To all the haters of Valentines Day!

Well here’s my short letter to you…!

To all the Haters of Valentines Day,

I’m sorry! But you suck!

But for those who feel they deserve a less snippy version… here are my thoughts! We spend our lives criticising, critiquing, hating…not just others but ourselves! We’re never good enough, fast enough , cute enough, popular enough or pretty enough! We watch tv shows to cut them up into pieces… we even watch things or dress in t-shirts to make statements ‘ironically’ because I mean it’s not cool to like something or even worse still love anything anymore! I mean that’s sooooo lame! It’s so much cooler to wander around in a fury- angered by society, spouses, the government and even our friends! It’s become cool to hate!

Now this is one day we’re we (and aaaaallllll the greeting card companies) celebrate uncoolness! We celebrate love! And even if you don’t have that ‘right person’ at the moment, isn’t it cool to spend the day loving things about ourselves- I mean- go out and dress up, pamper yourself, read a book, finish a tv show, treat yourself to lunch- look around you… Can’t you spend one miserable day not hating your life and all those around you?

Valentines Day celebrates the joy of giving love. We’re often so caught up in our own lives…we forget that it’s not the job that makes the world go ’round, it’s the people… the people in your lives… so smile. Get out. Buy an overpriced rose or card and treat someone else…Make them smile and if you can’t find someone…buy something for yourself and be your own Valentine…

Spreading the love isn’t uncool…it’s in fact pretty fabulous!!!

Aditya Hitkari.Express photo by Prashant Nadkar, Mumbai. 05/07/2006

#NoFailResolutions

So it’s that time of year when Resolutions have been made and more than a few have been already broken…The year has started and we’re in a ‘Same %&## , different year’ mood…!

But before you give up hope and start counting the 50 odd weeks left for the next new year…I thought of some Resolutions that you should make, can keep and will make you feel pretty good about it!

Resolutions for myself

  1. I will look after me. I will love me. I will pamper me. Because I love and wish to look after myself I will try and eat better so I can spend more time looking after me. I will not punish myself if I mess up on a day or two because I love me and I am making a resolution to look after myself- not by punishment but with love and faith.
  2. I will do one thing every day that makes me happy.  Life is too short to go thru it in a rut and then suddenly find that you are too old to enjoy all of the things you should have enjoyed when you were younger. So everyday… even I start talking to a friend that I haven’t spoken to in years or meeting someone over coffee… I will do something that makes me happy!
  3. Spend more time with those I love.  It’s special to love and to be loved. it’s important to recognise that and not take it all for granted so I will make sure I spend time with those I love and let them spend time loving, fretting and looking after me. A loved soul makes for a happy soul!

Resolutions for work

  1. I will challenge myself. I understand that I may be happy with how well things are going… but I will set new targets and will aim to achieve them. I will not be hard on myself if every thing doesn’t automatically fall in to place… but I will never stop dreaming and never stop trying.
  2. I have a dream and I will keep at it. I had dreams when I was younger of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do…I will start dreaming all over again and make those dreams come true… slowly, steadily but surely!
  3. I will stop work.  A 20 hour day doesn’t make me more efficient than a person who can achieve the same in fewer hours. I will set goals for myself that are reasonable and then as I complete them I will stop. Sometimes a break can help you work more effectively.  I will work smarter not longer!

These were just some basics that are almost #NoFailResolutions. They are easy, possible, thought provoking and can be expanded upon! And most of all… you can’t break them…

I’m making my 2014 about ME. You should make it about you too!

 

Love- is that really the crime?

In a world of hate, we could do with a little bit of love…

Life has changed so very much… Where our parents got married in they’re early twenties, we choose to spend our twenties working or traveling or if we’re lucky- doing both! We spend our lives on social networking sites and learn to market ourselves like a product- coldly and calmly and avoid getting overly attached incase we have to rework brand strategy based on what our ‘friends’ or ‘followers’ feel! This being said we have a million acquaintances but very few friends; every sees the mask we hide behind and we make every effort to make that mask perfect, flawless and beautiful hiding true emotions and feelings because that can only make us look ‘ugly’ right? Being single is now not taboo…infact it’s more of the norm than ever. Who has the time for love? And in this world, how can you let your defences down and even try to love? So we remain more rigid, more cold and even more alone.

And then those that seem to fall in ‘love’ seem to fall out immediately… Divorce happens. In this fast paced world of ours we have quick weddings and even quicker divorces and this makes us question love even more.

We’re not the same world any more. We’re not as safe. Among the 4 letter words that come to mind- angry words, hateful words come first- they easily trump ‘love.’

And that’s our excuse… we don’t have time for love… We may not even believe in it.

But in a world of hate can we be so selfish and self centred to not allow love among anyone else either? When 2 people love each other can we actually punish them for it- criminalise them for it? Why? Because we don’t understand it? Because it goes against our beliefs and fundamentals? Because it’s against ‘religion?’

Every religion preaches love and in a world slowly losing its humanity and love, when 2 people love each other regardless of whether they’re man-woman, man-man or woman-woman… should be allowed to love.

In a world where rapists go free, where fraudsters make millions and stay out on bail, where terrorists are never tracked; in a world where anger, rage and hate dominate our newspapers and senses every single day- would it be so terrible  to allow two consenting adults to fall in love? Is that really a crime?

Or are we hiding behind our own masks of self- righteousness and selfishness because if we can’t find love- noone else should? Now that’s the real crime.

 

I’m not a survivor.

Yes- I have Multiple Sclerosis. Yes- I have a Pituitary Tumour. Yes- I have a tremendous amount of pain every single day… but I’m not a survivor… I’m a WINNER :)!

I learnt a while ago that there are 2 ways to approach anything this serious – 1. Let it control you. 2. Don’t !

I choose to not let fear nor pain nor the fear of pain rule my life. I am incredible and I am all that I am because of the M.S.

How ? You ask?

Well sure.. when we were first told about the disease I was shattered… I didn’t understand it… no one did and it left me fearful. I was left side paralysed and I couldn’t speak… For an actor and especially a person as talkative as me… the not speaking thing was harder than the paralysis…! I could think it …it was just too hard to say so many words…!

And then I tried. I failed. I tried some more. I failed some more. And then I started from scratch. I got to re-learn as an adult how to be Divya and what fun that was!! My Dad and sister would read me the gossip columns of my favourite newspapers…My Mom would watch Oprah with me and Aditya would watch all my favourite rom-coms and comedies with me… and I got to spend all that amazing time with my family who made me realise how cool I was because they were so cool! My Doctor played catch with me and though I pretty much always failed in that…we got some good laughs every evening and I looked forward to the new day with childlike enthusiasm…enthusiasm that I had lost a while before that when work became WORK and family became FAMILY- the 2 things you were committed to but didn’t love the way you should!

And work? Well I decided to focus on MY COMPANY- BALANCING ACT PRODUCTIONS… and when I got up…I put heart and soul in to theatre and the company and it gave me purpose. i was proud to get up every morning because I was the coolest boss to work for! I had no fixed timings…I did short film direction, taught theatre, produced plays, directed videos, directed television shows, wrote television shows, wrote films, created tv properties for clients, ideated, acted,directed, produced and even sang! If I thought it…I did it!

From waiting hours for a shot, and waiting endlessly for the phone to ring I now had no empty minutes…and the phone rang off the hook!And I had to start saying no to work…so I could try something even more new and incredible !

And the travel… Aditya and I traveled every where and we’d pick a country and devour it! Days of research, months of planning and every trip was more exciting, more unforgettable and with more moments than I’d ever imagined possible…

And then last but definitely not least…I married the man of my dreams…someone I’d have only married 2/3 years post 2006 had the illness not happened and all that would have done would have made me miss out on living with my best friend, my partner in crime and my better half (in every way)!

So I didn’t survive… I live, I thrive and I win… and I wouldn’t change my life with all it’s ups and downs because it’s made me me…. and I’m pretty darn awesome!

 

I want to change the world by doing NOTHING!

It didn’t happen to me…

It happened on TV…

And that’s our attitude… Buildings fall. Women get raped. People get murdered. Terror attacks happen. A cyclone devastates…

But it didn’t happen to me!

We want a better world for ourselves, for our future , for the future of our unborn children or our friends’ unborn children…and yet we make the grand gesture of—-wait for it….—–NOTHING!

Let’s cut the crap. Candle light vigils don’t help a girl after she’s been raped- punishing rapists do! Complaining about government organisations when buildings collapse don’t help- -stop paying off people and making substandard buildings! Punish the guilty and punish them quick. Don’t let’s live in a country where you can do wrong…and live a lifetime of sin with your lawyer just taking ‘dates’ for you every time. Let’s stop being afraid of punishment and its consequence. Let’s start being afraid of what will happen if we don’t punish- let’s look at that consequence instead.

Today you weren’t raped…you don’t live in ‘that’ neighborhood, wear ‘provocative clothes’ like jeans and you don’t step out of your house after 2 p.m….but that doesn’t ensure your safety any more because rapists are not afraid of the last- they can rape and then claim they are juveniles or pay off someone and leave the city… Ravage your life, destroy you and then just move and rape someone else. But don’t think about that… because it didn’t happen to you.

Your building hasn’t collapsed as yet…so why worry…it’s not like your life will be destroyed if it did collapse… or your home that you’ve paid so much for might be worth rubble…it didn’t happen to you!

And about the cyclone- well…you tweeted… what else can you do? Oh yes, you hash-tagged it as well!

Let’s read about it in the newspapers.

Let’s gossip about it in coffee shops…

But let’s do NOTHING!

After all it didn’t happen to me. Right?

 

Everybody needs a friend

 

When we’re young friendship is easy….it’s who you share lunch with, who you share a seat with, who gave you a chocolate or their treats… it’s simple! We make friends easily and adapt easily. Our likes and dislikes are still being formed… we’re still learning who we are. And then we become teenagers and we seem to be more cliquish… we have more hates than likes but we still manage to find our own! Lost in a crowd of young adults all filled with angst, passion and hormones…we still manage to find people similar to us.

And then we grow up.

And making friends isn’t that easy anymore. People are hard and judgmental and focused on themselves and all they seem to do is disappoint.

And when you become a couple…that’s when it’s even harder. You must like them but then so must he… and isn’t it better to have couple friends? And what happens to those who were just your friends or just his… what’s the equation now?

What I’ve realised is… just don’t grow up… Keep your friends. Keep his friends and don’t be afraid to go up to someone new and say “Hi… I’m_______” From being a person who had a friend or maybe 2… I’ve learnt that just like a child in a play ground or a lost geek (which I was) in college – every one around is still trying to form relationships and friendships…we’re all looking for a connection. They don’t have to be your best friends overnight or become your closest confidantes but they can be people who you can just hang out with, grab a bite with or go to a movie with! Because just like in school when best friends changed as we grew older, some times the people you think will stay with you all along may drop off on the way and you might find you need to find another friend…so instead of trying to fill that gap when there’d be no one there-cultivate your friendships, let them breathe and grow and maybe you can have a best friend and then a best, best friend ! :)!

Confessions of a Commitment-Phobe

Commitment-phobes come in all shapes, sizes and colours…! The nicest of people when in fear of finding something meaningful and lasting become like a caged animal and attack all that is good, caring and protective suddenly…and you , who only wanted to look after and love them are suddenly snapped at, scratched and even bitten. Hurt- you retire wounded and the commitment-phobe rests in a corner ready to attack again if asked to commit!

A self confessed commitment-phobe, it took a while for my Cancerian boy to break thru all the many boundaries I set up for him. If ever he came close to asking for a commitment , I ran the other way blindly and he quickly learnt how to wait for me to get tired and stop running so I could run straight back to him.

He listened to my silly fears. He allowed me the freedom to run away never being more than an arms distance away…so when I knew it was a bad idea I could collapse into his open arms and complain about the freedom that I had demanded!

And that’s how you deal with us….!

I am Divya and I am a commitment-phobe. I am afraid of getting hurt, afraid of sharing, afraid of caring and terrified of love. But when I do care- i give you my heart and my soul. I promise you love, loyalty and trust and a life time of adventure! I won’t be tied down… but if you give me freedom, I won’t abuse it…I just need to know you trust me enough to let me go and are smart enough to realise that if you let me fly, I’ll keep flying close to you and keep checking that you’re still around to look after me, love me and stay with me.

Virtual Reality vs. You

Today’s world is a PR world… a world built on perception and fantasy based in our own ‘virtual reality.’

Virtual reality is the new real world experience. And what you are perceived to be is what you are… Or is it?

When we tweet “Love is what I am all about…” do we forget that we’re in an extramarital relationship or that our husband doesn’t come home to us?

Why else would we post ” With Super star ________”… when we’re backstage at an event ensuring he gets water at the right temperature or a seat at the right time!

When we photograph food or alcohol on a friday night saying “Yay Friday…” are we trying to pretend that the food and alcohol will be eaten and drunk by someone other than us despite knowing this will be yet another lonely weekend?

And all this is fine… if you know the truth. My only grouse is with those whose virtual reality has so far eclipsed their actual reality that they pretend to be the holier than thou souls ; those that can do no wrong. So full of themselves, they forget that behind the cover of the web their actual being is nothing like the one that they perceive themselves to be! Their perception is their reality and that reality is skewed. When they actually meet real people , we’re in for a shock because since we don’t see them with rose-tinted glasses…they like any one of us is flawed… but maybe even slightly more damaged. How so, you ask? Well at least we know who we really are… but them behind their PR and delusional virtual reality have forgotten who they were so long ago that they don’t ever see themselves without the tinted glasses.

So even when the world’s laughing in front of them, at them… they miss out on the joke… because they’re so busy creating a new virtue reality starring themselves!

To those who said I couldn’t

Remember when you told me I wouldn’t work again… I was scared of what you could do… but I kept trying and I kept working.

And you… you who told me that I’d never amount to much… Well to some people…I amount to their whole lives… so that’s a lot I think!

And to the ones who said I was hard hearted and would never be able to love… well you got it wrong… I am capable of more love than you can think. You were wrong for me… I was ok.

And to those who said I’d never walk again… I don’t walk. I run :)!

And those who said I won’t be able to….I did. I finished. I moved on. And I started all over again!

To those who said I can’t or I wouldn’t- I can and I did!

When you said I’d leave because it was too tough…I stayed . I learnt. I won.

When you kicked me…I got up and fought just a little bit harder.

When you hurt me…I didn’t waste time on tears… I moved on- stronger, harder and more determined.

And when I was laughed at… I laughed with you… and learnt how it felt and never did it to someone else.

For all those who called me back to tell me that they didn’t believe …I learnt to try and help you see… see the world thru my eyes.

To those who hated me- I tried to make you see me for who I am…. But if you still hate me… it’s your loss not mine. I’m a pretty awesome person (even if it’s just my husband and family who says so!)

I’ve lived. I’ve learnt. I’ve hurt. I’ve loved. I’ve fought. I’ve dreamt. I’ve had heart breaks and I’ve caused a few. But whenever a door shut… I found that if I took a moment there’d be another door wide open and waiting for me.

Thank you for teaching me that life is full of challenges….I look forward to spending the rest of mine jumping hurdles and winning the race…

You may never see me for who I am but you’ve allowed me to see how much strength , talent, love and beauty lies within me!

Silent Tears

Disclaimer-: Sorry for the self absorbed , soppy post…I needed to write and needed to vent and needed to process…this is my personal diary and my outlet for me to remember what happens in my life- good or bad!

All is fine. And all else will be… I’m positive.

 

I cry when you disregard my opinions or walk past me pretending I don’t exist.

I cry when you are rude to me and you didn’t even know it…because that’s how self absorbed you are.

I cry when I’m so tired but need to go on and on and on without a complaint.

I cry when I’m being forced in to a corner with nowhere to escape.

I cry when I’m so scared , I’ve dried up inside.

I cry when I hear of rape and pain and injustice and people who died.

I cry when I hear of the submariners who died…alone in the cold of the night.

I cry when I am diagnosed with something so scary and can’t even process the fear…

I cry. I cry. I cry.

All silent tears.

And yet when you meet me…I smile… because that’s who I am.