While lunching with a friend, I discussed some of the issues I had been facing over the past month. “We’ve become very selfish,” I rued…”unless something focuse…
Source: Expect less.
Expect less.
While lunching with a friend, I discussed some of the issues I had been facing over the past month.
“We’ve become very selfish,” I rued…”unless something focuses only on us we’re not interested and now we’ve even stopped pretending.”
Through a festival that I had just produced , I realised that in our ‘busy’ lives more often then not, there were so many more people out there doing so much more, who we’d never even know or recognise. When our problems seem so important- in the larger scale of things when we look at everyone else’s lives… we’re often shown a mirror of how little we actually know.”
In this urgency to become the hero and heroine of the Film of Life , we’ve stopped looking at the whole picture.
Friends are now often just familiar acquaintances because we’re all too darn busy to care. In a technology filled word created with the aim of ‘connecting’ we’ve all become even more disconnected. With work, traffic and life we’ve just stopped focussing on what’s really important- people! What’s the point of a connection if you have no-one to connect with!
“Expect less” said my friend.
To avoid being disappointed in people stop expecting anything from them.
I’ve always lived loudly, passionately and with tons of love. People demand my attention and I demand theirs! I don’t want to change…but I also don’t want to be disappointed.
So here’s my plan- give me loads of love and I will support you with the same.
Give me radio silence and I’ll switch channel!
Win-win, I believe!
The Exhaustion of Being
So over a dinner with friends the other evening, it seemed like everyone was suffering the same malady… ‘I’m exhausted!’… ‘Done by 9!’….’Cant’t get out! Don’t even want to!’
The problem, we realised was not age… (despite the snickering yawns) or our jobs even…. it was just mental fatigue and the aversion to just do anything after the very long days we were all working.
A movie, a dinner, friends… were just more work… no fun!
When did ‘stress’ replace the word ‘life’?
When did ‘monday blues’ become ‘everyday woes’?
Between traveling in the city, impossible deadlines and the non-stop desire to keep moving life just became one long never ending day.
Stop. Sleep. Breathe. The world won’t fall off its axis without you.
I had a great night’s sleep last night and woke up to a perfectly brilliant morning where nothing was more or less stressful then the night before… The world hadn’t stop turning and life was a little easier thanks to the fact that I was in better humour!
Dis-connected
In a world that’s terrifyingly small and connected and where now gossip doesn’t need to be limited to streets or apartment buildings and where everyones business is public knowledge now…it was terrifying how disconnected one can feel despite all these seemingly meaningful connections.
It’s been a long few weeks. With ill health in the family, I did what I did best- retreated into a zone, put my head down and just did what was necessary to ensure everything was okay (as much as I could).
There was work. There were meetings. There were clients. And there was home and family and the hospital. And it was almost like these worlds were completely exclusive of each other…
And that’s when I realised the important connections and most importantly the important disconnections…
Life is not about the likes and the happy emojis or even the angry or sad emoticons… it’s about the actual connections…
If you haven’t heard from someone for a week or 2… do you pick up the phone and check on them? If you haven’t connect with a ‘friend’ how long do you wait till you call/ connect/ visit…. Or do you wait for the shallow ‘Status Updates’ or PR Related FB Posts?
How long is too long where friendships are concerned to be out of touch?
And when did Facebook replace actual face time…?
Any way on a positive note– #allswellthatendswell ! And I’m back on FB and my Blog now :)!
#MoreThanALabel
Since I did my first professional play at 15, I got used to (well not used to…but got a taste of) criticism and labelling… Theatre was my salvation. It allowed me the freedom to be all that I wanted to be but come Monday morning, I had to return to reality and school and the label of being a #nerd #boring #bookish (all of which were said derogatorily , which I still don’t understand) and #ugly ! But those were simpler times. In school you are often labeled or bullied and that helps create strength of character, build your confidence and give you the strength to face the world… and so I did.
Shooting a reality show recently #SketchtoStore …I found everyone dreaming of becoming a label and thats when it struck me- today is a world of labels. Most of those labels are created with silly hashtags and are tweeted, instagrammed and facebooked…. and most of them are not positive… they are downright mean! In a world of labels does being a label mean so much when we can now make any word/ set of words a label with just a simple hashtag. Also, wasn’t I lucky I grew up at a time when calling me a name, didn’t allow you to tweet it or post it on my wall.
In the public eye there is never a day where I can please everyone… I am #DragonPalat (yup this was tweeted), #fat to others #sick to some (because of the MS) a #celebrity (said in a negative way) to a third. To the trolls I answered, to the ready-to-be-converted I tried my best to convert you to be my friend… But in a world of #labels , I found my self terrified…I am unapproachable to most, terrifying to some… but to those who get to know me or just even say hello… I’m actually funny, interesting, silly, smart and fiercely loyal.
Unfortunately the polite words never make for good hashtags :)! So the next time you’d like to #label someone… meet them instead. I have found that people are so much more than their labels… and it’s always a fabulous revelation!
Taking back my strength
It’s play time again for me with The Jury launching this Friday and whereas the word ‘play’ is rather misleading – this is probably the time of maximum stress for me, least fun and no time! Theatre is however an absolute addiction for me… else there would be no possible reason for me to almost cause ulcers every single year!
However this year I learnt something very important- if I allow your worries and your inadequacies or stresses to become my own, then I lost my strength. The greatest strength each one of us has is self-belief and that self belief comes easier to some than others. However when you are weaker, more tired and more stressed ; it is then the vultures can get to you- the ones that make you weaker, sadder,smaller and less believing in yourself. It’s then when the real ulcers get to grow, when sleep fades and when happiness seems but a very distant memory.
So stop!
Remember when you are tired, you will be stressed. When you are stressed, other people’s fears can take over and become yours.
Don’t.
You are strong. And once you get a good night’s sleep – you will be strong again. Work out the stress. Is it your worry or is somebody dumping their worries on you?
And when you take two minutes to just look after you… you’ll get a great sleep finally.
I did.
Good morning!
This is the week my fabulous show- The Jury launches! Buy tickets now at Bookmyshow and come back stage and say hi!
I make my own happy.
In a world where we consistently look outside for our happiness, our love, our security and even our stress… it was a wonderful realisation that I came to when I realised I had complete control of how I made myself feel.
I could feel successful, happy and a winner or feel stressed, worried and always on the short end of the stick… the choice was ALWAYS, and I capitalise this to stress the importance- MINE!
With this new found knowledge I have come to realise that God , the Universe…whatever you may call it… is just a bundle of things trying to make me feel exactly the way I want to feel… so when I say…”Oh I’m so stressed!”… it gives me stress… On the other hand when I say “I’m going to walk out a winner!”… I do.
Yup… it’s just that easy…
Don’t believe me… I mean why would you!? Then try something fun today…
Take 5 minutes and put the positive in to everything you do…
- Instead of “I wish the client would…” …Say “The client will…”
- Instead of saying “I’m so tired” …Treat yourself to something nice…
Just 5 minutes and watch the entire day turn around…
…now imagine you’d tried this in the morning…:)!
…no worries… it’s never too late to start! I just did!
And the year happened
And it’s the same time of year that I usually love.. there are carols in the air, a slight nip, buying and gifting of presents and glorious xmas and new year plans – everything is the same and yet everything is completely different.
This year tried me in ways I could not have imagined and though the strength of a person is defined by how they come out in difficult situations, I must say there were moments I didn’t trust my strength- I didn’t even trust myself. I just went on.
And strength came- from expected and unexpected quarters. They say God only gives you all that you can handle. He also gave me people who could handle me. I learnt that.
I lost friends. I gained more. I never thought it’d be possible to make new friends after a point- I was wrong.
I learnt how to give. Unselfishly. Proudly. I learnt that there is so much kindness in this world. In all the hate- there is also so much good. We should focus on that more.
I learnt about pain. I learnt that physical pain can be as debilitating as mental pain. And that they both need you to do the work to recover. Recovery is about you learning to take care of yourself.
I learnt in all my humour , I am also dark. In all my commercialisation, I am also art. In my madness there is sense. In my wild-child side, there’s a homebody.
Thank you for teaching me so much 2014. You were an education- hard and filled with examinations like school!
I’m now waiting for the college years 🙂 wild and with great parties … To 2015!
Somewhere over the rainbow…! Thank you for the barks!
I lost my best friend.
I have nothing else to say.
She died in my arms- 14 years of age , the perfect golden cocker spaniel.
For those who are not dog lovers let me tell you that this loss was like losing an organ, an appendage, a child…. a soulmate. Cookie was all that and more. She was my reason to get up every morning and my reason to go to bed at night.
As a baby she slept in my arms, her heart beating faster than a a bird’s fluttering wings and when she grew older; she preferred her own , much softer bed to mine and loved curling up just below me looking at me while she drifted to sleep!
When we bought a bed, it was specifically chosen so it wouldn’t be too high for Cookie to jump on and off and the side tables were low enough for her to share our food, nibble on our scraps or even just steal some entire pizza slices away from us.
Cookie went from being my baby and my puchdi (follower) to my owner and my ‘Mama.’ She indulgently let me sing off tune songs to her where I force-fitted the word ‘Cookie’ in every popular tune so it might keep her interest a little longer; she watched my rehearsals and even shouted at late comers so I wouldn’t have to and entertained my guests by sitting on her futon bed in our living room and staring at them almost making conversation. She was on stage for almost every production and played pivotal roles in 2. Over and above that she handled backstage, tv shoots and even stealing actor meals that they carelessly left on the ground. She was my master chef food taster with a love for chinese and thai food!
She was an actress, a food critic, a mama, a best friend, a task master and a cuddly ball of fur all rolled in to one!
Monday to Friday I was her responsibility. On Monday morning at 9:30 am…post stealing my breakfast after eating her own, she’d rush off to the office room where she’d wait patiently till I turned up. I’m a workaholic but Cookie kept my timings in check. At 1 pm she’d leave the office room, to go to any other room, ensuring I’d follow her and be forced to eat my lunch. Every 2-3 hours I’d walk her and get a little bit of a break from emails and calls and stress. She ensured that.
But it was when her ‘Popups’ came home- her papa – Aditya, that was when she’d look at him, almost roll her eyes and fall quickly to sleep- almost saying “I’ve looked after her (me) the whole day- now she’s your responsibility!”
Though I always joked about this- I was her responsibility as we both grew up and she looked after me gloriously. I remember saying “Mama” once and when my Mom responded- Cookie quickly wiggled her way in the front and with questioning eyes asked me what I needed now. She also shot a quick glare to my Mother. In our house , Cookie was “Mama.”
She left me after seeing my first Arts festival , YouTheatre begin.
She left after the lamp lighting and seeing me surrounded by family, students and friends.
She left me knowing that for the next 3 days I’d have no time to grieve.
She left me doing something I love. Even in death she felt responsible for me.
I’m not sure how to start my Monday. I’m not sure where my boss, my best friend and my Mama will be when I go in to the office room.
I’m not sure how to change my routine.
I don’t even want to.
But Mama will keep me on my toes and busy I’m sure.
I just wish you could have joined me for Curtain Call today Cookie Girl… you would have been proud!
I am who I am because of you. I love you- today and always.
The Big Fight
They call Life – the ‘rat-race!’ They call Life-‘a fight’; ‘a struggle!’ They glorify fighting for what you believe in and sometimes in all the madness of fighting, you forget what you’re fighting for.
They tell you that you must ‘Fight for love’ and Fight for your dream’ and then ‘Fight to stay alive and afloat!’ And they forget that in the midst of all this fighting, it stops becoming fun and just becomes something you keep doing- pushing your head against an endless wall of pain because that’s what you’ve been conditioned to.
We’re not taught to believe. We’re taught to FIGHT to believe. We’re not taught to love. We’re taught to FIGHT for love. We’re not taught to succeed . We’re taught to FIGHT to succeed.
And then they wonder where all this aggression and anger comes from. Soldiers fight a war at the borders. We fight a war with ourselves every day. We’ve taken out the fun in life, love, relationships, beliefs and friendships… it’s a war and apparently we HAVE TO WIN! Life’s not about the fun of competition or the joy of the experience- it’s a war and you have to fight to stay alive!
Right from childhood , you are taught to fight- fight hard, even fight dirty. This is ingrained in school , at home and even in sports. We don’t spend the same time spending people to respect, to love, to acknowledge, to see… that’s all a waste of time! And so our aggression is fine tuned till it’s almost inherent in every cell of our bodies.
Well I’m tired. I’m out. I’m out of the fight.
This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop working or achieving- this just means I’m going to have fun doing it! I’m not fighting you, I’m too busy propping myself up…I’m too busy ENCOURAGING ME TO BE ME… and I’m not going to fight you because that war is not worth my energy or my time!
I’m done. I win! :)… guess the conditioning takes a while longer to rub off!
Divya's Blog! 