marriage–my views!

so been getting lots of posts and tweets regarding my views on marriage….some feel that i think (after the amount of advice i give;-) ) that it’s too tough…others ask if i’m anti-marriage or for love and still others ask if i love the concept of love too much and therefore love the concept rather than the actual thing!!!

so i’ve decided to put speculation to rest…for myself and for the rest! i was and have always been commitment phobic…anyone who knows me knows the only thing i was more scared of than marriage was children  (any child) and birds (well ….that’s another story entirely!)…but when i got sick and paralyzed i was scared that i may never experience the comfortability of holding hands, of coming home to someone , of  just being able to be with someone and so when my ‘knight in office-wear’ (aditya) proposed i accepted as  i thought it was important to go thru as many life experiences as i could before (God- forbid) i got back in hospital again…

since then i approached marriage as a journey, a life lesson and an experience and i believe i have lived through it…

marriage is about making mistakes and finding someone to forgive you. it’s about going the wrong way knowing your lost and still going along because it’s ok if the 2 of you are lost together. it’s about fights and tears and laughing over spilt milk…. it’s about learning together. it’s about growing together and give and take…it’s about knowing that every day won’t be perfect…but it’s pretty awesome finding someone who’ll smile for you when you get home…it’s about having dreams and having a partner in crime fueling your madness and even when you come crashing down to the hard, cold ground…it’s about your partner pushing you back up and re-convincing you to be mad all over again!

days won’t be perfect when your married…but then perfection is sometimes over-rated…you are going to have to learn to share when you’re married; but then again, you share the tough times and the tears as well!

in an instant world – don’t look for an instant match… wait for him/ her. search for true love. when you find true love…don’t expect it to be perfect…remember he/she needs only to be perfect for YOU!

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wedding vows and wows!!!

so this weekend was the mahesh-lara wedding and so friends and family dutifully trooped to give the couple the best wishes on their newly married life!

the wedding was beautiful… a white wedding ( my first)…i watched with tears in my eyes as they walked down a ramp created at the top of fort aguada for a private ,personal celebration and an exchange of beautifully written vows while members of the audience and the bride brushed away emotional tears….live singing,funny anecdotal messages from parents and friends and very public displays of love by family and friends for an intensely private couple was what the weekend encompassed!

weddings are lovely…if done keeping the couple in mind…i loved mine because everything from what guests ate on the wedding to how the decor was done was chosen by me…. it meant hours sitting with chef oberoi and checking on the flowers on the day of the wedding….but because i did…it was mine …it was perfect and it was personal!

mahesh and lara choreographed their own sangeet …told stories of how they met and argued on who woo’ed who!?!…. a celebration filled with love, laughter and more than a few exchanged private smiles between the bride and groom made for an incredibly fun sangeet….the wedding and reception was also planned by the couple without the 100 wedding planners in sight and was a warm and fun with married couple (like aditya and me) smiling joyously and the singletons dreaming of finding their perfect match like these 2 have…

here’s wishing lara and mahesh- a long and perfect love match!

i love valentines day!!!…and what i did….

happy valentines day y’all!!!!

i love love…well when people ask me why i go overboard loving a day that’s not even an ‘official’ holiday or birthday or something….i gotta just say…well in a world where people love war and love hate and love pain and love so many ugly, ugly things…i think it’s a pretty good deal to love love and to love valentines day!

i think it’s important to actually take some time out to celebrate mush and rom- coms and love stories…it’s important to date someone even if you’ve been with them forever…to dress up, smile and be wooed again…it’s important to bring back the twinkle in your eye and to have your heart skip a beat! it’s important!

to those who say they celebrate love every day / every week….then stop using that as an excuse and still send the flowers over, make a reservation …take ur lady out and make her feel like a girl again…giddy in love and happy!

so what did i do?

well yesterday we had our play…love bytes…a packed auditorium…a 150 seater packed with over 600 people!!! incredible, filled with moments of wondrous passion for theatre….acting opposite aditya was truly amazing…it was like we were part of an orchestra yesterday and we fed off each other, played off each other and though the audience clapped after every scene and seemed to love us…we had an even better time…i believe!

and then he surprised me by bringing in v- day! so i assumed , we’d go to the regular souk or thai pavilion…we were dressed to the hilt and high after an incredible play and thunderous applause! but we passed the taj and then didn’t turn off towards the president and kept down marine drive, passed home and suddenly moved into olive…. one of my faves! but that’s not even the best part… he had organised a private table…with the red table cloth n all…and a special menu…just for the 2 of us… ALL MY FAVOURITE DISHES! and the personalized menu…had us on the cover and it had a poem written to me….HIS VALENTINE!

i almost wept with delight…i am impossible to surprise(me being so nosy n all) and have such fixed favourites in terms of food, ambience and everything and he’d combined it all to make the most perfect evening!

my first valentine date with him was 9 years ago…and yesterday TOPPED THAT!

THINGS THAT EVERY COUPLE MUST DO ( and no….I don’t mean the obvious!)

so being a couple is fun for all the obvious reasons…yes i mean what you think i mean– cuddling ( get your minds out of the gutter people!!!)…but its often very very important to see if you are more than just great looking people who are attracted to each other!  if your partner and you have done / can do most of what’s below–well then i think its meant for keeps….

  1. GO ON COFFEE DATES TOGETHER (JUST THE 2 OF YOU!)– Now I know you think this is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to easy but think about it..everyone looks more attractive in dim lights and under kilos of make up and then again, having a few drinks makes some of the most uninteresting people fun, to themselves and to us! Hanging out with friends also gives you only snippets of conversations with your beau….leaving you wanting for more…so test it out -go on a one-on-one with him / her in the day and find out how he/ she really looks and whether their that fun sober and most importantly whether when there’s no loud music and screaming people…whether the 2 of you actually have things to talk about!
  2. GET TO KNOW THEIR FAMILY–  A huge part of who a person is…depends on how he was raised. Get to know his/ her family…Like them/ hate them…see how important he/ she is to them or what he/ she has learnt from them and a huge part of a puzzle will be solved. else there’ll always be a big chunk of the puzzle missing and trust me…this piece is the heart of the puzzle…it’s who he/she is… You don’t want to leave it till the end!
  3. TALK ABOUT MONEY- The biggest reasons for break ups is money…so if you r getting serious start figuring out if and when you move to the next stage how money is going to work…who’s going to spend and how much and what everyone’s expectations are…lay it out!
  4. SAY I LOVE YOU AND MEAN IT– For some..saying ‘ i love you ‘ is not a big deal….Know when you mean it…It’ll be when you feel it in every pore of your being…Unless you both feel this way….one of you will always be looking!
  5. VACATION TOGETHER- are you a beach person and him a snow lover? does he love cities and do you need down time…. can you vacation together without wanting to kill each other?? a toughie….cos vacations is when we need to relax and want to relax. can you do down time WITH your partner or does he/she invade your space?
  6. GO THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH– Now here I am not saying that you have to go through a rough patch asap or NOW! But what I am trying to say is that its important that you understand how your partner and you go through a rough patch..because in life there will be several ups and downs… and its important to know how you BOTH deal with a down! Are you / him a partner in fair weather…HERE JUST ASKING SOMEONE DOESN’T WORK….you have to go thru it!go thru a bad together and make it still work for you!
  7. FIGHT– a really good and proper fight and make up and get through it! That shows you that you can retain your individuality and not care that the other person will leave you over an argument…Love is stronger than arguments and marriage is more than just a couple of fights!
  8. PLAN THE FUTURE – what do you want ? what does your partner want? are they both very, very different?
  9. DO NOTHING– So there will be evening where you both don’t have anything to do…no dates, no parties, no dinners….just you….! Can you both do nothing together?
  10. CHECK THE LIST–  Every one of us had an ideal person that we thought we’d be looking for…put the qualities of that imaginary person ( BUT BE REAL IN YOUR DESIRES…I MEAN YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO GET SOMEONE WHO HAS A FATHER RICHER THAN DONALD TRUMP & WHO HAS A HOTTER BIKINI BOD THAN PAM ANDERSON DID!) and weigh your  current against the negotiables (physical attributes) and the non-negotiables (character/qualities/work/family/money/religious beliefs/family ideals etc) and see if you’ve got a good match….if you have move heaven and hell to make it work!

…on a totally different note….rehearsals for sunday’s show have started and we are currently starting a campaign against one of the actor’s… SANKET BRUSH YOUR TEETH….with your own tooth brush… (don’t even ask!) your support will be greatly appreciated!

relationship 101 ( fact, fiction and complete myths!)

CHEATING IS NOT OKAY!

i had a friend who was once advised by her mom’s friend that well ‘ all men cheat and now that she was getting married , she must learn to accept it!

cheating is not okay. all men do not cheat. all women do not cheat. you should not be in a committed relationship if you think cheating is not a big issue!

ALL WOMEN DO NOT WISH TO RUN TO THE ALTAR IMMEDIATELY!

…in fact several women are commitment-phobes! so…just because we’re in a relationship with you doesn’t mean we want to get married tomorrow!…you still have to woo us, propose to us and then….. we have to say ‘yes!’

GETTING MARRIED WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING!

the first year of marriage is the roughest…once you weather that..it gets easier…but definitely DO NOT think that marriage will solve problems…in fact there will be so many things that crop up about your partner; it will only add to grievances/ issues you already had…. so fix the problems and kinks….then decide on a date and then get married! fix problems first!

DATING IS FUN FOREVER!

…it is for a bit… it is incredible and a high….but there;s nothing better than knowing you HAVE A DATE , every day any day! AND YOU CHOSE HIM/ HER!

I MUST BE COMPLETELY HONEST….ABOUT EVERYTHING!

…Tell your partner about the important stuff….medical stuff, some past girl friends/ boy friends….but know when your just saying things to hurt your partner or put him/her down. deal with some stuff on your own…you’re not perfect….your partner knows that…just make sure your telling them things that are relevant to your current relationship and not something to make them feel bad about themselves!

MARRIAGE IS A COMPROMISE!

if you’re using the word compromise then…you want to seriously reconsider your relationship…whatever you are giving up to be with your partner should be not something that important that you think it as ‘compromising’ on something!…marriage must make you add to your talents not subtract them!

LOVE IS ALL ABOUT THE DRAMA!

sure drama is wonderful…but if all you are doing is crying and pining….then GET OUT! love is about the laughter and fun. it’s about giggling and cuddling…it’s happy, it’s safe,it’s light!

HE HIT ME BUT HE WAS REALLY SORRY!

GET OUT! NOW! he needs help … abusers always try and woo their ‘prey’ ( and i use this word to give you an idea of who you are to him) back…! so get out! he needs to get help! stop being his punching bag! BUT YOU NEED TO GET OUT NOW!

KIDS WILL MAKE THE MARRIAGE STRONGER

not necessarily…if your marriage has problems …fix them first before you bring in a child…having a child will only add responsibilities and problems don’t disappear -they need to be dealt with! don’t try and make an infant your shrink….! work your problems out , then start a family!

…do write in with some of your own 101 advice or even issues…let’s blog…talk about it!

what no one ever told you about love (and what you might as well learn!)

so it’s moo- day again! ( moo- cos it’s the monday morning blues!— the MOO’S!)

so yup the mush-pot in me writes yet another blog post about love….but here’s the thing i’m writing about some of my life or no…LOVE lessons! 2o-some things u can learn from me… and my mistakes/ adventures! 😉

Lessons you learn about love! (sorry aditya …again, for using our life as fodder for my blog!)

  1. guys like the chase…they may say the don’t….but they do….! another fact- most girls like to be chased as well!
  2. the chase mustn’t stop once you get with the guy/ girl…keep the chase going…the journey becomes more interesting!
  3. men and women sleep at different times! to sleep at the same time…you have to re-program yourself and most times you still end up staring at the ceiling!
  4. you can never go too big when it comes to expressing your love. you can go too small….
  5. saying ‘i love you’ is often more of a big deal for men than it is for women
  6. the first year of marriage is hard…it involves long nights yelling, plate throwing and tons of temper tantrums…once you get thru year 1…you’re too tired and too broke to continue the madness! 😉
  7. find stuff that you can both do together… it’s important to share common interests!
  8. laugh…. it’s important to not take every criticism seriously or every comment to heart!
  9. go on dates…you don’t’ have to stop woo-ing once you get the girl… keep the woo-ing alive!
  10. you may not love the people he/she loves …but you gotta hate the ones they hate!!! that makes them know that you’re on the same side!
  11. fight! fight’s are good! they help you retain your individuality ….at the same time de-stress you!
  12. play. play a game , a sport, a board game… something… but play together!
  13. dress up nice…not just to go out for a party but to impress your partner…even if you’ve been with him/ her forever!
  14. make your partner your best friend…it’s tough and it involves spilling lots of ‘blackmailable’ secrets and him/ her laughing at you quite a bit…but it’s worth it to make a new best friend and one that will stick with you forever!
  15. a little call saying ‘i love you’ in the middle of the day can brighten up a rough day….so pick up that phone!
  16. it’s nice having someone you can do nothing with!
  17. marriage is a great option when you think of rising petrol prices… no more dropping your date home 😉
  18. not all women love kids and not all men hate them!
  19. men cry
  20. creating comfortable living rooms often make the threat of ‘ur sleeping on the couch’ pretty useless!!!!
  21. don’t change for anyone… and never give up on anything that makes you feel you’ve ‘compromised’ …else you’ll always dream of the person you were and always regret the things you gave up….so don’t…
  22. love must make you feel good about yourself…else there’s no point in being in love!
  23. the day he raises his voice, get help….the day he raises his hand- GET OUT!

these are a few of my favourite things….

so the first ever professional play i did was ‘sound of music’ directed by nosherwan and meher jehandgir and produced by hose vasunia….an incredible experience for a girl of 14 years of age…i learnt how to dance, sing, act and learnt to explore theatre my biggest passion yet!

i played liesl and for 50 odd shows sang ‘i am 16’ LIVE every night!

shiamak davar watched over 25 of the shows and always sat in the first row starting the claps after every song, every time! that’s how i met him….theatre lover, lover of the arts and sound of music fanatic…!

one of our songs was ‘favourite things’ …so today on a friday (my favourite day of the week!) i thought it might be nice to list a few!

so here goes-:

i love-:

  1. fridays (cos they signify the start of an amazing weekend)
  2. chocolate
  3. teddy bears
  4. valentines day
  5. pink!
  6. tons of pretty stationery which i ‘need’ to pick up….not sure whether i’m ever gonna use it!
  7. hubba bubba sour berry flavour!
  8. funky handbags!
  9. huge chunky jewelry
  10. rom-coms!
  11. dinner on sat nights with friends!
  12. murder mystery parties
  13. entertaining guests at my home
  14. going on date nights!
  15. dancing in the rain!
  16. my face song on repeat on my itunes player
  17. singing!
  18. reading responses to my blog!
  19. laughing….like really laughing!
  20. being surprised!
  21. baking n cooking
  22. planning parties
  23. planning vacations!
  24. seeing new places
  25. exploring new cities
  26. decorating my house
  27. walking cookie
  28. learning to play a tune on my piano
  29. learning to sing a tune!
  30. COFFEE! – actually coffee should be number 1 -anyone who knows me at all would know that!!!!

this is what i got in 5 minutes….would love to add some more…so blog in your favourites and who knows maybe i can make some new favourites of my own too!

NOW THE POINT OF THIS POST– is to make sure my week (next week) is more exciting!—so every day next week i’m going to indulge / do atleast ONE of my face things!…it’ll give me something to look forward to on monday and beat those monday morning blues!!!! 😉