My Death Sentence.

“You will never move again. Your brain has been compromised and you’ll be left side paralysed. You should have come here sooner.”

These were the first words I heard from a Doctor in 2005,on the first Monday of June after I seem to finally awaken from what seemed to be a long, very uncomfortable ‘sleep’ from the Friday , 2 days prior

“Don’t believe me ?” He challenged, his eyes beaming with what I can only describe as sadistic pleasure….” Try… make a fist with your left hand… go on now- try!”

Not one to give up a challenge, I tried in vain to make the fist and hopefully punch his smug face; but the hand wouldn’t listen… and so my right hand covered my left protectively and made the fist, which still refused to punch him or move in any way much to my great dismay!

That day was like a death sentence. To say that my brain had been compromised , was shattering. I knew that if all my hopes and dreams went to dust in my life , I still had my brain and now I was told it was ‘compromised’, whatever the heck that meant.

Now there are 2 ways to look at every situation- 1. Curl up and die. 2. Get up , dust yourself off and start over.

I got up and restarted.

This year has been like that.

We all suddenly woke up from the new year hangover to be locked down and scared. With very basic, worrying news we didn’t really know what was right and what was just rumour- #FakeNews. And the rumours abounded and the fears kept increasing.

The doctor that I had ,knew so very little. He was afraid to tell me he didn’t know what was wrong with me and just tried to scare me. Had he been successful, I would be no more than a whining , bed-ridden woman, angrily typing out a blog with one hand! Not only can I use my left side, most people, in fact literally every one except from me, wouldn’t even be able to tell there was anything wrong with it, ever!

And that’s what our newspapers sell- fear and more fear! That’s what runs the TRP’s on channels and sells thousands of newspapers.

Now Covid is here to stay for a bit and yes the virus, like most will mutate and change. But rather than selling and propagating fear; what is necessary is to be smart, be clean, sanitise, take precautions, stay away from people, test and WEAR A MASK! The people propagating the fear would rather not do that, they’d rather roll over and play dead… but then you must realise, this disease, nor the next nor the next aren’t leaving. You have a choice- to learn to be responsible and work with it or roll over and fear monger or hide! I’m not saying go out, be irresponsible and not to heed warnings or rules that the government puts forward; what I am saying is this disease is here to stay and if not this, it’ll be something else, what’s most important is that we learn to work responsibly with it and keep positive.

I hated the words ‘new normal.’ Post covid every one says the ‘new normal.’ Post my diagnosis , I too lived with a ‘new normal.’ But actually we each live a ‘new normal’ every single day. Because each day we go through experiences and feelings; we meet people and deal with situations that make us deal with tomorrow differently. Hence it shouldn’t take covid or multiple sclerosis to teach you the words ‘new normal.’ Every day is a new day for you and me and hence a new normal exists every single day!

This year was a frightening flashback to 2005 for me. I was scared, had misinformation and this was propagated and sold as fact. It took me time to learn what I needed to learn and to gain the confidence to stand up not just on one foot but on both!

We have one life and we have one way to live it. I choose to live it responsibly but joyously. I mean that’s what got me up… my left side didn’t fix over night. It took time and tears but I healed and learned to live with my multiple sclerosis (yes, non curable). The world will heal too. We just have to help it heal and not keep pouring salt (fear/ irresponsibility) in it’s wounds!

P.s.(Palat says)-:Whenever any one says they love my spirit, I smile; but in my heart and my now in my ‘compromised’ brain that honestly this was my only choice – to just live.

10 thoughts on “My Death Sentence.

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