My world stopped.

The diagnosis was uttered in between a sentence. It was almost an after thought… It was just said. “For the MS lets start Aubagio…”. The words continued but for me it stopped at ‘MS’. “What did you say,” I questioned. “Don’t worry, I’ll send you the entire prescription,” the doctor continued almost without losing a beat. And in a few minutes there it was in ink – a prescription for a disease I’d known I’d had for 15 years now… but a disease that needed a diagnosis to allow me to get the medicine I needed to control the attacks.

I don’t know what I expected from the call. But after years of being told to do one test or the other and after years of being shunted from one doctor to the next because everyone seemed scared of making this diagnosis ; it was done at 2:30 in the afternoon on the 21st of Jan 2021.

For the doctor it was just a regular work day ; for me it were words that changed my whole life.

It took me a while to process what he’d said. I think I’m still a bit shocked. This was necessary and will help to control further degeneration but still…

I don’t know how I expected I’d be told… Did I expect fanfare or background music to emphasise the diagnosis? Did I expect him to congratulate me on figuring this out in waaaaaaay less than 15 years? Did I expect him to sit me down and tell me that I have an incurable illness in a bit more of a serious, more final tone. Did I need fireworks, a trophy for my smarts or a bundle of tissues for tears which should have rolled down my face because I had just been slammed in the face with news that would change my life as I knew it.

In these last 2 weeks I have tried medicine; been allergic to medicine; changed medicines and now starting injections. It’s tiring, scary, painful and often overwhelming.

But in these last 2 weeks I’ve also done 3.5 km walks, multiple shoots where I stand the whole time, 2 puppy get togethers , a couple of dinners out and tons of new exercises in between WINNING AN AWARD !

My world stopped for a minute and then just like me, it just started spinning a bit faster!