Expecting NOT to Expect

Expectation is the root of all heartache

William Shakespeare.

Those of us who believe we don’t expect anything from anyone are lying to ourselves. We expect love and support from our friends and family. We expect growth and satisfaction from our jobs. We expect belief, trust, security and help. We expect dreams to come true and love stories to just happen. We expect.

And then we’re shocked when we’re stabbed in the back by ‘friends’ , hurt by loved ones, not trusted by work-mates and saddened that our dreams have to continuously evolve and even then may never come true. Easier said than done- stop expecting.

And if you think the external expectations that we have are hard, well take a good hard look inside. Often it is OUR EXPECTATIONS of OURSELVES that let us down even more than the expectations we have of others.

We expect to reach the top and whereas our fathers and grandfathers enjoyed a steady and positive growth in a company that they chose to work with for 15, 20 or even 30 years we need  to be at the top yesterday and if that doesn’t happen we shift job,we shift career and we work harder to be at the top at the cost of our health , our families and our happiness!

We expect the perfect spouse and hold them and ourselves to such ridiculous expectations and criteria that we both fail and end up in a bitter marriage or any even more painful divorce.

The solution? Well to stop expecting is not really an option but may be we can cut ourselves and others around us some slack. These are some truths-:

  1. Dating is hard. Marriage is harder. They both require work. When the make up is off and at the end of a bad day- all you have left is the both of you without any pretence and charade and that’s the truth. You are not going to wake up every morning perfect and he’s not going to come home every evening happy. Expect this.
  2. Don’t give your trust to everyone. Everyone may not be worth it. Even with friends, hold a little back/ Don’t expect them to hold all your confidences or bear all your burdens. That’s unrealistic. Open up slowly. Trust less. Make stronger bonds with a few.
  3. Work hard and ensure that your bosses and you know your worth. DON’T EXPECT a raise or a promotion. Ensure they know your worth and ensure YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH. This will give greater job satisfaction and also benefit your company. An unhappy employee makes for an unhappy company. If you feel you deserve more, before jumping ship and leaving the company- tell them. Give them a chance to live up to your expectations. They will only know of your expectations if you tell them!
  4. Be realistic of what you can do in a day , in a week, in a month. And make others aware so that neither you nor they over-expect from you. Aim for the stars but be prepared for the sick days, the setbacks, the days where everything goes wrong and take every moment one step at a time.
  5. Do not expect others to work to your time just because you do. Stop expecting others to live up  to your standards WITHOUT lowering your standards.
  6. TELL PEOPLE YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF THEM. Don’t EXPECT THEM TO GUESS!
  7. Be realistic in your expectations! You wanted to be able to live through some of them not die of a heart attack trying to achieve any of them.
  8. Give WITHOUT expectation. That way you’ll always be surprised.
  9. Love WITHOUT expectation. That way you’ll find love.
  10. Work on your dream WITHOUT expectation. That way your dream may come true :)!

 

 

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We’re all still teenagers trying to grow up!

We’re all just teenagers trying to grow up… We’ve aged a bit, got a couple of grey strands or may be more. We’re married/ settled/ seeing someone/ broken it off/ still single! We have jobs and cars. We pay mortgages, pay off loans, go in and out of debt! We’re old enough to drink and vote and sometimes can’t figure out whether the drink or the politician is the lesser of two evils! We have our own money, make up our own minds(most of the time), have a job, a life… and yet we’re still teenagers trying to grow up!

We’re as insecure but we mask it better. We’re as scared but we’ve learnt to pretend to be confident. We’re as alone but we’ve learnt to surround ourselves with pretty things, fancy gadgets and fast cars and maybe even a trophy wife/husband/girl friend but we still hide our fears, our worries , our personal failings…

But teenagers are given a break. They are allowed to be irrational because- “well they are teens!” They are allowed to break down, cry, scream, yell, slam doors and all is forgotten and forgiven as they are young and going through life changes…!

Well give yourself a break… Life changes all the time and whereas we may be a little older and not a lot wiser- life is still changing for all of us! And it’s okay to want to bang doors sometimes, or yell at the top of your voice because you’re so mad, or just cry! It’s okay to feel scared,insecure and unsure…even when you’re supposed to know everything and every one and supposed to have it all under control- it’s okay to ask for help! I figure ‘Life’ as this person- wise, older, smarter than us and well…OLDER!(Yes I know I said that- I’m repeating…for effect!) so that being said… you’re always teenager in the eyes of ‘Life’… It has more experience and you are allowed to give yourself a break sometimes and stop being so hard on yourself! It’s all the fun of growing up !

So the next time you make a mistake…take a breath! There’ll be plenty more mistakes and plenty more heartaches but there’ll also be plenty more firsts and there are several more first times left…!

It’s okay not to be sure of where you’re going or who you want to be…that’s the fun of life… you can keep finding new things about yourself, find new talents, make new habits- it keeps you alive and keeps the excitement going!

Enjoy the adventure and NEVER GROW UP!