Why does it Hurt so bad?

So I’ve realised it takes a village to build you up and make you feel confident but it’s often just the one person that can bring that confidence crashing down! And that’s just sad…

What the tens, hundreds or millions say about you can be shattered by one thoughtless comment or one mean remark. It’s like that little devil inside of us barely needs a drop of water to take on a monstrous form and take us over completely.

And that’s why the trolls succeed so much. I used to visit a client ever so often and despite me being at my best; I’d watch how every compliment would be followed by a quick jibe, a passing thoughtless remark or just something plain mean. I noticed it a few times but I think it really came to a head when my team asked me what was wrong with them? I honestly didn’t know. Every time they made a comment it hurt but I tried to push it aside as much as I could and eventually knew when the comment would come , so played a song in my head to dull their words!

But then the husband came up with an insightful reason (no I wasn’t bribed to compliment him :)) they did this.He said that often people chose to use hurtful words to cover up what was happening in their lives. When they chose to criticise how I looked or that I spoke with an accent- it was often a reflection of them not being happy with what they looked like or how they spoke. And when I started really listening to what they were saying I saw all their deep rooted personal issues- marriage problems, body image issues, blatant racism and insecurities. And now I have realised that perhaps that’s the way to deal with trolls.

Everyone is on a journey. When they lash out, it’s more about what’s happening with them not with you. And when you re-teach yourself to think like that the hurt is less and you too are equally careful about how you speak.

P.s. (Palat says)-: Every person I meet I try and learn something from… even the worst people you meet have something they can teach you. Learn.

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Warning- Personal Baggage!

We all have it. We all keep adding to it. And we don’t spring clean it every Diwali or in the new year- Personal Baggage is here to stay and we are not only a sum of our experiences; we are also a sum of all our personal baggage!

Last week I found myself missing a friend. We had grown up together, made mistakes together, got in to trouble together. She’d seen me at my best and at my stupidest and I just found myself missing her. As we grow older, though the baggage on our backs increase- our insecurities increase , our work pressures, aspirations and our ambitions sore- we seem to be less forgiving of other people’s personal baggage.

‘They’re so cheap,’ we complain not understanding that they have just got out of debt or may still be in debt. ‘ They’re so unambitious,’ we state; not realising that they’ve just suffered major setbacks or are not confident enough to branch out on their own.

Our judgements come quickly and we don’t look at our baggage- but we readily judge theirs!

Look at your old friends and your close friends. In most cases, we don’t judge their baggage and they don’t judge ours. They help out when we’re scared. They cover our insecurities and they make the world a better place because when we are down , they know just which buttons to push to make it all perfect again.

So to make any new , lasting relationships or friendships- maybe before judging how much and how heavy everyone else’s baggage is- maybe we can lend a hand, lighten their load without judgement or complaint. Maybe they’ll help out with ours as well! 🙂