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The Big Fight

This blog has become a venting outlet for my week, my pain, my stress and all my drama. And this week had all of it in bucket loads!

The exercise routine is tiring me out more than I care to accept and 5 ams, look no brighter on a Friday than they do on Mondays. Add to that a long work week and new pain in areas I didn’t know had sensation, it was a recipe for disaster.

So when the husband decided to argue with me on an obvious non-issue, my world fell apart. Having been friends for so long the honesty that we share is comforting and frightening all together. But he laid bare about his stress with my pain and illness and how that became frightening for him. In turn I felt like I had further complicated his life and felt truly ashamed and frighteningly alone. The over tiredness and stress had gotten to both of us and we said things that we definitely shouldn’t have. However under all the layers what did shine out, was that this journey is scary.

I am blessed. I see my Multiple Sclerosis. He’s the invisible villain, but I know of his existence. Life is scary and as much as we’re trying to get through this journey as unscathed as we possibly can, life happens! Life happens when you least expect it. And it just doesn’t happen to us, it happens to all those around us too. I can howl in pain, Aditya stresses. I can take a tablet or 5, but those around me just have to watch helplessly.

I don’t need your pity or help. But know you feel hopeless when you can offer me none..

So today, to all those in my life who silently play cheerleader- thank you. I am sorry you’re on a journey that neither of us bargained for. And I’m sorry I keep taking you on my rollercoaster without acknowledging that you too our stuck on this ride with me and often without a seat belt.

Thank you for your love and support. I am proud to have you.

P.s. (Palat says)-: The big fight will end and will start again but every so often it’s important to have the honest conversations. These make for the good fights even if they are big ones. But it’s very important to have them.

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