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Love is patient, Love is kind….(or messy and impatient and loud!)

And it’s my favouritest(yes, it could be a word), mushiest day of the year and I love it! I woke up delighted as I do every Valentines day and was showered with puppy kisses and orchids (my favourites) and the day started out just right!

But over the years, I have realised that love is not just about puppy kisses and orchids- much as I’d like it to be just about that… it’s different most of the time and different is good… just different.

Love is loud – it’s waking up in the middle of the night because I have started getting the MS hug just to help me turn while I yell in pain because I am both exhausted and filled with shooting pain!

Love is holding hands while doing different things… me watching TV, Aditya checking football scores- much to my annoyance cos most of the things I force him to watch are mushy shows!

Love is watching action and fantasy films… and not understanding the lack of plot , falling asleep during them and waking up at the end and listening calmly while Aditya drones on about plot points that were just truly nonsensical!

Love is messy fights, it’s weepy make ups, it’s arguing about the colour of a wall for 5 days and then choosing a different colour completely. Love is scary, especially when there are new trip ups MS (multiple sclerosis) gives us, it’s angry and it’s protective…

Love is also whiney (when the gym trainer doesn’t show up and Aditya’s in a cranky mood – cos he woke up too early ) . It’s also learning how to read a mood when you’re almost getting to that mood.

Love is finishing each others thoughts (not just sentences ); it’s knowing each others triggers (and how to effectively use them 🙂 ) and it’s knowing how to make something right… even when everything is wrong.

Love is saying ‘sorry’ a million times, or never apologising. It’s saying ‘I love you’ or not saying it at all… It’s totally personal, completely flawed and yet absolutely perfect.

In a world of hate; it’s important to love and important to be loved.

Happy Valentines Day!

P.s.(Palat says)-: To my forever… I promise you my forever.

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An MS day + Routine = Adventure

And today is an MS (Multiple sclerosis) day and I’m a bundle of tears and pain. It doesn’t help that it’s Monday or that the Oscars are on… during MS days my emotions get crossed so happiness adds to more tears! But like all I have ever known, I must continue. Production meetings mustn’t wait, neither must a days’ schedule, no matter how mundane and ordinary.

And yet amidst all the complaints by body and brain seem to have, I feel safer with people and in a routine.

We all take routine for granted . We complain about routine and the boredom it causes. But there is a comfort of routine when everything else in your life seems to not want to listen to routine at all. When your body is at odds with you, there is comfort in routine and knowing that something moves to plan.

I remember years earlier when Cookie passed away, and I wanted to do nothing more than lie on a bed and howl; I had to turn up to the NCPA for a Festival that I had organised and teach a class and get on stage. The power of routine made me focus on letting my little girl go and forced me to continue to stay in the present.

And so sometimes routine gets a bad name. There is power in consistency and strength in the ability to keep at it, even when all you want is a warm cup o’ soup and a trillion pain killers!

… Apologies on the Friday blog… it’s been a long-ish few weeks and Friday was spent in between sleep and more sleep. I think the MS attack would’ve been worse had I not rested. Right now I’m desperate to go back to Friday, but know that warm soup and production meetings will benefit me in the long run! And either way today’ll be a day I won’t forget!

P.s. (Palat says)-: I’ll be back on Friday…it’ll just be an adventure till then… And what’s life if not with a few adventures!

The moments we make…

And in a blink of an eye we end January…and before we know it the year will be gone too. And so suddenly I realised I was exhausted! I mean mid-year madness , post monsoon and pre vacation exhausted. That’s when I realised that there was no point.

There’s no point in rushing through the year and not enjoying the moments. As much as I was having fun in life and work and at home; if I was too tired to actually fully absorb the moment, what was the point?

Life can’t be a series of races where you just move from point to point to point. There has to be moments in between where you enjoy the achievement, or the moment or just the view and replenish your energy… before you break down completely.

So in between an almost complete break down I stopped.

I went out for an evening with friends just for a few hours, just to laugh, just to enjoy the view. And lo and behold, the world didn’t stop, but my stress did. The evening though just a few hours was long for me and I was tired but I came back less exhausted than I had been in a while. And the next day I was able to write scripts and finish more than I usually could in 2/3 days… because well I was rebooted in a way!

I’m going to try and do that more…

I like the reboot! It’s my version of a personal upgrade!

Here’s to a ‘love’ly February… yes I am that soppy person!

P.s.(Palat says)-: In the end it’ll be the moments that matter and we get so much time in a day… don’t we owe ourselves at least a few moments?

Kiddie Games

And Friday night is Murder Mystery Party night…! Now with the week being one of our longest- 4 shoots, multiple edits, tons of digital work, travel, exercise and pain… it seemed like I’d never finish the 14 scripts for the Party! My mother wondered why I was doing so much for the party… Wouldn’t people just like to chill. And of course the party will primarily focus only on chilling… but with a small mystery game to start with and a few laughs (and drinks) I think we’ll relax a bit more.

Parties for me are mini productions… I love making people happy. I love hosting people at home and I love trying to do just a bit more.. I miss the good ol’ days of birthday parties and silly competitions and I sometimes think that my nonsensical parties keep the kid in me alive. Often it reveals inner kids in friends too! (ha!)

I don’t understand why there is always the hurry to ‘be the grown up.’ I love that I can walk in to a room and chat with someone. I love that I cry when I feel bad and laugh loudly when something is funny. I love the lack of pretence… It keeps me light. It keeps me happy and it keeps me free.

In a world where we are all trying to fake it till we make it, keeping your inner child alive gives you an honesty and self belief that no amount of ‘faking’ can get you. It energises you and allows you an innocence that we lose to disbelief far too early…

So this weekend we put our prejudices and disbeliefs aside and come together for a Bollywood cum Mafia party and dance offbeat and sing off key! We’re becoming kids again albeit for a few hours..and that should be fabulous! Have a great Friday people!

P.s. (Palat says)-: Celebrate life… sometimes the best way is to become a kid again… what say Nivaya!?

Happy Dating Anniversary…

Warning-: Mushy post ahead!

Everything in my life is always a production! Whether it was studying for exams, throwing parties or even something as boring as an offsite… I am very dramatic! Needless to say then , that I am the perfect ‘Hallmark Target.’ In fact I created days that they’d have loved to have known about if only to capture my business… and this weekend heralds one very special day- my ‘Dating Anniversary.’

Now I get that this is not really a much-celebrated event for several couples and some may even have forgotten the date… but I for one do not!

I also expect it to be grand and amazing and ridiculous and a surprise!

Yes, Aditya is truly married to a nut case! But I think I’m worth it! So why the heck not!? But to be fair… he does put up with a few more quirks… so here’s my tribute to my person… and a personal tribute to me!

Whereas Aditya enjoys the luxury of travel with just a beer, I enjoy it differently! I am the person, who’ll cry on Charles Bridge in the middle of Prague… just to enjoy the drama of the scenery.

He sleeps early but I am also the person who will stay up all night to solve a math problem, just cos I can’t let that go and because we must be a team.. I keep him awake too!

I watch every reality soppy show that is made… and all the ‘Bachelors (Paradise included) and cry over every sad scene…(sometimes in anticipation!) And force Aditya to watch the soppy ,’staged’ proposals every single time…! Yes punishment can be achieved by making men watch reality shows!

Whereas I am loud and often far too truthful, Aditya is polite and careful and ‘politically correct.’

He’s my yin to my yang… but we work!

What I have in stamina, he has in speed. What I have in tolerance , he has in strength. My craziness combats his ps3/ ps4 or whatever that’s called. My drama combats his happy zen! My crazy love for puppies has changed him to the ‘baby bro’ to his Magic (our pup!). He knows how to cheer me up in a second and annoy me equally quickly! And I think I’ve got the same licked too! I am night and he is day and together we complete us! We’re corny, soppy and a perfect Hallmark card except when we’re not! Catch us playing monopoly or any game and you’ll see us at our worst and most competitive! We love a good game and love a great trip!

And we love silly, soppy, made-up anniversary’s! So #HappyDatingAnniversary Babe! And yes people it is a thing!

P.s. (Palat says)-: 22 years of friendship, 19 years of dating, 14 years of marriage… ooof dude… it’s been a while!

The Bubble Burst (well… almost)

And exactly as predicted the new year bubble burst mid week in complete exhaustion!

Now don’t get me wrong the week has been amazing- I started the year off with a party on a yacht, with great music and fabulous company, I won an award-Internationally- The Enterprising Woman of The Year Award, and am now deep in planning an incredible trip and I got back to doing all that I love(except the torturous exercise!). But I think Week 1 of the new year is always like a long hangover where you recover from all the parties and the madness and just try and get through the week standing!

And then there was the JNU violence. And opinions were being shared and sides were being taken and a long week seemed to get longer. And here’s my take, violence on students or anyone is unforgivable. Violence begets more violence. Hate begets more hate. And in a world where nature seems to already be at war with us, do we really need to be at war with each other too?

The year has just started and with the drama of the first week, it seems like it’s going to be a dramatic year ahead. But I think we need to take pause. Delhi had rain in January, Australia had the bushfires. We’ve ill-treated nature so much that she’s fighting back and fighting back strong. Maybe we should start focusing on healing her rather than fighting each other. Cos this is a fact- nature can an wipe all of us out… and won’t need to do it one lathi at a time!

P.s.(Palat says)-: I am going to do my bit to try and focus on the larger causes rather than the immediate annoyances… And p.s. smiling first thing in the morning has helped… remember I won an Award!

Just another day…

And before you know it… it’s Jan 2 and Jan 3 and suddenly the excitement and the promise of the new year fades in to hangover headaches and blurry photographs… But even as the feeling of positivity fades you can’t help but ask yourself- how is one night so magical? How is it that for one night we all believe that our world will be more amazing, our lives more fulfilled, our days fuller and happier?

And why does that feeling only stay for one night?

Isn’t that a function more of us than of the night… if we can continuously re-invent ourselves- why wait for one night to start a resolution, to start aiming for a dream or to start making more positive life changes?

So this year I won’t just have one new year I plan to have several.

This decade taught me a lot… it helped me settle down but it also made me doubt some of my dreams. With the new year, out came my new diary and with it came new dreams spewing, new ideas brimming… and this year, this day , this decade I’m going to start believing in my dreams again.

Instead of nightly parties, I focussed on smaller parties with people I wanted to share experiences with, wanted to laugh with, wanted to bond with- this year I’m going to focus on more of those too… not just for New Years where I had the perfect night with puppy and husband (yes, in that order!)… I’m going to ensure holidays and nights out are filled with the people I’d like to spend forever with.

Every day I’m going to start with a smile (and then a warm cup of coffee… …)! But first a smile.

We are a product of the world we create…so I am going to visualise and actualise my perfect world… that world may not be perfection to you… but it will be for me… so I’m going to work hard to create it! Not just for one day… but every day… after all even God took 7 days to create this one… I’m spending every day creating my world!

We all say we’ll make each second count but before we know it we’re in the thick of March and taxes and life and we just get bogged down and depressed. Let’s not make a new year about one day… if we look at making each day just a little special even for just a few moments… may be we can have less bad days and more new (year) days!

P.s. (Palat says)-: I write this in my post new year bubble of joy and happiness and am sure the angst of the world will catch up soon enough… but I’m going to write this for the days I need a pick me up- remember a new year starts with perfect ol’ you… so I’m going to enjoy my dreams and work on living a few this year too!

2019

This year had so much…taught me so much, challenged me so incredibly and blessed me so wonderfully.

I started the year saying to myself that I would be more social and more social I became… I found new friends, stayed up later, laughed longer and harder and was more happily exhausted than ever before!

To the old friends I love you… to my new friends… I can’t wait to be old friends!

I also resolved to make more time for my health. Having had the worst blood test I’d ever had in December last year… I took it upon myself to make my health a priority- it’s been spinning, walking, power plate and yoga and 5:30 ams and its been a full year of this! I actually made a promise and stuck by it!

And yes, I still hate the mornings terribly. But I did get to see peacocks , monkeys and plenty of puppies on my super early walks and that made it worthwhile… To next year and an even fitter year!

And I got sick. A lot. I had my first really serious Multiple sclerosis attack in years and my diagnoses became more serious. But a long with that I also found the strength to fight back, ask for help and to stay calm while the storm seemed to try and break me… And like the bamboo shoot , I bent to deal with the storm and slowly but surely am learning to stand back up!

I also learned the joy of giving. There is no greater joy- I threw parties, I treated friends and family, I bought gifts and I helped people. And that filled me with joy. And I got addicted to that!

I learned honesty. I was honest with who I loved and when I needed to say ‘no.’ I learned that honesty is the policy that helps you sleep at night best and those who will stay with you and who love you will understand and appreciate your truthfulness.

I started dreaming again… with a planner that got me started… my imagination went in to overdrive.. and once again I started writing , dreaming and believing!

A decade gone. A decade of wins and losses, of incredible joy ,of heart wrenching pain, of amazing life experiences and holidays, of fabulous new and old relationships… Let’s start the 20’s! We’re growing up baby!

P.s.(Palat says)-: Do something this Christmas to bring joy to someone else…that’s my plan… and I #canthardlywait !

The last MS Attack of the year (hopefully) and #CAA

We’re a tinder box waiting to explode… Life today has become so increasingly stressful , it barely takes a moment for the world to collapse around us.

This week was all about the Citizenship Amendment Act and the violence that ensued. And as much as the violence was terrifying , what was even more scary was how we were able to attack with minimal knowledge and even less understanding. Now in no way am I claiming that the worries are unfounded or trivial; all I am saying is that in most people chose a side without any idea of what the Act was about. They followed like flock and like flock , mob mentality ensued. Violence always begets more violence and buses were burnt, innocent people were hurt and the country burned.

I completely support peaceful protests and debates as that is the very fabric of democracy but I do believe that we must completely understand what our beliefs are and not just be swayed by sensational rumors.

Along with this, I got another MS attack and faced Trigeminal Neuralgia, a nerve pain in the face so intense you can’t speak, eat or even concentrate because of the pain. It was terrifying. It happened because like the world, we too have become tinder boxes. With year end stresses mounting up, it just took one minor issue for my Multiple sclerosis to kick in and shut me down.

That’s when I realised, the stress that I was facing was because of incomplete information and my body started a fire… The stress the country was facing was also because we didn’t have the full information.

I was forced to take a back seat with a swollen face and painful nerves and wait to get the full information so I could deal with it in a calm manner. Along with that I also found a video that explained the Act. The video explained it simply and devoid of emotion. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing and following the mob blindly is simply foolish.

Have an opinion- but understand what you have an opinion about.

I had to stop stressing by force. More often than not, your body isn’t like mine… it doesn’t revolt to stress. But it should. You should know how much your insides are burning before you hurt yourself with something more serious.

P.s. (Palat says)-: Stress kills but then again so does ignorance.Let’s make a new year resolution to try and eliminate both!

December Doldrums

And as the smog of December settled, instead of the happy winter chill it seemed like all it brought were coughs and colds and the delightful seasonal depression.

Isn’t it funny how January comes in with promise and brightness and happiness and December comes at us with the reminder of unfulfilled resolutions , unfinished dreams and just gloom?

Now I’m a Christmas lover and it took all my energy to try and drag my self up from the December doldrums! It didn’t help that the exercise routine changed and became more painful or that MS days kept popping up. The rigid diet also added to the woes…

The colourful planners which had given me so much joy through the year with glitter and stickers was also now relegated to the bottom drawer.

So I forced the joy… till I can almost feel it!

I decorated… the office and the home. With streamers and presents and Christmas trees and tons of love- I surrounded myself with happy. I started smiling- at strangers and most smiled back. One or two even came up to chat… Some chats were downright odd… but a few were awesome! And that cheered me up a bit…and I hope the smiles got a few people out of their winter funk too!

And I cut myself some slack. More often than not we count all the things that we couldn’t achieve … I started counting the things that I could.

It takes a second to make yourself unhappy.

I decided not to waste that second.

So instead of counting missed resolutions, I counted goals achieved. Instead of groaning about pain, I started marvelling how much I have been able to do this year. Rather than waking up early, I spent evenings with friends…

I have to be honest. Getting up every day, with this much pain, in such a gloomy December is hard. Sometimes (most times), I just want to roll over and wait for tomorrow. But then again- I have today and I am blessed. Many don’t. Many won’t.

You have to will yourself every day to fight another day, to laugh another day and to live another day.

But if you can do that – you are lucky…

And guess what- January with all your new hopes and dreams… is just around the corner!

P.s.-: When you want to give up… Walk On! Yes, couldn’t resist the U2 reference… Enjoy the weekend.

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