can still do Date night and lunch rendezvous. Maybe you can still dress up for a night just with your partner or bring her breakfast in bed every so often. Maybe you can buy her flowers or buy him that book he’s been dying to read. Maybe you can shop together, coffee together or cook together. You can’t bring back the first blush of romance but ┬ámaybe you can make sure you never let the flame douse in dishwater and soggy towels and die.

My tips and tricks for a die hard romantic (like myself!!! Yup some of us never learn!)

  1. Do a date night! Just the 2 of you- no friends needed! AND DRESS UP! When you dated you waxed your legs and he combed his hair and dressed up. Make sure you look sensational- just for your date!
  2. Sneak out for a lunch rendezvous in between the week. Lunch break is an hour….spend it with your partner. Escape the monotony of work and enjoy a mid week lunch together. It makes work fun and the week less gloomy!
  3. Exercise together. Run, gym, walk the dogs…enjoy a morning of good exercise, great adrenalin and some happy endorphins!
  4. Take at least one holiday together. Plan it together, pack together and just learn to put aside work and stress and just enjoy each others company!
  5. Give him / her one surprise every week. They’ll be expecting a surprise …and be excited and you’ll be thinking of how to surprise them This can be as simple as flowers or breakfast in bed but it’s fun and it keeps a great energy thru the week!
  6. Say ┬á‘I Love You.’ I know you probably know it and I know your partner knows it too…but say it…It just makes him/her know you’re thinking of them!
  7. CALL. Even on work days- talk at least twice through the day just to check up- just to say you care!

These are just 7 off the top of my head..there are plenty more…

Drop me a line or add your own tip. I’d love to hear from you.

Also on the left side of your screen is a SUBSCRIBE BUTTON! Do SUBSCRIBE! I’d love to hear, talk and learn about love, life and all the drama it brings from you!

Risky romance!

Zdnet the most annoying web hosting server ever and so last week all the updates that I had made for the last 2 months were thrown to waste!!!!

This is possibly the third time in 2 years they’ve wiped out all updates and when I return to Mumbai I shall have to redo all my work- kind of like cleaning up a house and then some idiot throwing a kegger and then NOT cleaning up after!!!

WHEN I RETURN
 

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Currently I am in a private paradise celebrating my SIXTH anniversary with Aditya!

The day started with Breakfast in bed ( my romantic husband’s idea) followed by a Boxing lesson ( my idea) and now we’re on to more adventures! The boxing has been a step in the right directions as far as Aditya is concerned.My previous anniversaries have had us diving with sharks , jumping off planes and other mortally threatening romantic plans so boxing besides the high kicks and the mean left hook that I have was relatively harmless so far!!

That’s what marriage has taught us! What he likes and what I like our totally different- the trick is to do a little bit of both and (in my case) try to not kill him while I’m at it!