What I’ve learnt so far…(love, relationships,women and men!)

So I was listening to the Sunscreen Song…a fave of mine whenever I’m down! And before you ask why….I am overtired and overworked and sometimes an instant pep up is in order…! The song got me thinking….I love relationships, love and dispensing advice ;-)…so maybe i should list out some of the things I’ve learnt so far…

  1. Love has got to make you smile…if there are more tears than cheers…you are in the wrong relationship!
  2. Women cry when they get hurt…men may not…that doesn’t mean what you say doesn’t hurt them!
  3. Dates are important…never let the woo-ing period ever end….even when the honeymoon does!
  4. Life is hard- cut yourself a break sometimes!
  5. Smile- even if you have nothing to smile about…just smile…it’s better than a caffeine pick up (and with my love for coffee if I’m saying that-it must be!)
  6. Whenever you’re going thru a bad day…there’s probably someone who’s going thru worse…so still count ur blessings!
  7. We’re all equally scared and doing things for the first time- women and men- it’s not that either sex is less scared; it’s just that certain people hide their worries a little better!
  8. Travel. See the world. Learn how amazing it is. The magnificence and largeness of the world makes you understand how you are just a small part of something incredible.
  9. You don’t know what someone else is going through… so give them a break if they seem unreasonable sometimes. You probably seem unreasonable to some people too!
  10.  Celebrate everything- the wins, the losses and everything in between.
  11. Care for at least one person more than you care for yourself. And don’t expect that back. Just care – cos you do!
  12. It’s never too late to start over.It’s never too late to change career path, life, relationships, anything. Follow your heart.
  13. Believe. Even when it seems impossible- believe.
  14. You are younger today, than you will ever be- enjoy it.
  15. Find friends. Make friends. Be a friend.
  16. Say ‘I love you’ to those you love for absolutely no reason at all. It makes you both feel good.
  17. Any conversation you have could be the last you have with that person… so be careful with your words.
  18. Write your angry emails and then save them to drafts. Go back to them later, read them to somebody- and only then send them.
  19. Show up or don’t be there…. Don’t just turn up. Give something your full focus else don’t be there…
  20. You are much more beautiful / handsome than you think you are!

P.s. (Palat says)-: I am trying to focus on a few of these this week… will let you know how it goes. And yuppp I did tone down the angry email before I sent it !

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The Big Fight

They call Life – the ‘rat-race!’ They call Life-‘a fight’; ‘a struggle!’ They glorify fighting for what you believe in and sometimes in all the madness of fighting, you forget what you’re fighting for.

They tell you that you must ‘Fight for love’ and Fight for your dream’ and then ‘Fight to stay alive and afloat!’ And they forget that in the midst of all this fighting, it stops becoming fun and just becomes something you keep doing- pushing your head against an endless wall of pain because that’s what you’ve been conditioned to.

We’re not taught to believe. We’re taught to FIGHT to believe. We’re not taught to love. We’re taught to FIGHT for love. We’re not taught to succeed . We’re taught to FIGHT to succeed.

And then they wonder where all this aggression and anger comes from. Soldiers fight a war at the borders. We fight a war with ourselves every day. We’ve taken out the fun in life, love, relationships, beliefs and friendships… it’s a war and apparently we HAVE TO WIN! Life’s not about the fun of competition or the joy of the experience- it’s a war and you have to fight to stay alive!

Right from childhood , you are taught to fight- fight hard, even fight dirty. This is ingrained in school , at home and even in sports. We don’t spend the same time spending people to respect, to love, to acknowledge, to see… that’s all a waste of time! And so our aggression is fine tuned till it’s almost inherent in every cell of our bodies.

Well I’m tired. I’m out. I’m out of the fight.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop working or achieving- this just means I’m going to have fun doing it! I’m not fighting you, I’m too busy propping myself up…I’m too busy ENCOURAGING ME TO BE ME… and I’m not going to fight you because that war is not worth my energy or my time!

I’m done. I win! :)… guess the conditioning takes a while longer to rub off!

 

I’m not a survivor.

Yes- I have Multiple Sclerosis. Yes- I have a Pituitary Tumour. Yes- I have a tremendous amount of pain every single day… but I’m not a survivor… I’m a WINNER :)!

I learnt a while ago that there are 2 ways to approach anything this serious – 1. Let it control you. 2. Don’t !

I choose to not let fear nor pain nor the fear of pain rule my life. I am incredible and I am all that I am because of the M.S.

How ? You ask?

Well sure.. when we were first told about the disease I was shattered… I didn’t understand it… no one did and it left me fearful. I was left side paralysed and I couldn’t speak… For an actor and especially a person as talkative as me… the not speaking thing was harder than the paralysis…! I could think it …it was just too hard to say so many words…!

And then I tried. I failed. I tried some more. I failed some more. And then I started from scratch. I got to re-learn as an adult how to be Divya and what fun that was!! My Dad and sister would read me the gossip columns of my favourite newspapers…My Mom would watch Oprah with me and Aditya would watch all my favourite rom-coms and comedies with me… and I got to spend all that amazing time with my family who made me realise how cool I was because they were so cool! My Doctor played catch with me and though I pretty much always failed in that…we got some good laughs every evening and I looked forward to the new day with childlike enthusiasm…enthusiasm that I had lost a while before that when work became WORK and family became FAMILY- the 2 things you were committed to but didn’t love the way you should!

And work? Well I decided to focus on MY COMPANY- BALANCING ACT PRODUCTIONS… and when I got up…I put heart and soul in to theatre and the company and it gave me purpose. i was proud to get up every morning because I was the coolest boss to work for! I had no fixed timings…I did short film direction, taught theatre, produced plays, directed videos, directed television shows, wrote television shows, wrote films, created tv properties for clients, ideated, acted,directed, produced and even sang! If I thought it…I did it!

From waiting hours for a shot, and waiting endlessly for the phone to ring I now had no empty minutes…and the phone rang off the hook!And I had to start saying no to work…so I could try something even more new and incredible !

And the travel… Aditya and I traveled every where and we’d pick a country and devour it! Days of research, months of planning and every trip was more exciting, more unforgettable and with more moments than I’d ever imagined possible…

And then last but definitely not least…I married the man of my dreams…someone I’d have only married 2/3 years post 2006 had the illness not happened and all that would have done would have made me miss out on living with my best friend, my partner in crime and my better half (in every way)!

So I didn’t survive… I live, I thrive and I win… and I wouldn’t change my life with all it’s ups and downs because it’s made me me…. and I’m pretty darn awesome!

 

The Seven Year Itch!

So the husband and I just completed our seventh year of marriage and after every 3 congratulatory messages, the customary 7 year itch joke was then messaged/warned/joked about!

That got me down to thinking… the seven year itch is only popular because of the wildly popular Marilyn Monroe film of the same name which was popular because of the iconic dress-blowing image…! Seven years in actuality means nothing at all!

Some people can have the one day itch, the one year itch, the six-month itch, the ‘Oh no I might get married ‘ itch! The itch really has nothing to do with the passage of time but more to do with the person you are with!

Cheaters cheat!Abusers hit! And liars lie! To blame it on 7 years, or on the fact that monogamy is not natural or the ‘ I was drunk’ excuse is just that…. an Excuse!

There is a freedom in being single and dating…a sense of lightness and excitement in who you might meet and where life may take you. But there’s also fear of ending up alone, the worry of not finding someone who will understand/ respect / love you and a loneliness of coming back home to an empty home and an empty bed.

There’s routine in marriage. There are rules. There are expectations and demands. But there is also support, trust, love and faith. There is also the great joy of being able to curl up and watch television with someone you love in your night shorts and spectacles and for them to still think you are the most wonderful looking person in all the world. There is responsibility but there’s also a cheerleader by your side to support and give wings to your dreams,your ambitions, your life…!

It’s up to each one of us the choices we make but it’s impossible to have both.

In a world where marriages don’t make the first year hurdle and where cheating and infidelity has become the norm- the friendship, trust and faith that our parents’ marriages had is becoming rarer to see. You have to try to keep your marriage, fight to save your marriage, work every day to make your marriage work. If you are not ready to put in the time…. don’t get married and DON’T BE THE OTHER WOMAN/ MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP !

How did Aditya and I get to Number 7….

With lots of fights and even more tears,

With some heartaches and a couple of cheers;

With several losses and a few wins;

And with many prayers and fewer sins…

… here’s to a life time of arguments, fights, hugs and laughs….!

I love you Mr. Hitkari and there’ll be no 7/8/9/10………… itch….

And to all the friends who joked/ragged/messaged about it… I’m going to hunt you down and punch each one of you… :))))) so BEWARE!

Done, dusted, forgotten about!

And now that the year is coming to a close, you start taking stock of everything that went by! Seems easier to take stock when the year has come to an end and suddenly the enormity of what you just went through hits you! Take a moment. Breathe. You made it! 2012 is over! Scraped, bruised and a bit beaten- you’ve come out punching! Some of us have come out smarter, some of us wiser, some of us harder, some of us better looking– but all of us have survived!

It’s funny when you take moment to think about all that you went thru- the first things that go thru your mind are the heart aches, the lost job opportunities , the fights, the losses, the break ups… the pain. It’s a lot harder to remember the laughter, the great conversations, the new formed friendships, the small wins , the drunken , crazy, incredible evenings, the small gestures, the kindness…. the love!

So this new year…I’m starting a ‘Memories and moments jar!’ – a jar where I will slip in a piece of paper and write the date along with any positive event that happened…! Anything- it could be the day I laughed for 10 minutes non stop, or a day where Cookie did something wonderfully cute, or the day where Aditya bought me flowers…just because! Anything funny, interesting and wonderful…so that next December 31st instead of thinking of how amazing it was that I’ve come out relatively unscathed…I will open up the jar and reminisce at a year full of wonderful moments, hilarious anecdotes and remember the love!

Have a super , super new year! ­čÖé See you all on the other side!

The movie of your life! (Rules to Live By)

Rise and shine. It’s a new day. Smile. Walk. Run. Talk. Eat. Laugh. See. Do.

Don’t waste time on tears. Don’t waste time on fears. Life will happen regardless.

You may win. You will lose. You will love. You will hate. You may achieve but you must always try. Live the truth.

There will be days where you don’t want to get up. There will be days where you won’t want to sleep! There will be days that you’d love to forget and there will be those that you’ll remember every moment of.

Dream. If those dreams shatter and make some new dreams. There will be plans and they may not happen. Life has it’s own plans…It doesn’t need yours!

Save money. You will make money and you will lose money. You’ll be in debt and then you may have more than you need. Save.

Walk the road with your head held high. You may trip. You may even fall. But get up and keep walking because life is an adventure and though sometimes you are in the darkest tunnel remember there’s always a moment when you see the glorious hint of the sun!

Love. Fall in love. Rise in love. Give love. Demand love. It makes the journey of life worthwhile.

Don’t expect to love everyone and don’t expect everyone to love you.

Respect- give respect and be worthy of respect.

Inspire and be inspired! Don’t shut your mind to new experiences. Open your mind!

Eat the cupcake. Don’t spend your life on diet cause you will always see yourself as fat then! Don’t spend your life on food because you’ll miss out on other experiences then.

Have an opinion. Find one. Make one. Create one.

Laugh without a care.

Today is a great day because in the movie of your life-YOU ARE THE STAR!